this morning I had the opportunity to take part in the army physical fitness test and now my body is so shredded... I'm glad to say that I passed it, at the minor expense of my health for the next several days. I workout daily, but on Test days I always take a little something extra to get me going, this morning consisted of about 3 redbulls, a bananna and a cliff bar, my heart was ramming against my ribcage and then I started on the test... right now my heartrate is still jumping, my right half of my head is simply pain, my legs are on fire and my arms are barely able to allow me to type this and my abdomen is cramping up, I'm trying to get water into my system, but I gotta do it slow...need to take my time to rebuild, oh wait, I've got to work today, no rest for the weary, just a shower and a quick change then it's high ho high ho off to work I go...fun fun fun for everyone!

In other news this weekend was great. I was able to have so much fun with my friends that I only partially got my homework done for class tonight, hooray, gonna cram all I can in the few minutes before class begins tonight, come up with something brilliant like I always do. My truck is still making funny noises, I just had the brakes worked on last Monday. I'm not liking the idea that I may have to spend more money on it to get it working right.

In other news I may be purchasing a Jeep Cherokee Sport soon, though I still have to view it and get it checked out. I also recently retrieved a book of writing of mine from my friend Clay and Suzannah, they're moving so I wanted to get it before they make the move, even though it's local things still have a habit of disappearing.

After today, I have 11 days and then I'm on a plane, this past weekend my good friend Adam Giralba moved with his family to Washington D.C., you will be missed, Also in a few more days my good friend Haitham will be going to Jordan for a month or so and then back for a couple of weeks before venturing over to Puerto Rico to live and help run his father's business. He is new to the group and will be missed as much. I don't know when I'll be able to return, the life of a soldier is not his own, he goes where the decisions of others send him. My good friend Tim from Austin was accepted into a Music School in New York and will be leaving soon, Alex and Juibo also are moving I hear, so many friends all scattering to the winds...

*sigh* time to get back to work

I have discovered a new obsession: http://www.youmustchoose.com/ and all I can say is...kittens are yummy...

~ RIVER OAKS MIDNIGHT SERIES ~
June 27 & 28 - SPIKE & MIKE'S SICK & TWISTED FESTIVAL OF ANIMATION
June 27 & 28 - PRETTY IN PINK
July 4 & 5 - PEE WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE
July 11 & 12 - PINK FLOYD: THE WALL
July 18 & 19 - GHOST IN THE SHELL
July 25 & 26 - FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS
August 1 & 2 - THE GOONIES
August 8 & 9 - WILD AT HEART
August 15 & 16 - MAD MAX
August 22 & 23 - THE PRINCESS BRIDE

I am so there!, btw I stole this list from Alicia,

In other news my circle of friends continues to grow, to the inclusion of three count them three new personages in my life, I love how coffee houses tend to bring people together who would not normally have met under other circumstances, Welcome to my life, dysfunctional as it is, everyone say hello to: Leslie, Jamie and Jason, all three additional writers/musicians. exxxxcellent smithers...more guinea pigs for the fire...heh heh....BTW Discussions turned to music and I had to bring up one of my personal favorites, Mr Oizo and Flat eric, if you don't know, then your totally missing out, go search for them now and download everything you can... life is beautiful as my friend Haitham says...

it's Friday so it's time for the Friday Five

1. How are you planning to spend the summer [winter]? Currently I'm working 24/7 for the U.S. Army and heading to college at night, if I've got some free time it's always spent with friends at a local Starbucks, that crazy little coffeehouse that's taking over the world.

2. What was your first summer job? I used to be a summer camp counselor, that was so much fun, living out of a tent for 3 months, teaching the skills that were taught to me to a younger generation, that was the greatest.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer [winter], where would you go? for the summer I would love to go on an ultimate road trip across the entire US or at least most of it, that would be tons of fun, especially if I could go with some great friends

4. What was your worst vacation ever? I don't know if I've ever had a bad vacation

5. What was your best vacation ever? there are aspects of all of them that bring smiles to my face, roadtrips to nowhere, colorado and kansas, dallas to visit family, a week once spent in San Antonio, New York during the spring time, tons of places just fill my mind with memories...

This is a great friday five, very thought provoking and memory resurfacing, I like this, you should try it out sometime too, all you need to do is go here Today feels like it's going to be a great day, I'm heading out into it in a bit, I can't stop this sunny feeling in my heart... err something like that, Ha! later!

if you take nothing from this blog take this: http://www.badsamaritan.com/ and read it!

Now for something totally different...

I want to run away like
I don't want to be here
be on my own
all over alone
again but
the madness is too sweet...

Being in love is hard to do when you've always avoided it, always avoided the madness. It seems so hard to make a relationship work and easier to just let go. But then there's always the perks that keep you hanging on.

Attempted to post this yesterday, but blogger was acting crazy...

June 24th's This or That Tuesday Questions: Everybody's Gone Surfin'!
1. Surf sites at random, or have a set list of regular reads? Honestly I tend to do both, though I do have a list of regular reads,
2. Do you visit mostly blogs, or news or other sites? I like the reality of the blogs, but I gotta have my email and games
3. Do you go online every day, or just a couple of days a week? Everyday if possible, gotta keep the people informed
4. Do you allow comments on your blog, or not? I do now, I had some problems in the past with posting, but that’s all fixed now.
5. Do you shop online at all, or at regular stores? If I see something interesting or that I can’t find anywhere else then I’ll buy online, but mostly I like to see what I want before I buy
6. Have you ever done online bill-paying/banking, or not? Not yet, but I have thought about it.
7. Which news site do you prefer... MSNBC.com or CNN.com? Or do you prefer some other one? I prefer the Onion, because you can only take so much reality bent before yours goes as well
8. Live chat rooms, or message boards? Both, once again, gotta keep the people informed
9. Instant messaging or e-mail? Email mainly, AIM and Yahoo IM when I can get on to check it
10. Yes or no: have you ever met, or at least talked on the phone with, another blogger? If not, would you want to? Why or why not? Of course, some of my best friends are bloggers, or livejournal’ers, heck even a few deadjournals are in the mix, then there are the select few who’ve written their own code. I’ve got this great online/offline group of friends, you guys and gals rock the rock!

"And He shall judge among the nations, and shall rebuke many people: and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks: nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more." -Isaiah, Isaiah 2:4

it's wonderful to dream isn't it?

"In words as fashions the same rule will hold,
Alike fantastic if too new or old:
Be not the first by whome the new are tried,
Nor yet the last to lay the old aside."
-Alexander Pope, Essay On Criticism, An

"Far or forgot to me is near;
Shadow and sunlight are the same;
The vanished gods to me appear;
And one to me are shame and fame.
They reckon ill who leave me out;
When me they fly, I am the wings;
I am the doubter and the doubt,
And I the hymn the Brahmin sings."
-Ralph Waldo Emerson, Brahma

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep."
-Robert Frost, Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-Robert Frost, Road Not Taken, The

We as a people have a long way to go, but in the end, perhaps we will be able to be able to live together, the journey is long and if what we do now has an effect on the future then we must do all we can and make a difference...

