This weekend was a good weekend for the most part, two good friends came to visit ( Thanks Kyle and Alicia for everything!) I finished up most of my yard work, despite crappy equipment and went to work at Barton Springs, where I am thouroughly enjoying my job. I had the opportunity to make many pretty girls smile, but I didn't ask any of them for their numbers. For some odd reason it just didn't feel right. I don't know what it is, but I just can't seem to find a girl I'm going to "click" with. Perhaps I'm too judgemental, perhaps I'm just scared and perhaps I still hold out hope for someone else.

There is someone in my past that I regret losing touch with, The time we had together was too short and as I sit here and look back I wonder at what might have been. Things in my life have been okay, but they could have been a lot better or maybe not. Either way I have no way of knowing and I must continue on with this course and hope things will turn out okay in the end.

It was good to see Kyle and Alicia, I hope I was able to provide them with enough to do and see, hopefully they enjoyed their visit here and got to see a different side of Austin than most people do.

Things happened between my boss and I here at El Rio Apartments, apparantly she's not been satisfied with my performance or the way the building is being run/handled. I can't help it if no one is calling to rent apartments or if no one wants to stay in a place that continuosly has problems, the tenants being foremost among them. I do what I must, but I hate lying, they say things like they're going to remodel the kitchen, well in my humble opinion what they want to do wouldn't take more than a long weekend to finish, but they've been working on it for over two years!! and that's not the only thing, Some of the tenants in the building are shady characters, not the good timing college students of the past, but something darker, slimier possibly even with a past if you know what I mean, Hopefully they'll be gone and replaced with some really cool people. I can only hope, but people just aren't looking here at El Rio, it's not like there is a sign outside that says "El Rio Apartments" it's just a building on the street. I don't know what to do, I don't get paid to do this gig or do I get paid to put up with peoples crap, sure I mowed the lawn, take out the trash, collect the money and I show apartments and I used to get free rent for a closet sized room, but now that's not the case I'm going to have to pay approx. $200 a month to do this same stuff. I figure if I'm paying to stay here, then I don't have to be here or I am not obligated to do so, I haven't signed any contract nor have I received a lease. They can't say I haven't reminded them to write something up so I can go at any time. I just don't have anywhere to go or a good paying job to go to with it and being here as a "manager" isn't going to get me a job. They only started complaining when I did get a job now that I think about it... crazy huh? And they even talked about me quiting my job or cutting back my hours, how am I to get ahead? ARRGGH!!!

I don't know what I'm going to do, I think I'm going to look for a full time gig somewhere else and if I can get something then I'll find a cheap apartment and leave. maybe I'll get a roommate or something, who knows. Any takers?

I've got to go now, 6 am comes early, especially when you have take out the trash and have homework to do before you get to sleep. goodnight all.

You are Sir Launcelot.
Heroicly you are stereotyped into rescuing damsels
in distress...only you get confused and rescue
the wrong sex sometimes. You look for fights
in all the wrong places, and pretend your
friends and loved ones are hurt to dramaticly
avenge their murder. You might be too brave for
your britches.


What Monty Python Holy Grail Quest Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence. He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out. It won't matter how many times you say I'm sorry, the wound is still there. " A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one. Friends are very rare jewels, indeed. They make you smile and encourage you to succeed. They lend an ear, they share words of praise and they always want to open their hearts to us." It's National Friendship Week. So I’m Showing my friends how much I care. Please forgive me if I have ever left a hole.

Today is a Wednesday, A day just like any other day, the middle of the week, anticipation is building for the weekend. But this weekend is different from all others in a certain respect, I'll be headed to Houston and once there I'll be helping my parents move whatever is left of their belongings out of the house they've lived in for almost a year. I don't know yet where they're going to end up, I don't think they have a plan or anything set up.

I also have duty this weekend, I made a promise to both myself and my country, but a profound lesson I'm still learning and that is echoed by Retired U.S. Army Major Coffey is that "It ain't about you." It ain't about your boss or the Army either. It's about taking care of your soldiers and serving this nation's defense needs. The Army is only the organizational venue to make this happen. One not-so-pleasant morning in Ranger School when I was down and out and feeling sorry for myself, a wise Master Sergeant, who "knew the deal," pulled me aside and explained to me, "It ain't about you." It was a profound lesson taught to me during my green days as a Second Lieutenant. In so many words he told me that "service" and being an officer was about the soldiers you lead, the nation you serve and the ideals you embrace, and that any consideration of "self" had no place in this Army business. It took some time and thought, but his words of wisdom finally set in and were fully understood. He knew the deal, and cared enough to explain it to me. "

Yes, I have duty this weekend, but it's not just about me having duty it's about all those other soldiers above and below me having duty as well and taking care of business, because that's the right thing to do. Yet I am so conflicted with my sense of duty and my sense of self. I want so much in life and yet I feel like I've been pushed and pulled along this path by forces and events out of my control.

I think I think too much. Sometimes my mind literally runs away from me, I've got so much going on in my head, it's just hard to keep up.

I want to take the time to say that I miss my friends, all of you near and far and I want to thank you for being a part of my life even when I've not been a part of yours. you all rock!

My imortalrooster@collegeclub.com email account is in a state of flux, I've had it for years, but I think it's time for it to retire, even though it's being done without my consent. Apparantly it's a source of email virus's and the site might have to delete it for the common good. So what do you think my new email should be?

Possible 2004 Tour Dates For myself around the country and as always are subject to change, Have a great one!

5-7 March Houston, Texas
12-14 March Houston, Texas
30 March ? 4 April Jonesboro, Arkansas
23-25 April Houston, Texas
28 April ? 2 May Clackamas, Oregon
14-16 May Houston, Texas
18-23 May Iola, Kansas
3-6 June Houston, Texas
11-13 June Houston, Texas
9 July-24July Hastings, Nebraska
9July-11 July Houston, Texas
13-15 August Houston, Texas
10-12 September Houston,Texas
22-26 September Fort Chaffee, Arkansas

my schedule from 15Mar2004-20Mar2004 at Barton Springs.
15 M 7:45am - 2:30p.m.
16 T 7:45am - 2:30p.m.
17 W 7:45am - 2:30p.m.
18 Th - Free!!!!!!!!!!
19 F 7:45am - 3:30p.m.
20 Sa 7:45am - 2:30p.m.
21 Su - Free!!!!

You are kinda Snakepit. if we hang out I'll
probably draw you in the comic cuz you're
pretty cool.


How Snakepit are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


Don't get blood splatters on you when you shoot
your victim. Your methods are a bit uncouth but
your finesse and sense of style is impeccable.
With a bit of guidance you could live among us
in the world of vampires.



How would you Murder?
brought to you by Quizilla

Who needs toilet paper?
*LOL* ...I'm not even going to comment.

Possible 2004 Tour Dates For myself around the country and as always are subject to change, if you're in the area and want to hang out, let me know and we'll see if we can work something out. Have a great one!

5-7 March Houston, Texas
12-14 March Houston, Texas
30 March – 4 April Jonesboro, Arkansas
23-25 April Houston, Texas
28 April – 2 May Clackamas, Oregon
14-16 May Houston, Texas
18-23 May Iola, Kansas
3-6 June Houston, Texas
11-13 June Houston, Texas
9 July-24July Hastings, Nebraska
9July-11 July Houston, Texas
13-15 August Houston, Texas
10-12 September Houston,Texas
22-26 September Fort Chaffee, Arkansas

Are You Annoying? (Quiz #3)
Once again, you can find out just how annoying you really are. Fill out the following questionnaire and the experts at AmIAnnoying.com will carefully tally your score. For the most accurate results, please answer each question honestly. And whenever applicable, base your answers around your regular lifestyle. Your annoyingness will be judged with 14 easy questions.
Quiz Results
Points: 66
After extensive research, our crack team of psychologists have classified you as "moderately annoying." Not to worry though, it is perfectly acceptable to annoy others sparingly. It reminds them that you still exist.
Time Spent: 3:56


Make Plans for this!
http://www.thedarknessrock.com/live/
Sunday 11 April:
Engine Room, Houston, Texas, USA
engineroomhouston.net
Monday 12 April:
Trees, Dallas, Texas, USA
trees.com
Tuesday 13 April:
La Zona Rosa, Austin, Texas, USA
lazonarosa.com

that's right the darkness in Austin....
Tickets on sale Saturday, February 28th at noon!

The quartet, The Darkness, single-handedly resurrected the rather unfashionable sounds and attitudes of late 70s hard rock for unsuspecting generations. Using outrageous stage antics that include gaudy leotards, leaps and splits, and ear-piercing falsettos has made this band roll out high-energy sets that are now known as legendary. Be sure to catch The Darkness. For they will show you how to really rock.

Texas Proverb

Life is NOT like a box of chocolates.
Life is like a jar of jalapenos.
What you do today
May burn your ass tomorrow.

Perhaps you have seen this before. It is a touching tribute to our armed forces.
(turn on speakers)
http://www.armedforcestribute.com/


http://www.theonion.com/4006/news3.html

I want to say that I hate the idea of Valentines Day. the idea that I am supposed to have someone in my life then go through the entire commercialized process of being romantic with a red, heart shaped box and some flowers, while having planned an entire evening around dinner and some type of event just to possibly show my interest in a certain female is ridiculous!