Today is my birthday, dudunnnaduduDah! yeah it's your birthday too!

This weekend was great, I was able to spend it with almost all of my friends and I saw someone I'd wanted to see for a long time, we kind of passed in the daylight, like two ships, but it was good to see them.

Interestingly enough my morning of my birthday didn't go so well. While driving to work on freeway at my usual fast as fast can be speed I was astonished when what should occur to me, but my breaks went out, went wild and free. So to my offramp I drove at an unstoppable speed right off to the side where I only could proceed up around down and in to the parking lot of the local burger king, by that time I thought my truck might slow down when upcoming to me was a steep drop to the ground, so out I flew to apply what I could the strength of one man pitted against my trucks hood. I pushed and I shoved and dug in my heels, all I could do was to slow spinning wheels, I tried what I could, I did what I might and it wasn't until I came to the edge that my vehicle stopped inside creating a wedge in the left front fender of a local cop car. I heaved a sigh of near startled relief for my truck I had stopped only to incure more grief, for the vehicle I had struck in this parking lot, was owned and operated by a UT cop. understanding he was with my sad little tail, my expired insurance and lack drivers license detail, no ticket forthcoming just paperwork needed, and after a supervisor and multiple others arrived, switched out his car and proceeded to drive. I was on my way to work I know, but without my breaks there was nowhere to go. so I phoned my job understanding they were and we hobknobbed a reason and a course a tow truck was in order, of course. towed to the northside of houston I was, where I had a contact at a local brake service dealer and my truck went up as I sat down, after a few hours I realized what a clown that today is my birthday, the perfect day for something like this to happen...it's practically a classic..

it's Saturday and I'm at school...what's up with that? Oh yeah I have a research paper to do...

I'm registering at blogshares and at blogchalk

This is my new blogchalk:
United States, texas, houston, English, Hugh, Male, 26-30, writing, mountain biking. :)

you'll have to scroll all the way down to the bottom to view the actual image of the blog chalk.

did you know you can email the president? go to www.whitehouse.gov and click on the links there for contact. I've sent him several emails and have yet to get a response.
whatever happened to the right of redress or whatever it is when you ask a politician a question and they have to respond...

The Friday Five for Jun 20, 2003, Some of you have asked me how this works, where I come up with the questions and whatnot, You simply go to the site and answer the following five questions in your weblog or journal. Make sure you leave a comment there with a link to your post (or just leave your answers in the comments section).

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?
short, thin fine straight hair
2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
I've mostly had it cut short, but for the awhile I had long past shoulder length hair and for awhile I was bald.
3. How do your normally wear your hair?
short on the sides, blocked in the back, faded up to the top, which I keep a bit longer and parted on the left side.
4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
I've thought of changing the color, to something totally different from my normal brown, I though I might go dark black.
5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
When I let my hair grow long I didn't take care of it and it was nasty, also my hair is thin and fine so it doesn't hold hairspray or gel very well and when the wind catches it, well you guessed it, my hair is everywhere.

you know that wasn't a very exciting Friday Five come to think of it.

to make this post just a little bit more exciting, http://www.bradcollins.org/

testing haloscan comments tool... hmm...where are my comments?

"Take away paradox from the thinker and you have a professor." -Søren Kierkegaard

A professor or teacher must teach from a set of rules regarding the subject at hand, at least that's my interpretation of the qoute. what's yours?

"Society has always seemed to demand a little more from human beings than it will get in practice." -George Orwell, A Collection of Essays

this is both good and bad in a sense that we are human and as such we will always have something to strive for and something to do, but unfortunately we'll never achieve all we have to as a species, there will always be something negative going on.

You know what? In recent months a friend called me intrepid, I have a big heart and just tonight a friend described me as 'too sincere'. That may be true. But I like being me and how it makes me feel and the precise ways it gets me into trouble. I'm funny ( at least I laugh at my jokes ) and smart, and sane though others might think otherwise (these things can be verified). Also, I don't mind being wrong and, considering I am so pretentious, I admit that often.

I am determined to finally go skydiving again this year. Please go with me.

Also (important!): Too many people think Monster Truck events are silly. I like them because of that.

"I woke up one day..."
So now I try to look at the small beauties around me everyday.
Things people pass by and take for granted.
I find beauty in a piece of glass in a mud puddle,
a cat perched on a fence,
idly watching the world go by
the laughter in a good friends smile, etc.
I believe very few people can see
the true beauty in things
and I strive to be one of those people
with eyes wide open
I enjoy: lounging outside,
mountain biking, getting sweaty on a hot day,
then a cold dip in the lake
introducing myself to random people,
going to museums and plays,
concerts and midnight movies,
snowboarding and skiing,
writing and reading,
staying up late
to have long, intense conversations, etc, etc.
all because...
" I woke up one day, afraid I was going to live."

Someone sent me this and so I'm passing it on:

In light of the many perversions and jokes we send to one another for a
laugh, this is a little different: This is not intended to be a joke, it's
not funny, it's intended to get you thinking.

Billy Graham's daughter was interviewed on the Early Show and Jane Clayson
asked her "How could God let something like this happen?" (regarding the
attacks on Sept. 11).

Anne Graham gave an extremely profound and insightful response. She said "I
believe God is deeply saddened by this, just as we are, but for years we've
been telling God to get out of our schools, to get out of our government and
to get out of our lives.

And being the gentleman He is, I believe He has calmly backed out. How can
we expect God to give us His blessing and His protection if we demand He
leave us alone?"

In light of recent events...terrorists attack, school shootings, etc. I
think it started when Madeleine Murray O'Hare (she was murdered, her body
found recently) complained she didn't want prayer in our schools, and we
said OK.

Then someone said you better not read the Bible in school ... the Bible says
thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not steal, and love your neighbor as
yourself. And we said OK.

Then Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't spank our children when they
misbehave because their little personalities would be warped and we might
damage their self-esteem (Dr. Spock's son committed suicide). We said an
expert should know what he's talking about. And we said OK.

Then someone said teachers and principals better not discipline our children
when they misbehave. The school administrators said no faculty member in
this school better touch a student when they misbehave because we don't want
any bad publicity, and we surely don't want to be sued (there's a big
difference between disciplining, touching, beating, smacking, humiliating,
kicking, etc.). And we said OK.

Then someone said, let's let our daughters have abortions if they want, and
they won't even have to tell their parents. And we said OK.

Then some wise school board member said, since boys will be boys and they're
going to do it anyway, let's give our sons all the condoms they want so they
can have all the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their parents
they got them at school. And we said OK.

Then some of our top elected officials said it doesn't matter what we do in
private as long as we do our jobs. Agreeing with them, we said it doesn't
matter to me what anyone, including the President, does in private as long
as I have a job and the economy is good.

Then someone said let's print magazines with pictures of nude women and call
it wholesome, down-to-earth appreciation for the beauty of the female body.
And we said OK.

And then someone else took that appreciation a step further and published
pictures of nude children and then further again by making them available on
the Internet. And we said OK, they're entitled to free speech.

Then the entertainment industry said, let's make TV shows and movies that
promote profanity, violence, and illicit sex. Let's record music that
encourages rape, drugs, murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said
it's just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, nobody takes it seriously
anyway, so go right ahead.

Now we're asking ourselves why our children have no conscience, why they
don't know right from wrong, and why it doesn't bother them to kill
strangers, their classmates, and themselves.

Probably, if we think about it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I
think it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."

Funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the
world's going to hell. Funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but
question what the Bible says.

Funny how you can send 'jokes' through e-mail and they spread like wildfire
but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice
about sharing.

Funny how lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene articles pass freely through
cyberspace, but public discussion of God is suppressed in the school and
workplace.

Are you laughing?

Funny how when you forward this message, you will not send it to many on
your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they
WILL think of you for sending it. Funny how we can be more worried about
what other people think of us than what God thinks of us.

Pass it on if you think it has merit. If not then just discard it... no one
will know you did. But, if you discard this thought process, don't sit back
and complain about what bad shape the world is in!

today is blah...

So the artist wants to see his painting. hmmm i don't havea picture on me right now.but to answer you this. am I a reverse paradox or very interesting?
very interesting is open to interpretation, we each view the same work of art differently, some may see a dull and lifeless basket of fruit while other's a starry night...

a paradox reversed, something out of it's time brought back into it's reality, what is this truth you seek? One exhibiting inexplicable or contradictory aspects such as: “The silence of midnight, to speak truly, though apparently a paradox, rung in my ears” (Mary Shelley). An assertion that is essentially self-contradictory, though based on a valid deduction from acceptable premises. The reversal of such would mean that the assertation is complimentary, based on invalid deductions from unacceptable premises...

I am who I am and I am not who I am, nor am I who I was, yet I don't know what moment will bring the next installment of me. So I simply am and I am not.

Who are you?
what makes you, you?
what do you do?
where do you like to go?

I write, I draw ( if you can call it that ) and sometimes I paint. I also like to get out in the world and get a little muddy now and then, or sit in front of the computer for hours. most of the time you'll find me at a local coffee shop...

Sometimes I'm way too serious and others completely opposite...

what next?

So what is art to you?
art... is nothing. its capturing a moment in the way you see it. as abstract as that probably makes you
art is also everything, everything that happens in the mind and the world around us... art is beauty and tragedy and all that lies within and without.
As for me being abstract, I like the sound of that...

Question: If you are driving a car at the speed of light and you turn on your headlights...do they do anything?

"Enjoy life. There's plenty of time to be dead."

Caffeine is a beautiful thing, don't ya think? I know I do and as I say this I have a can of Red Bull chilled to just the right temperature at my hands. I can't wait to feel it's mental boosting enthusiasm reach deep into me. aww sweet caffeine...Yesterday it was the new Mountain Dew drink which went down real smooth, but I didn't feel the effects. most nights it's Iced Tea from Starbucks, and after about 6 cups of that, I'm a deadly opponent at chess. It seems I exist in a perpetual mental state of calm and I need something to get my faculties jumping, this unfortunately has the side effect of causing me to lose a lot of sleep, however, I counteract this with more caffeine and then I sleep all weekend long, unless I have something to do, which is almost always. So I wind up burning the candle at both ends and in the middle...but I can't stop I have so much to do and so many obligations to attend to and so little time to do it all in... but don't worry about me, I have my good friend caffeine here with me and I can sleep when I'm dead...right now I don't have time for that...

TheFriday Five on Tuesday?! What's the world coming to?

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?
- travel the world
2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?
- hell yeah!
3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?
- yes, it was awkward at first, but then we learned that we were still the same people.
4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?
- wow, this is a tough one, it would have to be something medieval
5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted?
- this one is tough as well, there are so many choices that can be made, I'll have to think on this and repost later.

and while I'm at it, I might as well do the This-or-That Tuesday

June 17: Reading
1. Newspapers or magazines?
- Magazines
2. Books-on-tape or regular books?
- regular books
3. Paperback or hardcover?
both, depends on what's available...
4. Fiction or non-fiction?
once again, both
5. Sci-Fi/Fantasy or romance novels?
Sci-Fi/Fantasy
6. Borrow from library or buy books (either new or used)?
buy, both new and used
7. Subscribe to magazines or buy on newsstand?
buy on the newstand
8. Current best-sellers or classic literature?
both
9. Read books once, or re-read favorites every so often?
re-read like crazy
10. Here in the U.S., we have two hot best-sellers...former First Lady Hillary Clinton's memoirs, and the new Harry Potter book (coming out June 21). If you had to read one, which one...Hillary or Harry? Why?
neither

I steadfastly maintain (as I always have) that North American government is a commerciocracy, a term I use to denote governments who cater exclusively to big business or lobby and mold their legislative agenda to suit it. It is 'government by corporation' as opposed to the ideal of "government by the people for the people". Even the opposition parties, such as the so called liberal party, are studying the Machiavellian handbook in terms of how they jockey for political popularity through the use of misquoted statistics, bold-faced libel and voluminous financial support from powerful right wing religious and social lobby groups.It's too bad that the back-room gerrymandering and palm-scratching is commonplace in other countries as well, we'd be able to get a lot more done if we all worked toward a common goal. Too bad people always think in the "I" mode and not in the "We". I hope that, as word of these scandals and misdeeds is intensified, the average Joe and Josephine reads more between the lines and educates themselves on how to promote a proper government, "by the people, for the people."

We came together to form a more perfect union as a people, so that all persons could live together in peace and prosperity, with the pursuit of happiness foremost in our openminded culture... what went wrong?

"I realize that patriotism is not enough. I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone."
-Edith Cavell, Last words, October 12, 1915

"Needles in skin"

Stabbing safety pins
through thin muscle tissue
watching the bubble and pop
of old blisters
with a certain grim fascination
an obession with recession
He's waiting for my speech
standing up there with a hole for a tongue
blood dripping on the microphone
eyes gouged out and fed to the dogs
Nails in my feet
Keeping me in place
atrophy room
sagging slack bronze
flying awol over a desert not his own
a flaccid office
impotently important
venting his frustration on the people of the east
caught in the middle
crammed between padded polls and public idiocy
hail to the theif


"I see blood, everywhere"

life is a story of perseverance, I highly reccomend it.