Contrived, commercialized romance isn't a reality, it's all a fantasy or as I like to call it in plainer terms a lie and lieing to someone you care about isn't the way to handle or develop a relationship...

This is just me ranting, raving and whatever about crap that you could probably care less about, sorry for bothering you, but the commercialization of holidays has taken all meaning from them for me and if you're wondering, yes I am single and will be for Valentines day and I couldn't be more... oh forget it, who am I kidding of course I'd like someone to buy candy for and all that crap. So I'm a hypocrite.. get over it.

20 days, it's been 20 days since I've last posted a thought here, y'all are right it's been almost a month and you've been left wondering, wondering what's going on in the life of Hugh, This average boy grown to an average man, or has he?

my life isn't as bad as I make it out to be, I know this, Yes, I am going through some rough times, but I tend to magnify them in my own head. having someone there to talk to just helps me get it all out. I've told you before that I hate being alone with my thoughts, my imagination is too imaginative. do you understand what I'm saying? yes, everyone hates to be alone, but I think I'm destined to have these short lived relationships, you know the ones that only last a few months and then I push them away, or something else happens, I hate being alone, but I think I enjoy the pain, it helps me write sometimes. to get the emotion out, to feel again, I think I do my best writing when I'm sad or depressed. Most of you don't know, but I put on a good mask, I've been unhappy for a very long time. so stop pushing them away you say? stop telling them things they don't want to hear, hide the truth from them, I can't do that, that's not me. So I tell them or I don't tell them what I'm feeling and it's so hard to even realize I'm doing it, even though I know in some odd way that I'm doing it. it's subconcious I think. Perhaps I should stop dating or even looking for the perfect girl until I fix my problem? Yet my problem stems from dating and I can't stop, I just need to figure out where to go from here, I'm working on it though one day though I believe I'll just be walking along and I'm going to have this moment where everything seems clear and then wham, I'm going to be hit by a city bus and I won't have to worry about it anymore. But we'll deal with that when the time comes.

On to other things:

My two week job with the COOP lasted one week and I didn't even get all forty of my hours, but I made enough to buy a textbook and pay for school partially. I only have to come up with another $72.00 by March now, which I hope I will be able to do without having to sell any more of my stuff.

I would like to say thank you to my good friend Zach ( aka SimpleSimon, why he calls himself this I do not know, there is nothing simple about this man ) he is a good friend. It's interesting to note that I'm being paid to blog so I must at least attempt to return his investment.

There are those of you out there that I miss, all of you my friends, my acquantances, my family, my loved ones, those of you who are in my life and those who are no longer in my life, you'll never know how much you truly mean to me. I care for you all very deeply and wish for nothing but the best in life for you all.

It seems my family will soon have some good things coming to them, which will be a load off my mind, I don't know where they're going to end up, but hopefully it will be someplace good, they haven't always been there for each other and even now, they have their moments, but I believe that things will get better for them.

My friends, John and Jamie are getting married this month on the 14th of February, Yes Valentines day, somewhere near Houston, I'm not sure if I can make the wedding, but I am working out some arrangements.

I'm always thinking about what I need to think about, I know I need to be more open, more free, but I lock myself into a shell, I know I'm afraid to get hurt, but I need to just free myself, to be who I need to be, what I need to be, to let the tide of destiny sweep me along, yet we all know that's a bunch of crap, destiny isn't predetermined. We all make for ourselves our own destiny. What will mine be? that remains to be seen.

Some people tell me I'm a jerk and an asshole and I can't agree more with them, I know I'm a selfish bastard, but I try not to be always, I try to be a good friend, a good listener, I try to be there when someone needs my help, when others are in need I have answered the call and yes I have reaped the rewards and I am very much appreciative of those of you out there that deem me worthy of such as you have given me. I only hope that I can live up to your expectations. I've been told that I'm going to hell for things I've done in my past, well big deal, I deal with that when I get there, I'm here on planet earth now, and I choose to deal with this life, not the next existence, that will come when it comes. Right now I'm focused on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, to paraphrase both thomas jefferson and John Locke ( Locke it was who said it first but instead of Happiness, he wrote property, I like how Jefferson changed it ).

This is and isn't the truth. you can't tell emotion through a chat program or by posting to a blog, this is just words in text on a screen. little block letters that are just words without substance, without being able to see a reaction from the person typing them or saying them there is nothing that can either be mean or not be mean.

you're the only people I really talk to, I have a lot going on in my life and it seems you're the only ones listening, so you're going to get the full brunt of it all and yet as always I leave things out. what you wonder? you'll never know.

my head ache's, it's been like this for several days now, I think I have too much going on in my brain, what do you think about when you're all alone, when you think the world has deserted you, when it's all quiet and the hour is late, what do you think about in a room full of silence? I was able to not think about my headache for a good while, while playing games with some friends from the building, but now that they are over and it's late, all is quiet, my head and neck are starting to hurt like crazy now, it's sitting behind my eyes for some reason, I think it might also be allergy related but I'm not sure. it's just something I have to deal with, maybe I'll move to New Mexico, it's very dry there, I wouldn't have to deal with my allergies as much, but I think I won't move to New Mexico, there isn't much there for me. I'm having a hard enough time living here that I don't need to complicate the matter by moving further away. would any of you miss me? all the relationship/friendship we have now would be the same. either phone or internet. If I moved a 5,000 miles away what would change between us?

I'm Human, that means I'm flesh, blood and bone, plus a few other things. A simple meatbag with feelings and emotions, a soul if you will. what am I getting at you might ask? I am nothing special, I'm not unique, I am just like everyone else and like everyone else I'll either survive or I won't, that is life. I know I don't make sense most of the time and that my thoughts jump from topic to topic and that I make references to things that only I can make out and I'm both sorry and not sorry for that. It is what it is and I am what I am. I don't get me, which is why you'll never get me. I can't even accurately describe myself, I believe I'm a Human Chameleon, which means that I constantly change, I adapt to my situation. I can fit in with almost any group. I'm so average it hurts sometimes, 6'2 brown hair, brown eyes, white male, middle class American, how average is that I ask of you?

You are all beautiful people, sometimes... what does that mean you might ask? you listen to me, when I'm being a jerk and an asshole. well we all have our moments where we aren't at our best and I mean that emotionally, not physical beauty, but when you listen to me vent and just blather away, then it comes through in waves and when you listen to others, when you genuinely care about the welfare of others, that is beautiful, to me at least. you actually talk to me, and you give me advice even if I don't take it, you tell me what I should hear rather than feeding me a line and that makes you even more beautiful in my eyes.you listen and you talk to me, you actually have something to say and you stand by what you say and I respect that.

right now, these past few days, I have been ugly, I am still ugly, but I'm working on it. I do have a reason to be angry and upset. I won't go into it, but it's my own fault for letting my emotions get the better of me. Once again something precious and beautiful has slipped through my grasp, like so much sand upon the desert, and even though there is more sand in the desert, I valued this part more than all the rest, we shall see what time and the winds bring us, shall it return to me, or be so much dust in the wind of my past?

I'm a selfish bastard sometimes, but I am glad that I have people like you in my life, that I can share my thoughts and feelings with I still care about you and in time, our friendship will grow and change and all that stuff, Regardless of what happens in our lives there are going to be memories of everything and they are good memories and there are bad memories. You have all brought a little light into my otherwise dark world and you still hold a flame burning bright, to help me hold back the darkness.

This is me trying to take a stand for myself, to steady myself in this river of emotion, if I've seemed a bit rough around the edges it's because I'm afraid of drowning. I told y'all before I have a lot going on in my life, and you're the only one's I seem to be able to talk to about it. I just have to learn to sit down and type, though I should probably become more cohesive in my thoughts and not dwell on the negative so much. If this all seems disjointed and irregular well it's because I've been typing this off and on all day, thank for your patience and for reading this. I'll try to do better in the future.

Some of y'all are wondering what I did about classes this semester and about how I'm doing. Well here's a skimming of the surface:

I sold my kidney for $75.00 so that I could start an installment plan at ACC...

Actually I've only got enough to start an installment plan at ACC on two classes, the total for those is $285 with the installment plan ($10 to start) I had to pay 50% up front, so it came out to $142.50 + $10 to start the plan. I had $100 and only needed $52.50. So I wound up running around town this afternoon selling some DVD's, CD's, and a bunch of other stuff. I wound up getting about $64 for what I sold, enough to start the installment plan, but I still have to pay the rest of the $142.50 before the end of the semester, $71.25 of it is due before 6 weeks pass and the other $71.25 is due by the 11th week of class. So now I'm stressing about the rest of the cash for class.

Though this doesn't include the cost of books, which if I get them used they'll cost somewhere around $170. For new books, I'm projecting for the cost at about $220 and since I don't have the cash right now to buy any of them I'm hoping a friend will be taking the same class so that I can borrow a book for a bit of time.