"Do not go gentle into that good night."
-Dylan Thomas, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"

new words for your so called vocabulary...

yummmyfrickenliciously

screwbaly

outfrickenstanding

"I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference."
-Robert Frost, Road Not Taken, The

lost in the woods? go find yourself here

Sometimes I feel lost...

"Take this kiss upon the brow! And, in parting from you now,
Thus much let me avow--
You are not wrong who deem
That my days have been a dream;
Yet if hope has flown away
In a night, or in a day,
In a vision, or in none,
Is it therefore the less gone?
All that we see or seem
Is but a dream within a dream."
-Edgar Allan Poe, Dream Within A Dream, A

Poe Rocks the rock! Do you feel that life is a dream and if so are we only living the dream within a dream. What happens when we wake up?

apparantly this is my Horoscope (by Astrocenter.com)

If it were up to you, you would rather stay in bed reading than affront the cold world we live in. Deep inside, however, you know you need to socialize. You feel that you cannot be left out of society. But have you ever thought about finding someone who shares your tastes? You could read in bed with someone else and still have a lot of contacts!

and my Male romancescope (by Astrocenter.com)
Exercise and nutrition programs seem to be paying off for you now. You're feeling better than you have in a long time, and your lover notices and appreciates that! If you've been exercising together, you might notice a definite change for the better in your friend as well. The planetary alignment indicates, however, that this isn't the time to slow down. If anything, intensify your efforts! Remember, good health enhances romance!

whatever all this means is whatever...know what I mean? like it's all well and good for a horoscope to say something like I should find someone who shares my same tastes, but how do you go about that when you keep looking in the same place? I'd love to have someone to share my interests with and there are some whom I am interested in, I just don't move fast, I like to take my time and get to know the person...blah blah blah and a lot of times it comes down to the point where I've taken too much time and the opportunity passes me by or the other person begins to think of me as more of a friend than possible romance material. I'm not upset by any of this I love having more friends to hang with, but every now and then I want just one to hang with...if you understand let me know.

So I've been ripping my brain apart trying to write this paper for class, and I finally have it done, now I only have ten minutes to get to class....woohoo!!

Someone at The Onion thinks they're funny...

"A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him." -Brendan Francis
This is so true, haha

"Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself." -Chinese Proverb

Here's your Door for the Day

Good Morning Houston! it's June 10th, Tuesday and time for another This or That: TV Shows/Movies
1. "The Munsters" or "The Addams Family"?
In my head both shows are blending together, did they ever do a crossover?
2. "The Sopranos" or the "Godfather" movies?
I've only seen a few of the Sopranos, but all of the Godfather series equals qoutable life
3. "The Jetsons" or "Lost in Space"?
I'm lost in space with the jetsons, that Judy ooh she's an interstellar hottie...haha
4. "Superman" or "Batman" (either the TV shows or the movies)?
once again the questions are pitting two classics against each other... errrgh it's so hard to choose just one..
5. "Sex & The City" or "Friends"?
Friends all the way
6. "The Wizard of Oz" or the "Harry Potter" movies?
Both are good stories, though Oz is a classic
7. "The Simpsons" or "King of the Hill"?
The Simpsons have been losing touch, but are still a classic, King of the Hill is good for a few laughs
8. "Grease" or "Saturday Night Fever"?
Grease...
I don't watch a lot of TV lately, I've just got a lot of other things going on with college, work and an active social life...or the near semblance thereof...
9. Old prime-time soaps: "Dallas" or "Dynasty"?
never watched any of these, but I know who shot JR
10. Not very thought-provoking this week...do you prefer TV shows or movies?
It all depends on the stories, sometimes I like them short like a movie or long like a TV series...

For some reason I can only get to the Friday Five's on Monday lately...bear with me...this one's a doozy

1. How many times have you truly been in love?
To be honest I don't know, you see when I'm with someone and I feel that I love them everything is great and wonderful, though there are moments in every relationship that are less than stellar. After being out of the relationship and away from the person for awhile, feelings change and life goes on...
2. What was/is so great about the person you love(d) the most?
I loved the way she laughed, the way we could talk about nothing and everything...it was great
3. What qualities should a significant other have?
the ability to compromise when it counts and good communication skills
4. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
yes, unfortunately I've done a few things that I'm not proud of...
5. If there was one thing you could teach people about love, what would it be?
communication is essential to any relationship, communicate well and often..

Now that all that mess in my head is stirred up, I'm off to class.

It's Monday again and the weekend was excellent, I'd like to extend a warm welcome to reuters news on my list of links. Now I have to go and finish writing my paper for class...later!

woohoo mad plans are made for Tuesday night mayhem! and in other unrelated news I emailed the President and Vice President, and I have an meeting scheduled for Wednesday with the University of Texas Admissions office here in Houston, Texas. just wait and see how far I get this time...

North American public education topic a return

I have to agree with most of the responses I've received - that no real reforms in the educational, or any other major system will be made under the leadership of one president.

One of the many reasons for this is that every president comes in with a new plan and a new idea to approach the problem. Just look at how every President deals with taxes, the national deficit, and other programs. The programs are constantly changing.

Our governnment was set up in such a manner that it usually sits in a state of stagnation. I think this was the intention of the Founding Fathers, as they would have rather had a government that can't act on anything rather than a government that can act to over-power the people.

Additionally, I think that the responsibility of educational systems lies primarily within the states themselves - for they know where the weaknesses are. The downfall here, though, is that we see states like California cutting more and more funding from education and sending it to other programs.

I think a better plan than "No child gets left behind" would be "Teachers are Gods" or something like that. If we start treating teachers with the respect that they inherently deserve, rewarding them for their work monetarily, then we will see a chain of events. Teachers will be more likely to teach in undesireable areas for the money - more teachers will lead to an ability to accept more students - and over time more students will come.

Overall, I don't think that we, as a society, are putting enough moral emphasis on education. This needs to be a group effort and the president will have a hard time getting the majority of the country to back him on any plan.

there are not more than five musical notes, yet the combinations of these five give rise to more melodies than can ever be heard." - sun tzu "the art of war"

in other news here's a recent picture

a return to the topic of collectivism, since most of you who have emailed me want to discuss this.

I think this argument needs to return to the basic principles.

At the most basic level, the way for people to be happy is to do what makes them happy, not others. Making others happy does not guarantee your own happiness.

As is also true in a collective society, the individual should also not harm others, or there will be negative consequences, which will make him/her unhappy.

The main problem with collectivism is that it may not be apparent what is best for society. Many bad things have been done in the name of helping society, and often it may have seemed at the time that the actions would help society.

In an individualistic society, if you do what makes you happy without hurting others, you are automatically helping out yourself, and society as a whole.

Now we can argue back in forth about the corruptions and perversions of the United States, but make no mistake, an individualistic society is the best society to live in.

Remember, just because people in a society decide it is necessary to introduce socialistic aspects into a government does not mean that the society is not individualistic.