I did get a short gig working at the University COOP for the next two weeks, they needed 50 cashiers for the beginning of the semester. It's not a high paying or glamorous job, but it's available and it will pay me cash soon. It's $8.00 and hour from 8am to 5:00 with something like a 30 min lunch, because I told them I'd be in class at 5:40 so I needed off around 5:00. They didn't make a big deal out of it. My guess is they've worked with students before, haha... check the sarcasm at the door, it's the university COOP right across the street from the UT Campus, of course they've worked with students before.

I'm still looking for a full time or even a part time job, friends of mine seem to be getting all these offers for jobs, we share a phone line and I'm always taking messages for them to call back one job offer after another. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or if I'm looking in the wrong places or what. Maybe with my military training and my work at ExxonMobil, maybe just maybe I'm overqualified for all the positions available in this city. haha, yeah right..

It's all been a little frustrating, but I'm dealing with it. I'm glad that I got into classes it will give me something to do/worry about other than the job hunt and they'll keep me occupied so that I don't sit here all day in my office on the net. I'll actually get out and interact with the common people. haha.. whoever they are the population in my area isn't what one would call diverse, with all the college students, Fraternities and Sororities in the area they isn't a large mix of cultures.

This is a lot about me and I'm feeling a bit selfish or whatever so I shall attempt to rectify that. How are you doing? What's going on in your life? What's going on in your head? What makes you You?

I think that's about all I can ask without sounding like I'm coming on to some of you, haha. I've got to get cleaned up and run some errands around town. I need to hit the VA and TWC plus run back by school and see what's going on there.

My class schedule is:
Math 1332 MW 5:40 - 6:55
Govt 2305 TTH 5:40 - 6:55

Though I am seriously debating switching my Math ( College Mathematics ) to either College Algebra or something else entirely, I'm not a big fan of math, I have this mental block or something, I believe that all math builds upon itself and that somewhere along the way I missed a key important fact, or heck it might not even have been an important fact, but simply a fact and now I have problems with the rest of it. crazy huh?

Well I've got to get going,
Have a great one!

Hugh

oh and if you need to get ahold of me, my cel is dead ( monetarily of course) so call me at: 512-477-5941 that's my office number, sometimes it's forwarded to my boss's cel, so be careful and just leave a brief message if I'm not there to answer it.

Also I have the following net related services:

Email: imortalrooster@collegeclub.com
Email: hugh.h.melrose@us.army.mil
AIM: HughHudson3
YahooIM: Whotookmyshorts
MSN: imortalrooster@collegeclub.com

and you can find me on several online networking sites as imortalrooster@collegeclub.com
www.myspace.com
www.tribes.net
www.friendster.com
www.hipstir.com

You'll be able to get ahold of me somehow! Have a great one!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BEST BUDDY ZACH!!!!

My friend Allye Cat's band SugarBack will be performing at FRIENDS on 6th street this Thursday at 7:00 pm. Come out and have an early cocktail ..... enjoy some great music and great vocals and harmony by yours truly... AND come out and visit with Allye Cat and me ......

GENE AND MARGARET--- I EXPECT YOU TO BE THERE.... DRESSED IN YOUR SUNDAY BEST!!!!

HIT Allye Cat UP IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS ......


Free Day Party ...Valentines in Austin, TX...

"SHOW YOUR LOVE"
Saturday Feb. 14th
FREE....FREE....FREE
pease park - Austin, TX
noon - 8pm
house, breaks & eclectic broken beats / dub

your DJ's will be:
El Conejito Del Diablo - broken beat & dub - 12-1pm
Appolesse - house - 1-2
Tamara - tribal house - 2-3
Dj Daveed & Lucas Wade 3-4.30 playin' BREAKBEATS!!!
Bexarametric - 4.30-6 - Live PA
Mark Pena - 6-??? - house
brought to you with love by:
Blue.Love.Group.



I think I'll have to pawn my bike to go to this show, having two jobs that don't pay the bills sucks adding a third just to try and cover the rest is worse when you're starting a new semester...



you want the truth or fabrication of what's been going on in the life of Hugh?

I hurt my shoulder, I'm out of work even though I have two jobs they don't pay dick, I don't have any cash at all for anything other than the money I have set aside for school, I'm single and it sucks, though yes there are women in my life, but they're several hundred miles away and that doesn't count for anything. Classes started today and the money I have set aside for them is $50 short for tuition installment plan I had hoped to get on to begin a payment plan. Total I'm short almost $200 so I can't go to class. I don't sleep well at night anymore and that's just the icing on my cake.

I don't know if I'll be alright or not, I can only hope things will turn around soon. I hate to have to start pawning my stuff for money for food and gas, but it looks like I might have to.

I picked up a ten day temporary job, though with my shoulder the way it is, I don't know if I'll be able to do the job. More than likely I'll have to pawn a few things to get enough money to take a couple of short semester courses.

The military or the VA or someone didn't work on or lost my MGIB paperwork so I have to do it all again and wait till maybe February.

I'm drunk on my last beers... and I think I'm going to go crash...

thanks for reading this far, later.

Hugh

check out http://www.bushin30seconds.org/finalists.html

What do you think? would you hire me?


Hugh H. Melrose III 2405 Rio Grande Box 39 Apt 108 Austin, Texas 78705
512 - 477 - 5941 / 512 - 947 - 2848

Employment History
Aug, 2003 to Present El Rio Apartments, 2405 Rio Grande, Austin, Texas 78705
Manager

Aug, 2002 to Dec, 2002 H.E.Butts Corporation, Austin # 346, Far West Austin, Texas
Cashier, Bagger,Carryout

Jan, 1996 to Present U.S. Army 75th Division 1st Brigade Battlefield Projections Group, Battle Command Staff Training and Support, Houston, Texas 77054
Current Rank/Pay Grade: Seargent / E-5, Oct 2002
Security Level: Secret
Signal Systems Operations - Specialized training, Cable/Wire Systems, Unit Administration, Radio, Communications Security & Training

Jan, 1999 to Dec, 2001 ExxonMobil Exploration Corporation, Upstream Technical Computing 222 Benmar Houston, Texas 77060
Technical Assistant - Information Management Systems

Aug, 1998 to Dec, 1998 StaffMark, Formerly International Team Consultants
Contractor assigned to Exxon Exploration Corporation in Geo-Science Data Resource Management

Feb, 1998 to Jun,1998 SSL Enterprises, Mail Boxes Etc. #346, Spring,Texas shipping, receiving, customer service, sales clerk, inventory

Education History
2003 – present Austin Community College – Rio Grande Campus

1998 - 2003 North Harris Montgomery Community College System, Houston, Texas
Business and Engineering major, Graphics design and Business courses

1997 - 1997 Sam Houston State University, Huntsville, Texas
Business and Engineering major, ROTC advanced standing

1996 - 1997 United States Army, Fort Gordon Georgia
31 Lima School - Cable and Wire systems installation and maintenance
35 Echo School - Radio and Communications Security, operations and maintenance

1996 United States Army, Fort Leonardwood, Missouri
U.S. Army Basic Training

1992 - 1996 Klein Oak High School, Spring, Texas. graduated May,1996 with special study in Drafting / Architectural Computer aided design, Athletics, Sports Medicine and Marine Biology courses
1995 Second Place Regional Winner in Aerospace Design (AutoCAD)

Computer Applications Experience

Microsoft Office XP/2000, Word, Excel, Powerpoint, Access, XP, NT, Win98, Win95,Office 97 AutoCADD R12, R13, R14, R2000, 3D Studio, 3D Max, 3D Viz, Corel Draw,Adobe Photo Shop 6.0/7.0, Netscape Navigator, Internet Explorer, Webpage design

*DD - 214 On file with Harris County Clerk - verifies military training and honorable discharge from Active Army status to Active Army Reserve status.

Organizations

Boy Scouts of America, Sam Houston Area Council, Houston, Texas
Nov. 1995 Assistant Scout Master, Troop 87, Polaris District
Oct. 1995 Achieved Eagle Scout Rank, Polaris District
Sep. 1993 Explorer Scouts of America, Post 555, Polaris District
Jul. 1993 Order of the Arrow, honor camper youth group of Boy Scouts of America
Brotherhood member

Team Army - USAC - A Road, Mountain and Cyclocross Cycling Club - Mountain Bike Racer

International Mountain Bikers Association

Volunteer Experience

Boy Scouts of America, Sam Houston Area Council, Houston, Texas
Summer camp staff at El Rancho Cima's Horseshoe Bend Camp, 1995
Cockerel River Camp - 1993
Philmont Scout Ranch - 1992, 1994
Assistant Scoutmaster Troop 87, Spring, Texas, Polaris District
Explorer Post 555
Assisted in variety of volunteer efforts designed to benefit the community

Habitat for Humanity, Houston, Texas - Volunteer assisting in construction of homes

Red Cross Disaster Aid Volunteer - Houston, Texas

Texas Sports Medicine Center - Tomball, Texas - Volunteer Physical Therapy Assistant

*References available upon request.

You're Mickey!


which Snatch movie character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



You are "I Miss You"


which Incubus song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Yes, I'm still here in the states, though for how much longer I'm not sure, I have several fellow soldiers that have been recalled and are deployed all over the world in support of current operations. I get almost daily updates on real life situations going on in both Iraq and Afghanistan as well as in the Balkans. I could be deployed to any of these regions at any time and it's interesting to hear about what's going on there, the culures and everything, War isn't always a bad thing it gives us a broader perspective of the world. Life is interesting sometimes and I just tend to wonder about what it could bring. I'm not saying war is a good thing, I'm just saying it isn't always a bad thing if you can wrap your mind around that one.

I keep wondering about things though.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Fight Club!


What movie Do you Belong in?(many different outcomes!)
brought to you by Quizilla

-----

The Elvish name generator, you have a secret name find out here

my elvish name: Haldamir Anwamanë

The Hobbit name generator, you also have a hobbit name find it here

my hobbit name: Togo Broadbelt of Buckland

So it seems mightily important to some few people that I update my blog on a regular basis. I am sorry my friends and readers I did not think that not posting would garner the response that it has, Thank you all for both your kind and not so kind words. I shall endeavor to post more frequently.

What has been going on in the life of Hugh, inquiring minds want to know, ha!

I've completed my semester with a vengeance! I know I struggled and faltered early on in my academic endeavors, but it seems lately, within the past few years that I have somehow achieved a mental state which obliterates coursework without even thinking about it. I have earned "A's" in all my courses and will continue to do so with future courses. It just remains to me to decide what to take next semester, hmmm... there are so many options.

As for my daily life, it is rather dull and boring with moments of insanity and drama thrown in for a bit of spice. I spend most of my days now in the office waiting for people to call or fielding phone calls from people who might call... or calling people who have called.. or I spend it online at any of three sites that seem to have sucked me in, one being Tribe which is not so bad, it is similar to Friendster but it tends to work a bit better and load faster, The next one though is a serious addiction, bordering upon OCD or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Myspace by far blows the two previous out of the water with it's speed and load time, user features and general accessability to others.

It has become an addiction that my friends have remarked upon and to this end I have started taking long walks outside, despite the cold, I love this city it's beauty pulls at me, the clean air, the skies so clear, It's youthfulness next to the history of our state, everything about this city pulls at me. The young intellectuals that reside in the myriad of coffee houses, bars and clubs, sitting side by side with the freaks and geeks, sorority girls and Frat boys, The wanted and unwanted all residing together in this beautiful kaleidescope of a city.

However; I do miss Houston, my friends, my family. being able to go somewhere and hang out for hours on end with people that truly mean the world to me. I wish we were closer to each other, but life and choices have pulled us apart. I miss the dirty beauty of Houston and the northern suburbs/towns of Tomball, Spring and those unnamed areas that we've all given names to, like slices of a big pie they all fit into the puzzle to form a whole work of art.

Hopefully soon I will be able to see it, to experience it. I am still working out getting a ride to Houston to see my family for the holidays. Several options have presented themselves to me, but my odd little workload has prevented me from accepting them. My parents say they'll come and get me if they have to, but I don't want to place that burden upon them. They've had to deal with so much that I don't want to place additional strain on them. Heck I think just my coming home and adding another mouth to feed will be hard enough on them.

I tend to worry about others more than I do myself, I often put my own thoughts and feelings aside if it will help someone else. This has been a detriment to my entire life, to moving forward to become what I want to become, even though the path I'm on is planned and I'm doing it for others in my life, I want to know that my efforts are for me as well, I've made so many choices with others in mind that it's hard to think about what I need and so easy to forget about wants, to simply walk away from something that could be good. All because my duty to others comes first.

I have so much going on in my life, the war, my family, I'm still single, College, The Apartments, Work, Friends... I tend to exist in a perpetual state of tense, I can't relax it seems. I haven't been sleeping a lot lately, my eating habits are the subject of concern among my friends and coworkers. I say these things not to worry you or to make you feel for me, these things are what they are, this is a part of my life, I know that someday things might work out and everything will be okay.

The day is beautiful outside, if a bit cold, I'm going to go out and get something to eat and see what the world has to offer...

oh and in case you're wondering if you're going to get rid of me anytime soon, don't get your hopes up, apparantly I'll be around for a long time in fact according to Deathclock my personal day of death is Tuesday, April 4, 2051.

hopefully this will satisfy y'all for a little while, if not then feel free to contact me or post a reply in my comments. Have a great one all! Happy Holidays or whatever makes you happy.

HELP OUT !!!
Hey, Texas Rollergirls fans!

As you may already know, Texas Rollergirls' own badass Pris (Chelsea Taylor) suffered a holiday tragedy when her house caught fire and burned last week. Pris and her mom are just fine physically, but they lost a lot of their personal belongings in the fire. The big-hearted folks at Ego's -- and some kick-ass bands -- have offered to help with a fundraiser this Saturday, December 20. It's a punk rock BBQ to help Pris and her mom get back on their feet in time to enjoy the rest of the holidays.

What: Punk Rock BBQ to benefit Pris
Where: Ego's on South Congress @ Riverside
Date: Saturday, December 20
Time: 3:00 - 7:00 p.m.
Music from: Amber Violand, Seaflea, The Dickens, and The Rockland Eagles

Thanks in advance for coming out on Saturday -- and an extra special thank you to Ego's for their unflagging support of the Texas Rollergirls.

Best wishes for a safe, happy holiday season,
The Texas Rollergirls

P.S. If you wish to make a donation via paypal you can do so at the following link...

(You may need to cut and paste the link)

https://www.paypal.com/xclick/business=candycornqueen%40hotmail.com&item_name=Pris+house+fire+fundraiser&no_note=1&tax=0¤cy_code=USD&lc=US

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

you want to....

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to post this on your bulletin and see what I say about you?

I need to sleep, it's been so long since I've been able to close my eyes. there's so much going on that I need to get settled...
I had my two finals tonight, I know I got an "A" in government and I'm waiting to hear back on my physical geography class.
more to come soon...

You Should Get a Japanese Inspired Tattoo!

Kanji, anime, manga - whatever.

You're geeky, high tech, slightly obsessive…

Yet cool enough to ink up!



What Tattoo Should You Get?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

So much has been going on in the past week and especially this weekend, it just seems that everything in my life has been going wrong for quite a long time, well except for a certain someone, but I screwed that up and won't go into it here, at least not again. I've been out of town for work, my duty to my country or whatever you want to call it, trashed me, I worked some hella long hours and then went home to my parents a noisy place filled with way too much drama.

Friday I drove a good friend home to Houston, because he was stranded in Austin after his own little major drama, he stayed with me while he was here and damn can that boy eat, reminded me of my little brother at times, but what can I say he's a good friend, if a little odd at times. He's home now and hopefully everything will get better for him soon.

I had to report for Duty this weekend and on Saturday morning I needed to be there at 0500 hours, so at 0415 I'm trying to get my truck started in the cold and while attempting to put a car charger in my useless cigarrette lighter/adapter I blew a fuse in my beast of an old truck frying my radio in the process, I didn't have time to fix it then I had to be at work, which turned out to be a total nightmare of movement and work, I was trashed physically and mentally to say the least. I got to work and back home making only a minor stop at Fry's in Houston to take somethings back I had bought months ago, which Fry's robbed me out of what I paid for them, ran into my good buddy Zach and we got to run around Fry's for a bit, then it was off to meetup with another friend while they were passing through town, it was good to see them again, though I was seriously tired and needed to get home. The truck was making funny noises so I decided to check it later that night and due to it being oddly constructed ( I can thank my father for that one ) I spent hours trying to find the right fuse before I finally got the right one,mostly those hours were spent out in the cold lying on the ground half in and out of the truck and were not much fun, I didn't finish till just after midnight when I tried to start it and it the truck wouldn't start, apparantly I had flooded it somehow, well I got that fixed and then I went inside about 01:30 hours and crashed like crazy

Sunday wasn't much better, tons more work, my truck wouldn't start in the morning and yet I was able to plead my way out of staying longer into the evening and I was released early and I headed back home through Houston traffic which was insane as it always is. I had crashed for about an hour at my parents in Houston then I needed to get back on the road, my friend nicki in Austin had been dealing with some Drama at the apartments and I needed to be there err here where I am now to help her out with it. Too bad my Dad's old crazy truck strikes again just south of Hempstead ( which is about an hour north of Houston) on 290 and almost exactly where my transmission trashed on me a few weeks ago. apparantly I lost a U-joint and my drive shaft dropped to the road below, I made it to the side of the road somehow and after walking around the truck and checking everything. I began making phone calls and only got ahold of a few people. Those that I did get ahold of told me that it would be awhile before they could help me. so I waited for hours in the cold before I was rescued by my sister and my brother-in-law who brought me here to Austin. Then they drove all the way back to Houston, in fact they just left. Have I mentioned before how much they Rock!! at times? it's now 02:00 hours in the morning and I'm extremely tired and falling asleep, I can feel myself spiraling down...when the phone rings, it's one of the tenants upstairs apparantly there are three "people" digging through our dumpster outside and so now I must go and talk to them or call the police and wait for their slow ass's to show up. will this day ever end?