Individualism is as much a mind set as it is a form of government.

Please, if you respond to this, bring up examples, respond to the principles and generally keep doing what you've been doing. Thanks!

last night a very enlightening and revealing conversation was had... and now a goal in life changes.

My friend Grace and I had this great conversation about life and the future, what we both want out of everything, it was great. I'm glad to have a friend like her to just bounce ideas off of. My new plan is to pursue both an English and Computer Science degree, thereby gaining me a job that will make money and allow me to pursue my interests in writing. In the future I may attempt to go full time as a writer, but I want to be able to support myself and others.

And for all of you who seem to think that Grace and I are an item, let me just say that she is and will always be a good friend. So quit the muttering...lol.

What comes next you might ask? I'm currently enrolled in Summer courses, taking both Sociology and English 2, my SOC Prof is highly intelligent and has a ton of information to pour into my brain, whereas my Eng2 Prof is also highly intelligent, loves to discuss the topics and just tear through a story and in my opinion is a flamin hottie. Both love their work and are animated in the classroom and I am enjoying this immenseley. speaking of class I have homework so I must let go now, later!

something happened this day... I can't really discuss it on here. Thanks for understanding.

June 3: Animals on This-or-That Tuesday!

1. Cats or dogs? I like options of both
2. Butterflies or birds? I'm for the birds
3. Horses or cows? A horse of course
4. Turtles or snakes? ooh tough one...Turtles, the Teenage Mutant Ninja kind that is
5. Frogs or grasshoppers? Go Kermit Go!!
6. Lions or tigers? Or bears oh my...lol...Tigers
7. Elephants or mice? Depends on the mouse, is it Mickey or that hot little honey Minnie?
8. Porcupines or aardvarks? What?!? how about an aardvark, that dudes tongue must drive the ladies wild
9. Unicorns or dragons? Fear my reign of fire!! For I am the Dragon Reborn!
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: You live in a rather dumpy apartment. A friend offers you a chance to be a roommate at a new place s/he is moving into, but they don't allow pets. You have a pet. Do you find your pet a new home and take the new place, or do you keep your pet and stay put?

This is a tough one as the question really doesn't describe what kind of pet I have, or even if my friend wants to try to find something else. I'd have to withold my answer until I get more clarification.

That's it for the This-or-That Tuesday!

"I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see." - John Burroughs

But the night is filled with everybody it seems... On my way around town last night I happened to look to my left and who did I see? Alicia riding in an SUV next to me.

Also last night, was the first of many of my Summer session courses at UT-Westchase, gotta get that GPA up! Study, Study, Study!!

later all!

Recently, US President George W Bush signed the "No Child Left Behind" Act, a law aimed at improving American public education. This has inspired me to submit for your ponderance the following questions on North American public education:

-Can the legislative will of one presidential administration improve and make more efficient American public education, or is this a task which lies in the hands of several future ones (a mess that has taken a short time to make takes a lot longer to clean up)?

-Which children benefit from this legislation, and which (if any) will get the short end of the stick?

Suffice to say I shall leave it all up to you to come at it with your own opinion.

Personally, I see North American public education (Canada and the US collectively) in a state of crisis. I am seeing some alarming trends in the administration, funding and delivery of public schooling on this continent. The first of these is the notion that schools can be run like corporations, adhering to the corporate rationale that cutting costs improves production and somehow quality. How will students benefit when teaching staff, learning assistance staff and other vital school programs fall victim to the downsizing utopia?

Another perturbing trend is the over-prescription of drugs to kids with learning disabilities, my own brother is a prime example. In many cases, we have people without extensive clinical expertise in the area making this judgment call. These drugs may keep them quiet in class now, but they may also do devastating neurological or social damage later on. Studies have been coming out the last few years citing the dangers of over-prescribing Ritalin and other such medications. Although, when funding is slashed, it may be tempting to latch on to the next inticing quick fix that comes along.

And if these red flags were not enough, the retention of quality teachers is also a facet of the North American public system which lags behind. The salaries of some teachers in the United States are pitiful. For the work they do, they don't even get a sufficient fraction of compensation. Plus, with eliminations on class sizes in some jurisdictions, young teachers are having to contend with upwards of fifty to sixty kids in the course of one day. How can it not be that some children will lose out in the numbers game?

If no children are to be left behind in the most genuine sense, then President Bush and his cabinet of erstwhile advisors had better make sure that his new legislative brainchild anticipates and seeks to nip the above mini-crises among so many others in the bud.

"Only the wisest and stupidest of men never change." - Confucius

How will you change today?

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." - Martin Luther King, Jr.

Check this site Qouteland

existentialism moment

I look at your face and
i hate you and I love you
The crass dimples in your cheeks
As well as the awful beautiful smile

And still, as I look, your mind wanders
Away from me and everything I hold of value
I stare, just for one more...
And I am tired of being second to last

Every truth, every song, every word
proves to me how disastrously ugly I am
To want you, ever, I cannot be
Ever trusted with such a ridiculous detail

From every slime that graced a neglect wall
To a bolt receded within a cloud
Daily I see the rage-ahol that I consume
Internally hollowing out my heartburn

Now, since rage is all I have to give
The Jealous Green already making me sick
Prove to me what a loser i am
And turn me away once more

I will forever see you in my heart, dear love
Even during my withering of my old bones
So I can detach my terrible heart
To feed the fishes of control

It's Friday and where oh where am I? at the local college attempting to register for summer courses, which start on Monday and apparantly everyone else in town is trying to do the same thing, so here I sit in this computer lab freely using their internet while I wait for the line to go down.

All the news about me that's so not fit to print, but I'll put it here anyway...lol.

Recently, my parents van broke down again and yours truly had to go rescue them, I found them blocking traffic right outside the precint 4 building yelling and screaming at each other, then to make matters more jerry springerish, they began to slap at each other, all the while my Dad's on crutches with this huge cast, cars are piled up for miles and there's me in uniform trying to make someone see reason, let's just say that chaos reigns still.

I said something I should not have said to someone very close to me and now that someone isn't speaking to me like they used to, everything changes when you open your heart, be warned people.

Still shopping for a new/used car/truck, getting close to making a purchase, especially now that Uncle Sam is paying me. I'm thinking Truck or small SUV, we'll see how the game is played out.

Last night I spent an enjoyable evening with friends, though with the one previously mentioned I felt relations were strained. Alas it is a loss I will regret, perhaps it can be mended in time, though now it weighs heavily on my mind. I did play several enjoyable games of Skip-Bo while there and later at Denny's with other's that seemed to last long into the morning, then excusing myself I went home and stared for awhile at the ceiling, thinking thoughts I had put aside for awhile.