My trucks sitting on the side of the road, there's drama at home and drama here, I'm just so tired about a lot of things, but it should get better soon, there's not much worse that it can get. Anyway I've got to go talk to some "transients and tenants". Have a great one all!

A word of advice:
Don't get mad at your friends on things based on heresay, kids. You'll end up looking like an ass. Friendships fall apart because of this. If you care enough about your friends, talk it out.
We're not in high school anymore. Grow the fuck up.

[edit] btw, before someone thinks this has to do with me, it doesn't. it has to do with my juvenile friends. it's quite sad, is all.

I will be in town this coming weekend, the 5-7th of December and possibly the 8th, who knows, I'm reporting to my unit this weekend and a lot of things are going to happen, but I only have possibilities and no definite plans. I know that there are units being formed and that they aren't at full strength, They're first looking for volunteers and then they'll assign people to slots. It sucks sometimes being in the military, you have no say in where you go, how long you'll stay and that puts a strain on relationships and your own self. Perhaps its just me, I don't know.

My Dad is doing well after his hip replacement surgery, I must mention that I was wrong in saying it was his right hip when it was his left. I'm not sure how I got that mixed up, but it was fifty/fifty shot. I do know that he's had a lot of work done on his right leg. He finally got through to the doctor and will have some in home help for physical/occupational therapy. I hope he's up and moving around again soon. The holidays are going to be extremely hard on my family as it is.

My sister and her family moved again this weekend, I swear sometimes I think she's part nomad or something. I worry about the childrens future, about what's going to occurr to them mentally and psychologically. You need stability when growing up. A home and I know my sister is trying hard and so is her husband, they're doing what they can. She's even gone back to college and is doing well.

it's Thursday and I've got a final tonight, so I'm going to get back to studying. I do miss you all very much, I don't know what I'd do without people like you as friends, family.

Sorry about not writing sooner or calling any of you back, this weekend has been fraught with drama and trauma. I spent most of my holiday with my family,helping out my Dad. How was your Thanksgiving? Mine was a bit Dysfunctional, but still well spent with family. The Holidays are going to be hard for them, Mom works for the school district and with all these holidays coming up her paychecks are going to keep getting shorter and shorter. My brother's looking good though he's lost a lot of weight from working constantly, at least I hope that's why, I think he weighs something like 195 now and that's amazing considering he's always been up in the 230/240's. Dad's doing better since his surgery, but he still whines like a little baby, I know it hurts, but he's got to get up and move around and I'm not going to cut him any slack.

I did get to see my sister and her family, with the exception of my niece Haley, but I did get to play with both Cheyanne and Garret and that was a lot of fun. I've never been close to getting to know her husband Chris, but he seems a decent enough guy, I remember he and vicky drove out to Hempstead practically when my truck decided to upchuck it's transmission fluid, so I know he's not a bad guy, but he's not a very open person either.

It was good to get out of Austin for a bit, to actually see old friends and know that they are doing well. You might be proud to know that I only went to Starbucks once when I was in Spring and once was enough. Some things are hard to face, especially when you might run into someone that you hurt so much. but I can't live my life as a lie, so it is what it is..

The Drama here at El Rio has been interesting to say the least. There was a fire, a "supposed assault" which really didn't happen, but the girl involved was egged on by the local police into filing charges, no it wasn't me, I was still in Houston when this all happened. Apparantly someone went to jail and there were police, fire and ems all around the building. I think there was a bottle of Irish Whiskey and some beer involved. I got a call the next day on Saturday and that sent me into a flurry of packing and driving back to Austin.

Then Saturday night more Drama happened which someone a friend of mine has asked me not to speak of, but even typing this is going to get you to wonder and it is technically speaking of the incident. Once again I'm not involved other than being a friend.

It's been a little crazy here at El Rio for the past few days, I leave and the whole place just starts falling apart, it's a little odd, maybe it has something to do with the weather or the Holidays? perhaps everyone had too much Turkey and their blood sugar levels were elevated to the point of insanity.

I'm just trying to maintain a level of objectivity in this whole mess. There are too many people involved, most of my friends here.

On to the next bit of news, I'll be in Spring/Houston next weekend, Our Friend Uncle Sam has asked for my presence. There is a military ball coming up and just to be honest for a few minutes I actually entertained the idea of asking someone to go, but I screwed up things with that someone and knowing her thoughts and the fact that the tickets are $50 each I thought it best not to. My unit's threatening me with activation again, this time it would be the full meal deal, there's a unit being formed and they've asked for volunteers as we have yet to be assigned this mission, but knowing the military as we do it won't be long before someone get's assigned to fill these vacancies. I'm not saying anything that we both don't already know, Yes, I could be taken at any time that's just how it works and it sucks, but I have only myself to blame. So I'll be in town by Friday, possibly sooner, if you want to get together or whatever let me know.

Once again, Sorry for not calling/emailing I'm a dork and have been really busy, believe it or not this is actually the first time I've had to sit down to the computer and just type. Anyway I hope your weekend went well and that you enjoyed the break from life, How's that going by the way? I know I'm trying to add a lot here at the end and Yes, I'm a dork, but I'm not all bad, one day though...one day I will have it all figured out and until then I've got to be what I've got to be. I hope your week is starting out well and good and that it only gets better! Have a great one!

Hugh

I know I haven't been writing here for awhile, life has been too turbulent to even attempt post, but I will endeavor to bring those of you who might be interested up to date in the next few days.

In the mean time I am in Houston visiting my father who just had surgery, I hate seeing someone I care about in pain and I regret that I wasn't able to get here sooner.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I want to wish you all and I do mean all of you, a Happy Holiday.
I just want to say that I'm thankful for all the friends and family that are in my life and even those who are no longer a part of my life I want to say thank you for the time that we have shared together, those times still shine brightest for me in my memory and I regret the loss that has come between us.

more to come, enjoy or not.

You are Form 0, Phoenix: The Eternal.

"And The Phoenix's cycle had reached
zenith, so he consumed himself in fire. He
emerged from his own ashes, to be forever
immortal."

Some examples of the Phoenix Form are Quetzalcoatl
(Aztec), Shiva (Indian), and Ra-Atum
(Egyptian).
The Phoenix is associated with the concept of life,
the number 0, and the element of fire.
His sign is the eclipsed sun.

As a member of Form 0, you are a determined
individual. You tend to keep your sense of
optomism, even through tough times and have a
positive outlook on most situations. You have
a way of looking at going through life as a
journey that you can constantly learn from.
Phoenixes are the best friends to have because
they cheer people up easily.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I AM HUGH...
Sometimes
I feel too deeply.
I fall in love too quickly.
I cry too easily.
I laugh too loud.
Sometimes
I need too desperately.
I hold on to sorrows that need to be forgotten.
I walk too slowly. I drive too quickly. I forget to call old friends.
I forget to brush my hair. Sometimes.
Sometimes
I can't remember how to breathe
and I can't bear to leave my house
for fear of failing.
Sometimes
I scream and I hurt the ones I love the most.
Sometimes
I am too weak
too WEAK
to control my urges, my angers, my passions, my tears.
I get afraid,
sometimes,
of waking up alone.
Of living the rest of my life
alone.
Of going to bed
alone.
Of dying
alone.
Sometimes
I just sit and watch the rain fall
forever.
And my breath falls upon the ground
like dried leaves
and for a moment I forget
that
I am afraid.

So I've jumped from Friendster to My Space which I'm glad I did, you can find me on either as imortalrooster@collegeclub.com

My space has more features and it just plain works, whereas Friendster is slow and featureless.

What's been going on in my life you ask? well simple enough really. Daily I wake up and I'm already at work, then I might study a bit. Go to classes at night while planning for the next semester, in the afternoons I hang with friends, weekends are usually involving some type of outdoor activity or a show. I was scheduled to participate in a tournament this weekend, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to do so with my hand the way it is.

My hand is an inconvenience, but I'm dealing with it, I'll take the stitches out myself in a few days. There's no sense in spending a ton more money on a hospital visit for something I can do myself.

This life is too fast

Here is a quote below from my current stage of re-reading Proust. Seems to sum up a lot about reading literature and the art of fiction. Also the internet, sadly, has speeded everything up. We need to slow everything down again. Or does it mean the opposite? Im not sure. Whatever the case, it means something we should spend time in pondering.