I have heard rumors that I'm to be released from Active duty status in a 90 day time period, so I need to get cracken on what I'm going to do for cash and how I'm going to occupy my time, whether I will return to Austin to attempt to attend UT again or what? I don't know, I wasn't expecting this and I have what feels like a very short time to prepare for it. life is funny sometimes...very funny.

"When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow."
-Anais Nin, The Diaries of Anaïs Nin

If you have any left, what are your thoughts? What are your own views, not the mindless regurgitation of a societies mass hypnosis. I need to know that there are others out there who think, really think about the choices, actions and consequences they make. Are you blind to the world, do you really know what's going on? Or am I here simply babbling to the world gone beyond mad into that semblance of life. You automaton! Yes You, break free from your chains, set yourself loose from the machine. Alas this is all beginning to sound very matrixesque so I'm going to end this transmission with a simple request...wake up.

I have returned unto this my blog. This past week and a half that I've been gone has been filled with challenges that have been met and conquered. prepare to face my newly charged mentality.

"Beware the fury of a patient man." - John Dryden

I'm patient...

This or That Tuesday May 27 2003: Personal Habits, Quirks, Routines, etc.
1. Do you prefer silence or do you like background sound (music, TV, etc)?
- music forms the background to my life, but there are times that silence is pure and sweet
2. Bathe/shower in morning or evening?
- shower, in the morning is preferred.
3. Sleeping in complete darkness, or with a nightlight on?
- complete and total darkness, though a little light doesn't bother me, I also prefer it cool.
4. Lay out clothes the night before, or just grab what's closest in the morning?
- both, lately there hasn't been much of a choice, it's my off work wear that takes time
5. Hang up/fold clothes neatly, or just toss them wherever?
- toss em or hang em depending on how I feel
6. Work out at a gym, or at home on your own (or do you not bother with exercise)?
- we have a gym here at work, home I've got my bike and other things to keep me busy
7. Talk on the phone, or via IM/e-mail?
- I always have my cel with me, though when I'm online it's AIM or email
8. Are you usually on time, or late?
- I think I have the family ability to be at least 10 minutes late
9. Spendthrift or frugal?
- frugal lately, though cashflow tends to be the main factor.
10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: You work with someone who is not in the habit of bathing regularly. The smell seems to be getting worse and worse! Would you: 1. try to do something about it, or 2. try to grin and bear it? If you said 1, what would you do?
- I'd give them a bar of soap and tell them to go home for the day and not to come back till clean.

"I believe -- anything that can love has a soul. Have you ever felt love?"
"I've learned -- that it's dangerous to love. It can drive you crazy."

"Then perhaps -- that's what tears are for."

- Andromeda "The Mathematics of Tears"

I love qoutes, little pieces of everyday wisdom and insight that have the ability to encompass an entire thought. what does the above qoute mean to you? what does it mean to me? I believe I have a soul, though it is locked away at times deep inside, I believe I have the capacity to love, but due to my own dysfunctional upbringing and the many failed relationships I've been in ( I say failed due to the fact that I am no longer with said person in the relationship) I believe I have the capacity to love, but that I have been scarred to the point where I don't recognize or even know what love is. Have I ever felt love? I'd like to believe so, to have known it just once would be a godsend. I do know that it is dangerous to love, you open yourself completely holding your arms wide fearing nothing for you are truly free and that is to be forever crazy. Sometimes love is unrequited, meaning not returned and that's ok as long as you keep control over your emotions, over who you are and can remain impartial. Yet there are times that try everyone's soul and emotions can run out of control and you try to hold them so tight inside to try to keep yourself together... perhaps then that is what tears are for, to help get everything out and cleanse the soul of the pain. perhaps...when was the last time you cried?

So I wrote a ton of stuff here for a really long Friday post, but I accidently tried to edit another post and lost everything I wrote. apparantly I'm not thinking too well right now, what's up with that?

Anyway here's the meat of it before I go:

My Dad's doing well from his eye surgery this past week, however; he's going in for his Pre-op for his foot surgery on Monday of next week. The same day I'm leaving to head to the field with the troops for a week long seriously intense training session. Your's truly is giving the class on explosive ordinance, much fun will be had, can I get a BOOM! Also previously this week, yesterday in fact I had my HUMVEE / Duce and a half Driver's recertification program, HOOAH! Let's just say that I got baked a nice rosey red doing donuts in the HUMVEE and no one, I repeat NO ONE can drive that machine better than me. I've got the certificate and a freaked out instructor to prove it. Anyway it's the weekend, friends from Austin will be down and we'll be hangin...out that is...I hear there is a movie or two playing that I might just go see or maybe we'll wind up trashing and bashing the city of Houston before I have to leave early monday morning. I should be back in about a week or two, who knows. maybe longer. Memorial day weekend is coming up and I have a four day weekend just waiting to be exploited. Have a great one all, I'm gone!

oh, by the way opportunity abounds for all of you not wanting to go to college and actually earn something real... sarcasm intended

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To quote Led Zepplin, “Its been a long time…”

And, like the Zep , I am still rockin….It’s just in a comfy chair, not on top of a speaker.

What do you believe in? What's the most important thing in your life right now? Have you ever taken an inward look inside yourself to figure out who you are and what you stand for? As Socrates said all those years ago, "Know thy self". Don't be a sheep that just follows the herd, know what you stand for and take a stand. As for me I believe in...

Yesterday my Dad went in for surgery, I was lucky enough to be able to see him before he went in. He was kind of groggy, but he knew I was there. I've been in enough Hospitals and under the knife so many times that I've become comfortable with everything and I don't have a problem with hospitals or with surgery, but I still find it very hard to see someone I care about in the same situation. I was glad that I was there for my Dad when he was about to go in himself, it's something he has needed to do to help himself out for the future.

Follow up:
My Dad's surgery apparantly went well, I got to see him last night. He wasn't in pain, his face was all bandaged up, but he was doing well. He's going in for a follow-up this morning to see how everything really went. Next week Dad goes in for foot surgery and sometime later he's going to have hip surgery...man this is rough. More will more than likely follow later.

Thanks for listening me babble...

Another Monday begun in earnest, I wish I could say that I awoke to the dawning, but I was up well before dawn ever showed in the sky, the skies above me were a dark murky grey, thanks to the fires down in old Mexico. Thank you Mexico for giving me daily headaches.

Yesterday was Mother's Day, did you wish your mother a Happy Mother's day? I did and woah did it backfire on me... lol, Mom has a sort of green thumb thing going, so me being the loving son that I am I bought my Mom some orchids preplanted, loah did I know that this would precipitate a trip to Home Depot to purchase a book on Orchids, special orchid food, orchid potting soil, a larger pot for the orchids and some more potting soil for the other plants my Mom has. This brought me well up to the additional costs of Mother's day to around 150, not to include the other flowers, cards, breakfast, lunch, dinner and other miscellaneous items... ah..I love me Ma! Me Ma! ah think I'll buy her a caravan, perrywinkle blue...cause it's for me ma! so it was well worth it..

more to follow later ;o)

and now it is later and this is what followed, Mother's Day was great despite the usual antics. If I didn't see you on Mother's day I did try to call, or if your reading this now then Happy Mother's Day Thank you for all your hard work and effort.