Next to this central belief which, while I was reading, would be constantly reaching out from my inner self to the outer world, towards the discovery of truth, came the emotions aroused in me by the action in which I was taking part, for these afternoons were crammed with more dramatic events than occur, often, in a whole lifetime. These were the events taking place in the book I was reading. It is true that the people concerned in them were not what Francoise would have called real people. But none of the feelings which the joys or misfortunes of a real person arouse in us can be awakened except through a mental picture of those joys or misfortunes; and the ingenuity of the first novelist lay in the understanding that, as the image was the one essential element in the complicated structure of our emotions, so that simplification of it which consisted in the suppression, pure and simple, of real people would be decided an improvement. A real person, profoundly as we may sympathize with him, is in a great measure perceptible only through our senses, that is to say, remains opaque, presents a dead weight which our sensibilities have not the strength the lift. If some misfortune comes to him, it is only in one small section of the complete idea we have of him that we are capable of feeling any emotion; indeed it is only in one small section of the complete idea he has of himself that he is capable of feeling any emotion either. The novelists happy discovery was to think of substituting for those opaque sections, impenetrable to the human soul, their equivalent in immaterial sections, things, that is, which ones soul can assimilate. After which it matters not that the actions, the feelings of this new order of creatures appear to us in the guise of truth, since we have made them our own, since it is in ourselves that they are happening, that they are holding their thrall, as we feverishly turn over the pages of the book, our quickened breath and staring eyes. And once the novelist has brought us to this state, in which, as in all purely mental states, every emotion is multiplied ten-fold, into which his book comes to disturb us as might a dream, but a dream more lucid and more abiding than those which come to us in sleep, why then, for the space of an hour he sets free within us all the joys and sorrows in the world, a few of which only we should have to spend years of our actual life in getting to know, and the most intense of which would never be revealed to us because the slow course of their development prevents us from perceiving them. It is the same in life, the heart changes, and it is our worst sorrow; but we know it only through reading, through our imagination: in reality its alteration, like that of certain natural phenomena, is so gradual that, even if we are able to distinguish, successively, each of its different states, we are still spared the actual sensation of change.

It's Tuesday morning, early and I'm awake as I am most often these days, I can't seem to sleep at night I have so much on my mind it keeps me awake as I toss and turn, having a hand sensitive to pain doesn't help much either.

Today is Veteran's Day, I know some of us would appreciate a 'Thank you' or whatever, but I've never really thought of myself as having earned the right to call myself a veteran. Yes, I have been in situations and have served my country to the best of my abilities even through irksome tasks and weighty responsibilities, but I don't consider what I've done to be equal to what others have given. The military hasn't always been a voluntary organization, it is only recently such. So those who came before, some went unwillingly, leaving behind friends and families to go somewhere to fight and maybe die or to return from a conflict they didn't wholly understand. It's the same and not the same for everyone who participates in such endeavors and they are changed because of it. Freedom isn't Free seems to be a popular slogan these days and while this is true, people generally think of the fiscal cost of it all and not the human or the emotional side. I joined the Army in January of 1996, I didn't have any high ideals about Duty, Honor or Freedom, not to say that I didn't have these ideals, they just weren't a foundation for my deciding to join. I needed help to go to college, my parents didn't prepare well, but that's okay, sometimes it's better if you have to make your own way. I thought long and hard about the branch of service that I wanted to join and I finally decided on the Army due to familial reasons, my grandfather, whom I am named after also served in the Army, he was part of the D-day invasion and he didn't make it through. My other Grandfather was at Pearl Harbor on the Arizona, luckily a buddy of his made one last check and pulled him out to safety. I have cousins who have served in both Korea and Vietnam, others in more recent conflicts and when I think of Veterans I think of these men and women, Some gave a little and some gave all. I still wonder what my contribution will be and will it be able to even begin to equal the service of others? So if you can, Thank a Veteran today, you'll see them proudly wearing their flags and pins, They know what it means to serve, they understand things like the meaning of the pledge of allegiance, why we have a nation and why we must protect it. You might think I'm an advocate of War or conflict, but I'm not. I think it's one of the worst things Humanity has ever created, but sometimes it's necessary.

This weekend I went to Houston, Duty called and I went to serve regardless of my hand and how it felt I went. While in Houston some things occurred, Life happens my friends and sometimes it's not always for the good or the bad, it just simply happens. I ran into someone I wanted to talk to, but apparantly they didn't want to talk to me, so I made a singular attempt and though I was denied once, I care for this person enough to not harrass them and to respect their privacy. I regret the events that led up to it, I wish I could change things, but they are what they are and I didn't try to hide them, I was open and honest, maybe too honest, sometimes I regret my decision to tell them about what happened, but I know it was the right thing to do because not to do so would have torn me up inside and it would be living a lie and having a relationship tied together by a lie and that I will not do. I know how fragile relationships can be, In the past I have been in situations where others have either lied to me, withheld information or even worse and I will not have a relationship like that. So I will be open and honest about what goes on in my life and if I screw up, then I will freely admit to my wrongdoings, not to hurt the other person, but because they deserve to know.

I posted about them here a while back, Yes I probably sugar coated them and at times, most times I sound a bit melodramatic, but that's the way I write. The reason for sugarcoating or being vague or whatever is not only to respect the privacy of the persons involved ( You'll notice I rarely post names of anyone I'm in a relationship/conflict with ). This is my personal blog, not a public forum, I post here for my own sake and if it is read and liked/hated that's all well and good. I appreciate the comments, that are made and the emails that I receive and I respect the opinions of others.

Some of you may like it, some of you may hate it and others could care less about it, This is my blog, there are many like it and many not like it, but this one is mine, you will learn to either love it like your own or not, but remember this one is mine. Thank you for reading it.

It's Thursday, late at night, actually more like early Friday morning and later this afternoon I think I'll be heading to Houston, I have to my duty calls to me. Sometimes my choice to join the military vexes me, it's terribly hard to maintain any kind of relationship with this kind of stress in my life, Though to be honest I can't blame it entirely on the military, my choice to serve was exactly that, my choice. It's just that I've lost so much to it even while gaining so much, sometimes it just sucks.

I haven't been happy for awhile now, there is someone who was in my life that meant a whole lot to me, more than she knew and I messed it up, sometimes I hold back, hell I know I hold back my emotions for fear of driving people away. I want so much to just let go and let everything flow. I remember in my youth that I used to be so open, so full of laughter and so free with my smiles. what happened to that little boy? He was so full of life and energy. Why am I the man I am now? What has occurred to make me so?

It is best not to dwell on these things. I've been saddened enough already by thoughts, the days here have turned cold, the nights get dark earlier, the city is full of the frigid chill, Winter is coming my friends, the cold winds herald it's coming with howls seeping into cracks, through crevaces and the pores of jackets and winter coats set to ward off the winter chill.

My hand still hurts like crazy. it still bleeds a little and it is all bruised. typing here is very difficult and filled with pain. Though I have to deal with it, I have to work through it. I have it tightly wrapped which is good, because it's like wearing a glove and that helps with the cold. I've dealt with worse, the cold reminds me if I forget, the chill seeps into my bones and they ache with each new day.

It's these cold nights that remind me more so of how I'm so alone, not forfriends I'll never be lonely for having so many friends, which I am so thankful for, but I am lonely for a significant other, you know a one and only, I thought I had found her, only to lose her so quickly and without being able to do anything about it. I long for someone to hold close in the night, to laugh with, to share my thoughts with, to hold closer than close. There is something pure and sweet in sharing your everything with someone you care deeply about and that returns that caring freely.

I will be in Houston this weekend, hopefully I will get to see my friends in my free time, but I don't know if that will be possible. If I will have any free time, between working for Uncle Sam aka the U.S. Army and my family, I hope I will have time to see my friends.

a story I developed about my hand, that's not true and that I've not told anyone other than my good friend Kyle, but I told him about the glass right afterwards:

Did you hear that I got stabbed in the hand? yeah it's true, I was walking home from school the other night and I heard this scream so yours truly went into action. rushed to this darkened alleyway and there was this girl being attacked by this homeless drag rat nasty, I grabbed him and threw him against the wall. he must have been high cause he came flying back at me screaming, I pushed the girl back but she grabbed my arm. I only had one free hand, that's when I noticed the knife in the dude's hand and I blocked with my free hand, shoved the girl harder away and brought my free arm around and nailed him right in the throat. brought my knee up into his groin, then dropped him hard, kicking him in the head a couple of times. he wasn't moving too well after that, the girl was screaming though then I noticed my hand was bleeding like crazy. What about the girl you ask, she was fine, her clothes were torn a bit, I think she might have had a few cuts and bruises, I tore a hunk off my shirt wadded it up and wrapped my hand in it to help prevent further bleeding, we called the cops and waited for them to come, then I went to the emergency room. I've got a two inch cut, with 8 stitches in it. It was a pretty nasty stab, just barely missed my flexor tendons and the nerves, I was lucky, though we'll see how lucky I am when I get the bill.

but honestly if you'll read the post below you'll find out that I was removing glass from a picture frame and the frame broke sending broken glass into my hand I did have to go to the emergency room though. Well it's getting late and I've got things to do later tomorrow err today, so I hope everyone is doing well and I look forward to seeing/hearing from you soon. Have a great one all!!

hey :) Sorry I haven't written here in awhile, once Monday hit things went a bit crazy around here, I've got projects due tonight and I needed to hit them hard.

Speaking of hitting things hard, in my zeal (sp?) to get things done I broke some glass in a picture frame, luckily or rather unluckily I was able to catch the pieces before they shattered all over the floor, the unlucky part is that I cut my right hand pretty bad and had to go to the emergency room, which is where I was all night last night and a good part of this morning. Now my hand looks like a giant cotton ball, but they say I'm lucky because I just missed all the tendons and nerves. so there is a silver lining to this whole incident, I'm now waiting for the bill to come, they told me it was going to be something like $700 and I was like what??!? I seriously don't have that kind of cash just lying around, so I'll see what I can do about getting some help, but I don't know I haven't even gotten the bill yet..

How was everyone’s Halloween? What did you do? I simply had a great time with friends, went down to sixth street and got a little crazy, my friend Nicki had a great time as well, she got to hug a giant inflatable penis, don’t worry I took pictures while yelling the line from Jay and Silent Bob Strike back, “ She Love’s the cock!!” it was crazy and a lot of fun, I haven't been this happy in awhile. Austin is so dark to me these days, I sometimes question why I moved back here and not somewhere else, what would have been different if things had gone another way? I ponder these things in the long hours of the day.

Last Saturday night was a little crazy too, I went to a Frat after Halloween party that some friends of mine were throwing, I felt so old there, but I did my thing and mingled and talked up a storm, the bands sucked, but people had fun and I'm glad to say that at the end of the night I went home alone, not for lack of offers, but because that's not what I'm looking for. Anyway..

Work for me has picked up tremendously I have apartments to rent, then the Army this coming weekend in Houston and on top of that I have these projects due in two hours with only one hand, please excuse my abrupt ending to this, please feel free to call me if y'all need anything. Have a great one!

Do you remember a yesterday so long ago when the weather was amazing?
and how it all turned to crazy.

lost in your smile
wishing to be
found on your lips
with a
kiss so simple
but a feeling so complex
while your
hands warm on my back
give me
a shiver cool as ice
my focused senses
become
scattered sensations
distant illusions
become a
close reality
you're a dream to me
stranger of beauty
all these feelings
i'm having,
realizing,
because
i'm lost in your smile
wishing to be
found on your lips.

Inspiration: Reflecting on someone's cute smile. It had me daydreaming of a memory from not so long ago. I wish that memory were a reality, but such things as said cannot be, there was no explanation for my consternation, it simply had to be what it would be and nothing was able to be. So here I sit now in my lonely reality, wishing and reflecting of a memory of a smile. It's late at night when I think of her the most, those nights I can't seem to sleep, when I want to pick up the phone just to hear her voice, everything seemed to be going right, it seemed better, now Austin is so dark to me, the skies are grey, the winds have turned colder and all I want to do is capture those last few moments of summer and hold them close as if I could hold her close to me again. I think of her every day and I want her to know how I'm feeling, how much she means to me still.

Erase the answers on my filled out form then copy and paste it to another bulletin to let people know more about you. Who knows? You may attract a new friend because you answered alike. Wishful thinking on your part because no one really likes you. They're just using you to get to your eggo’s.

1. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

It’s been too long, I'm not exactly one to let my emotions run free and I know it's unhealthy to keep things bottled up inside, but I do until they come pouring out.

2. WHEN YOU WERE A KID (SAY AGE 3 TO 10 OR SO) WHAT DID YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GREW UP?

Honestly? I wanted to be a knight with a horse, lance and a big friggin sword, I think sometimes I still do.

3. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A BUG?

It’s highly possible, I think while riding my bike one may have found it’s way into my mouth a few times, then there was cub scouts and my first chocolate covered ant.

4. DO YOU CONSIDER YOURSELF LAZY?

At times yes, but then I have these moments where you just can’t seem to get me to stop.

5. WHO WAS THE FIRST PERSON YOU EVER KISSED AND HOW OLD WERE YOU?

I must have been very young because it was probably me Ma’

6. GUYS - HAVE YOU EVER HAD A MULLET? GIRLS - HAVE YOU EVER HAD ONE OF THOSE POM POM IN THE FRONT HAIR-DOS? YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT IF YOU HAD ONE.

I had something close, long hair when I was a freshman in High school and the beginnings of a scraggly beard. I got over that phase real fast.

7. WHAT KIND OF VEHICLE DO YOU DRIVE?

I have a truck, but it’s in Houston, a 1988 Chevy S-10 2-door Blazer and my 1996 Yamaha Virago, here now in Austin I’ve got my bicycles, one Kona Full suspension and a Marin hardtail.

8. HAVE YOU EVER STAYED WITH A PERSON LONGER THAN YOU SHOULD HAVE BECAUSE YOU FELT BAD ABOUT HURTING THEIR FEELINGS?

Unfortunately, yes, but I thought it was for the best. Sometimes you have no choice.

9. DO YOUR GUMS BLEED WHEN YOU FLOSS?

No. because I don’t floss, yeah, yeah I know, whatever, but I've never really had a problem with my teeth.

10. HAVE YOU EVER HAD A CAVITY AND IF SO HOW MANY?

Honestly I don’t know, it’s been a few, but I usually do rather well in regards to my teeth, despite the fact that I rarely go to the Dentist.

11. HAVE YOU EVER TALKED TO SOMEONE ON THE PHONE WHILE ON THE TOILET?

Hell yeah I have, all the time, when I gotta go I go.

12. DO YOU PREFER CATS OR DOGS?

I can go either way.

13. DO YOU BELIEVE THAT ALL DOGS GO TO HEAVEN AND IF SO WHY? IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE THAT THEY ALL GO TO HEAVEN THEN DO YOU THINK THAT THEY SHOULD?

I honestly haven’t given it much thought.

14. DO YOU THINK THAT ROY FROM SIGFRIED AND ROY HAD IT COMING?

Sure, why not you hit me on the nose with a microphone often enough and see if I don’t maul you a bit.

15. HAVE YOU EVER HAD AN ACCIDENT IN YOUR PANTS WHILE TRYING TO FART WHILE YOU WERE AN ADULT AND NOT WEARING DIAPERS?

I think I’m going to plead the fifth on this one just for comedies sake.

16. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN JAIL OR HELD BY THE POLICE?

Yes, I’ve been in jail in several countries, but what I'm wondering is if tours count? or if I was dropping someone off?

17. NOW THAT YOU LIVE ON YOUR OWN, ASSUMING OF COURSE THAT MOST OF YOU DO, DO YOU CUSS IN FRONT OF YOUR PARENTS? ON THE PHONE COUNTS TOO.

Yes, but I did it long before I ever moved out, my parents and I have an interesting relationship.

18. HAS A HOMOSEXUAL EVER COME ONTO YOU? HOMOSEXUALS NEED NOT ANSWER, BUT BY NOT ANSWERING YOU ADMIT THAT YOU'RE A HOMOSEXUAL. NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH BEING A HOMOSEXUAL BUT WE JUST DIDN'T KNOW. OKAY?!

Yes, both males and females And I don’t mind it at all, I’m polite enough to let them know that I’m straight.

19. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN ANY EXOTIC SORT OF MEAT? THIS DOES NOT INCLUDE BEEF, PORK, CHICKEN, FISH, SEAFOOD, OR OPPOSSUM AS EVERYONE HAS HAD THESE ONE TIME OR ANOTHER.

Squid, Coyote, bear, blowfish, gator, sushi, sashimi etc. etc. but when it comes to some of my family these aren’t so exotic.

Yes, I know it's a Tuesday and I haven't written in awhile, or well I haven't written here in awhile anyway, I've been writing a lot in other places. Much has been going on in my life and I'm simply trying to make it through to the next day. I'm beginning to sort things out, to settle in here in Austin. I wish some things in my life were different,

Such as my capacity to share my feelings with those that are closest to me and not through my writings or emails, but face to face or at least voice to voice. I have so much inside of me that I want to share, but I hold back, because I’m scared of being happy? Or maybe because I’m scared of losing control. I know that’s a part of it. That I have it in me to love someone so completely, it’s just locked away behind a mass of scar tissue and chains.

I wish that I didn’t procrastinate or hesitate so much, I know that I begin with good intentions, but unfortunately along the way I’m side tracked and the opportunity passes me by.

But enough of that right now, people as a whole tend to dwell on the negative and I know that I do it. I have positive things in my life, good friends, family that cares in their own weird dysfunctional way.

I just wish some things were different about me and about my life.

But on a different less introspectional note let me update you on what I've been doing, don't worry it hasn't been much so you won't have to read a long post like mine others have been of late. Basically I've been working around the apartment complex, been to class on a regular basis. I've gone out with friends, both new and old, some evenings consisted of absolute craziness others a simple dinner with friends. I'm dealing with some serious sinus congestion/ allergies and the weather here isn't helping, it's like it doesn't know whether it wants to be winter or not here. My Physical Geography Professor says it has to do with the Balconies Fault and the weather patterns coming from California. Either way it's not helping.

I have some papers to write for my government class, they seem to be combining themselves and are turning into what appears to be a bill, perhaps I'll submit it to a local congressman for consideration and then eventual dumping into the garbage, or who knows. it's not a particularly controversial issue.

A friend has arrived within the past few days all the way from Austria, though he is not Austrian, he's Norweigan, Stian is an anomaly in the world of El Rio, maintaining a presence from thousands of miles away and on odd times of the year he comes back. He's seems a decent enough fellow, though a bit European in his tastes and habits. but still a good guy.

Anyway I have to get back to work soon, but I will attempt to write more later.

my internet connection is Fubar'd if you need to contact me sometime this weekend give me a call, 512-947-2848 cel or at home 512-477-5941. I hope everything is going well with you and yours!