In other news my father is going in for eye surgery tomorrow, this will put him out of commission for awhile. I don't like the idea of my Dad going under the knife and I can't really express my feelings on that subject right now so I'm going to end this post. Have a great day all!

Home, sweet friggin home, or at least 200 miles from home is still closer than I have been in a long time. Ah Houston, with it's smog and hundreds of miles of concrete and asphalt, how I missed thee, not really. I got in from KC last night and despite some mishaps at the airport, a stop at Zio's Restraunt with a buddy of mine and his family, to include his wife and their two sons Andrew and Patrick, Wherein I proceeded to warp the minds of the youth of America ( one of my favorite pastimes) The boys were great, soaked it up like a sponge and by the end of the night they were calling me their new best friend, what a deal. Eventually I wound up at Starbucks where I ran into Nicki, Jill and Steve, hung out there for a bit before my ride showed up and I went to my parents home here in North Houston. All in all a good night and an excellent trip, I began to unpack my gear and somewhere in the middle of it all I passed out on the floor only waking to the sound of the telephone ringing at about 4 am , time to get up and go to work.

In other News/Thoughts: Happy Cinco De Mayo! Like we need another excuse to have a party?

Which society do you believe functions in the best interests of everyone?
---------------------
A society based on individualism (with a basic set of ground rules) or A society based on a collective group of beings, like many older civilizations (and if you want to use the example, aliens)?
This could be considered a trick question, depending on your perspective on the question. From my persective, this question could relate to capitolism vs. socialism. Capitolism is a system for the individual, holding the individual wo/man as the highest being in the system. Thus, we compete and grow, but we don't work for others, we work for ourselves. In true capitolism one would never hurt others, as this would damage the person's resources. If you kill the baker you won't have any bread tomorrow.

Socialism is based on the principle of the greatest good for the majority (all of these are various Social Contract concepts), thus all of the people are working for the good of the system and the social group as a whole.

The system based on the individual is easily the best one (or maybe I'm just a brainwashed American). We can look at systems that are group-based and see that they look like a scene from 1920's America. They use archaic machinery and there is little happiness.

The individual likes no thing more than him/herself. Thus, we, as individuals, are always going to work for things that benefit ourselves. We will compete and advance society. As in any social contract, there are groudn rules - prohibiting murder and whatnot- so we can get along in our ego-driven lives. Thus, working for the small developes the whole; working for the whole just makes us miserable.

----------------------------------

Still in KC, bout to head back to Houston in a few hours, this mission rocked the rock! field exercises and everything was up and hot, the skies here at night was wide open for what seemed like hundreds of miles, the stars were clear and bright and I just laid back on a hilltop and stared forever... ah sweet bliss. Now I have to go catch a plane and head home, where I'll end up after that, who knows!

So it's Thursday night and I'm in Kansas City, Kansas posting live to you from the road. A few days ago I left Houston, Texas and while in the airport was practically violated, had 5 things of mine confiscated by TSA and almost missed my flight, I was in Tulsa, Oklahoma and my brief stay there was uneventful at best, perhaps the most exciting thing was sharing the back 6 seats of a plane with a couple of attractive flight attendants, even though all that occurred was casual conversation, still it was an envious position to be in. Having arrived in Kansas City, Missouri I quickly grabbed the rental car, a nifty Dodge intrepid ( it's silver )and lead footed it over to the Kansas side of the city as fast as I could, Seeing as how I have business interests just to the north of the city. now I'm sitting here in the living room of my suite at the beautiful former prison administration offices that are now affectionately called the Riverside Apartments, building 427 here at lovely Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. I can't really explain what my job is here, but it's a doozy, very high profile. The Thunderstorms have been exceptionally show stopping, and the scenery/greenery around here is a welcome change from the local shrubbery around North Houston. Being near the river reminds me a lot of Austin and that brings back other memories. Yet I digress, The little town of leavenworth just outside of the Fort boasts a beautiful Downtown, including the High Noon Saloon/Brewery where I've been taking most of my meals in the evenings. It's an excellent restraunt and I reccomend it to everyone who might come here.

In other news there is a chapter of Team Army Cycling here that I'm involved with and while I haven't yet been able to contact any of the people here, I have seen them racing around post, it seems to me this post was designed for cycling. Regretfully my bike is still in storage in Spring, Texas. Due to my activation and work schedule I don't get enough time to ride anymore. Lately I've just been burnt out on everything. I meant it in my earlier posts that caffeine was the only thing keeping me alive.

where will I end up next? perhaps Houston by the fourth of May, in the evening sometime. I currently have no plans except work for Cinco De Mayo, but it could be arranged. Here's a reminder: 11 MAY 2003 equals Mother's Day. Plan accordingly.

I'm currently finishing off a half-gallon of Helfelweisen a German beer imported and sold at the High Noon Saloon, apparantly you can purchase a 64oz. bottle to go, what a restraunt. Tonights special was all you can eat ribs for 11.99 and a few plates later I was ready to proclaim these "The best ribs outside of the state of Texas." So tonight I sit here after having worked to the point of exhaustion for the past few days and I write to you oh reader of mine, to let you know what's going on in my fevered mind. FYI: I have been able to post over at Alicia's in her comments so feel free to peruse and make your own. To end I shall wish you all a goodnight and whatever makes you happy.

Time for the Friday Five

1. What was the last TV show you watched?
T.V.? as if I have time for that. more than likely it was CNN
2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem?
I ordered some equipment from Altex Computers and they sent me the wrong items, so I sent them back and asked for the right stuff, they then wanted to charge me more for them, I wrestled with them and won, got some great gear for a steal.
3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say?
My good buddy Douglas and Angela, They kick ass, went above and beyond to help me get my gear
4. What was the last thing you threw away?
a plastic spoon, I was mixing a dang fine cup of joe, which I am now drinking...mmmm caffeine
5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited?
CollegeClub.com gotta check my email

And that's the end of another Friday Five, Today was a little better than most, though I'm still burnt out from the week and looking forward to the weekend, My good buddy Dave and Nicki are coming into town from Austin and were going to hang. So no more posting from me till next week. Have a great weekend all!!

These past few days have been burning me like wildfire, a proverbial candle at both ends, I exist in a state of perpetual caffeination (sp?). If I don't get some sleep soon I'm going to crash and hard, but I can't stop, got too much to do. Big mission coming up, heading down range for a few. There's lot's riding on my performance and I'm feeling the pain. These are the times that build a man's character they say. There's massive construction coming my way. gotta run, but I'll keep ya posted.

This-or-That Tuesday

What Is...