I went to Houston for the weekend and drama ensued... it's almost too much to write about, what? You think I was visiting a significant other? Unfortunately no, I went to see my parents, my friends.

I found that my parents and I have a better relationship when I'm living here in Austin, than when I'm there in Houston. We didn't even speak and I told them I was coming into town weeks ago, but they made plans all weekend long, its okay, do you really want to hear about this? it seems a bit trivial once I start getting it out, but then again nothing is too trivial when your parents are treating you like garbage so I’ll share as much as I like even though it's not all about my parents, but I'll get to that later.

I went to Houston with a friend of mine she lives about 15 min from my parents so I took her home for the weekend. While I wasn't able to be around my parents I went over to her house and hung out with her family. Her little brother is in a band and needed to sell tickets, Nicky, my friend didn't have the cash to buy them so I bought them and said I would go too. Later that night we ran into my friend Jean, who talked about seeing our friend Drew who was in a motorcycle wreck and is still in the hospital this is the first time that drew has allowed visitors. So Nicky and I agreed to go, the problem was that Nicky’s brother didn't sell enough tickets to his concert in time, so they bumped him from 2:00 p.m. to 11:00 a.m. to play and we had planned to meet with jean around 9:30 a.m. to go see drew, cause he is better in the mornings, well when you get a bunch of friends together that haven't seen each other in awhile at a local coffee shop in the morning everyone's going to say hi and whatever. So Nicky and a friend left early to go to the concert and I said I would meet them there after I found out where Drew was so that we could see him later. Well when we got to the Hospital it was already 10:30 a.m. and once I got there, my friend Drew took precedence and I didn't go to the concert, I mean Drew could have died right? So a concert didn't seem all that important.
Apparently Nicky’s pissed off and says that her brother would have rather sold his tickets to someone who would have come to the concert, apparently even his own brother, Dustin didn't go. Well, I thought he would have understood everything with Drew in the Hospital. Michael seems like a level headed kid, but maybe it's just Nicky.

We had a friend who had to go to fort hood on Monday, to get some stuff. I was supposed to leave the truck in Houston and Nicky and I ride with them, but they decided to leave early, and I wound up having to drive to Austin, I was leaving the truck in Houston so that my dad could take a look at it, it's been running oddly.

I know I probably should have left the truck for my parents, but I got into an argument with someone before leaving Houston and I tore out of there with the truck. I was probably upset because my now official ex-girlfriend emailed me, it’s a bit complicated, but she basically said that this is what it is and it’s the way it has to be, she won’t talk to me or anything and that pisses me off, I’m not even given a chance to either defend myself or talk to her about anything at all. I did call her and tell her that I was in Houston on Friday and if she wanted to talk then to give me a call, that's all I said. I know I know, but at the time it seemed like a good idea, I really liked this girl and I still do, but just like the others I’m going to have to learn to move on.



On the way back to Austin I remembered I had forgotten my bike at Sun&Ski, so I had to turn around and go back. I get the bike, see some friends at Sun&Ski, chat it up for a bit, then turn around and fight my way through Houston traffic,

So now I'm all upset and driving like crazy back to Austin, because I just want to get home to someplace normal, lol... Austin... normal....
Anyway my boss calls me and asks me when I'll be back in Austin and I told her I was just now leaving Houston and wasn’t sure, she needed to know, because she wanted an Apartment shown to a prospective tenant, so we decided on 8:00 p.m. would be about the time I would get back. A couple of minutes after getting off the phone with my boss I just happened to look up in the rear view mirror, cause I do that every now and then.

There is a huge cloud of smoke spreading out from the back of the truck, at first I thought I was driving on a dirt road, but no I was on asphalt I checked the gauges and lights and everything seemed fine, no indications of anything wrong. Everything was working fine. Well I remembered a gas station that I had passed and so I turned around and went back.
It must have looked like a scene from Spy Hunter I pull into this chevron and I pop the hood and check everything, it seems fine. So I look under the truck and there is red-black fluid pouring out from under the entire bottom of the truck. What was it you might ask? Transmission fluid and I was like hm... Weird... is it just leaking? No it was pouring. I didn't have any tools or anyway to fix it. So I tried calling my parents, no answer. I called my boss and told them I'd be a little late, if I even got to Austin I called a bunch of people to see if anyone could help, I got a hold of my good friend Timbo, but he was in Houston and I wasn’t about to ask him to drive all the way out to where I was, I was in the middle of nowhere. I finally go hold of my sister and she, my brother-in-law and the entire pack of rug rats showed up a few hours later.

In the meantime here I was lying on the side of the road with my legs up in the driver’s side of the truck with all this red-black fluid pouring everywhere... I thought it was pretty artistic, all these random people kept coming up and asking if I was okay and friends kept calling me and asking where I was, so I kept telling them where I was, lying on the side of the road.

I had to leave the truck after my brother-in-law pronounced that it was too late to do anymore looking at it, so they convinced me to grab what I could and they and the rug rats drove me to Austin, it was great, my nieces sang to me and my nephew just slept. Yeah and when they got here they invaded my apartment like a tornado and now I'm 1 football, 1 basketball, and a few other things less but it was cool, I enjoyed having them over, They played catch in the front yard of the apartments with some of the other tenants and just basically ran amuck around the place for a little while. I'd like to think that it strengthened my relationship with my sister and her husband, whom I didn't know well, but I got the opportunity to do so. So my weekend didn't end so badly.

Though the next day, Monday, started off badly, I went with my friend Nicky to Starbucks for Coffee and she started into me about the concert that I didn’t go to. I was eating stale oatmeal raisin cookies and banana nut bread and afterwards Nicky kept saying she was hungry and couldn’t decide where to go. After several minutes of that I was annoyed, I told her I wasn’t hungry because of what I just ate and I asked her where she would like to go, she replied back with some smart comment like why did it matter to me I had already eaten. At that point I just got up and left, I came back here to the apartments and just stayed to myself for the rest of the day, just me and my thoughts.

So now it’s Tuesday, what do I have planned for the rest of the day? Well, I'm about to go have lunch with my buddy Dave, study a bit, maybe write if I can get what I'm thinking out of my head and onto paper, try to resolve the concert issue with my friend Nicky (she’s still pissed at me and we haven't spoken since yesterday) and then I have class later from 5 till 10. So I’m out like a dying street light, slowly fading away…

1. WHAT IS YOUR Middle name?
Hudson

2. WHAT kind of PANTS ARE YOU WEARING and what color?
Blue jeans, baggy from old navy on tax free weekend

3. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The air conditioning vent outside my door

4. WHAT ARE THE LAST 4 DIGITS OF YOUR PHONE NUMBER?
512-947- 2848

5. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE:
Easy Mac and burnt fish sticks, damn broken oven timer

6. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Blue, cause I like blue!!

7. HOW IS THE WEATHER RIGHT NOW?
It’s nice, a little chilly, but that’s good snuggling weather

8. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Dustin

9. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
I should probably say something nice like the “eyes”, but I’m going to be honest and say the face and then the body.

10. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT YOU THIS?
Hmmm… I’m still working on that one

11. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
Mixed up, I’ve got a lot on my mind.

12. FAVORITE DRINK?
Water followed closely by Iced Tea, then Dr. Pepper

13. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Vodka, especially Tito’s!!

14. FAVORITE SPORTS?
Football, Hockey, Mountain Biking, a few others

15. HAIR COLOR?
Brown

16. EYE COLOR?
Brown

17. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
no, glasses

18. SIBLINGS AND THEIR AGEs?
Older Sister: Victoria (27) and Younger Brother:Charles (23) Yep that makes me the middle child, all messed up.

19. FAVORITE MONTH?
February or March when the Spring is still cool and turning to Summer

20. FAVORITE FOOD?
Pasta, almost any kind and style.

21. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED AND WITH WHO?
Theatre: Kill Bill
Home: Army Of Darkness

22. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
That one day everyone else doesn’t like


23. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
At times I can be, Other times watch out.

24. DO YOU LIKE SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
I like to think that the journey is what counts not the destination, and if I happen to be a little happy or scared along the way, well then that’s good too.

25. SUMMER OR WINTER?
summer.

26. HUGS OR KISSES?
depends on who it is, could just be a good firm handshake.

28. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA?
For what ;o)

29. DO YOU WANT YOUR FRIENDS TO WRITE BACK?
yes, please.

30. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Janae aka Aurora, she loves these things.

31. WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
That crazy sarah chick.

32. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
Bird by Bird. Red leaves at Night, Salman Rushdie’s Fury

33. WHAT'S ON YOUR SCREEN SAVER?
A picture I took of a shadowed alley in Croatia

34. FAVORITE BOARD GAME?
Risk, Monopoly, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit, just bring it.

35. WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?
I laid on the side of 290 after my truck broke down on the way from Houston to Austin, then my sister and her family brought me back, then I spent the night with friends.

36. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Lavender and vanilla on a woman, cookies baking and I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

37. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN
YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING?
If I even go to bed, then it’s probably why am I even awake, what am I going to do today? And that I probably shouldn't have drunk so much caffeine the night before.