1. Yummier: Chocolate ice cream or strawberry cheesecake?
definitely strawberry cheesecake
2. Better to watch on TV: Movies or sports?
Movies
3. A better web browser: MSIE or Netscape (or tell us your own favorite!)
MSIE
4. A better way to travel: Automobile or bus/train?
Depends on where I'm going
5. Your preferred camera: Digital or film?
Film, there's nothing like the feel of a photo in your hand
6. A Cooler Vehicle: Motorcycle or sports car?
Truck or Jeep
7. More fun: Video games or board games?
Halo on my Xbox, but there's nothing like the competitive edge of Chess or Risk
8. Sexier: A perfect body or an intelligent mind?
intelligence will always win in the end
9. A stinkier smell: Skunk or gasoline (petrol)?
I think skunks are quite nice.
10. Thought-provoking question of the week: What is more important to you: making a ton of money and being at the top of your field, or finding your soulmate and living a comfortable but not wealthy life?
I used to want to be rich and famous, but things in my life happened and my eyes opened to reality, now all I want to be is happy. If along the way I find my soulmate then that's all well and good.

Goodmorning, it's Monday and I have nothing more to add right now.

- update -
Today was rough beginning at 4 am and continuing nonstop throughout the bulk of the day, tons of things happening all at once, I was pulled in multiple different directions at work, but I handled it. I had to defend one of the soldiers in my squad, who's a knucklehead yet didn't deserve what was happening. It's hard to tell a soldier he's wrong, especially when that soldier's also two ranks higher than you and your platoon seargent. Let's just say that Monday was a rough day. I got home yet didn't want to stay, so I left and went to starbucks, didn't feel like staying there either. For some reason I was both tired and restless, wound up driving all over. landed at Bookstop where I proceeded to buy almost every other book I saw, at least it seemed so to me, lol. Went back to Starbucks a few hours later, but ran into my buddy mike along the way, we decided to hang out for awhile, went to kroger's bought some more stuff I didn't need, went to the gym, back to starbucks where we hung out for awhile, then helped close up. I needed to get home so I left as soon as possible. Arriving home I had to prepare for duty the next day, so I spent the next few hours Ironing my uniform and polishing my boots and didn't get back to bed till 1 in the morning and up again at 4 am to start all over again. I'll reiterate that caffeine is the only thing keeping me alive...

I wrote this yesterday while at starbucks, let me know what you think.

Trapped in a dream
Spiraling down a staircase
Of mentally streaming photographs
Stretched mind out into infinite existence
Frozen outcast lost
Standing tall in the crowd
Sensing danger
Terror drops
This state of mind
Dwelling in private tortures
Walking in circles
We walk away
Only to arrive where we began
What if I want to fly I cry
Like never before
This life as a shadow blooms
Passes into darkness petals
Falling
Upon the waters edge
In the desert
Of my loneliness
Holding a moment
Cupped in the palm of my hand
an angel births wings
spreads high in flight
departing with sweetness sorrowed
ambitions are ambiguous
ashes fall like tears from the heavens
innocence is burning
candy and poison are one and the same
forcing fragility in this life
weakness enters the mind
through it the body is afflicted
labeled fragile
caught in the moons embrace
In the way of silence
I am inhabited by a cry
Oh beloved silence
This madness
Memories like ghosts appear
Reflecting mythology in this white room
Reluctantly the sun also rises
Awakening in the garden of truth
The first time under a sheet
Trapped inside
Where I belong
In my dream

Last night I got in my car and everything was feeling good, I just wanted to keep driving and driving. I don’t know why or how, but I drove to places I rarely visit anymore and remembered things I thought I had buried, that I thought I had forgotten. Life is funny sometimes, it throws you curves when you least expect and even when you expect it. Life tends to hit you broadside like a Mac Truck on steroids flying downhill with no brakes and other times, life flows smoothly like a stream, shadowed only slightly by dappled sunlight.

Was yesterday such a day as a Mack Truck? No, the day was a good day and this night, this wondrous full moon filled night. I had a great dinner that followed a day jam packed full of activity. I spent the evening with friends both new and old discovering insights into both myself and them while enjoying a cup of my favorite blend of mint tea and honey at my home away from home, starbucks. The discussions turned from the future to the past, to wants and needs, base desires and dislikes. I questioned my own beliefs on a few topics and did not find myself wavering.

Pleasantly unexpected I received a phone call from someone that I thought I had lost touch with, but who remained constantly close to me in my mind. Things were said, while others went unsaid, some brought sadness, but hope shines eternal others were happy as is wont to happen. implied possibilities for the future contact and the regaining of a friendship imperiled by multiple constructs of the aforementioned mind. What will come of this conversation? Positives are my only hope for endeavors hereto come someday.

Where am I now that I can write to you in such a manner, I’m centered and at what seems peace, if only for the moment, chaos reigns with the dawns early light which is when I’ll get a chance to post this…perhaps. We’ll see with the dawn what arises.

So to end this semi lengthy post, I shall end with this request, soak up the dappled sunlight and wander by a stream, if not for your own sake, then for mine. These are the days which shall shine brightest for our young souls, but with brightest light comes deepest dark and too often we find ourselves giving pause in the shadows, lingering in the places not warmed by the sun. Soon enough our tale will be told ended and gone, then others shall walk by the stream, but for now, please enjoy the sliver of sky between the branches.

can the effect come before the cause?

A former undergraduate professor of mine who happens to have a side interest in physics once referred to a study that he had read of which concerned particle acceleration or something along those lines.

According to the study, the physicists (taking notes using a human temporal scale) recorded that the particles apparently reacted before the presumed physical causal factor of that reaction was introduced during the procedure. In other words the physical effect was observed before its assumed causal determinant was presented or included; it happened sooner than it should have on a human scale of time perception. Now if we boldly translate findings from the world of experimental physics to general human logic, is it not possible that an effect can precede or occur prior to the action of a causal force? Is it necessarily true that the chicken came before the egg? Maybe there have been times when you've witnessed a human or physical event and you have gotten the odd feeling that the results happened so quickly that you couldn't even tell what if anything lead up to it. I would like to hear your insights on this.

pardon the notion of peculiar motion
so cold that my veins are frozen
hittin you in the brain wit this lyrical potion
potent and full of emotion

solidarity and a search for my own personal security
have landed me back sitting with stability

pardon me if I was or am in ordinately not for you but them
give me time and I want to recommend
perhaps one day you might become you and not them,
just their friend

where does conscious acknowledgement begin?
somewhere in retrospective of all those that sin

pierce your heart with this lyrical retort
siphon love and give you an accurate report
what is left is all that exist from the resort
of giving myself and loving me for it

"We are what we repeatdly do; excellence then is not an act, but a condition of the mind." -Aristole-

Just like Eve-- "Concentrate on reality and believe what you want you can acheive even if you gotta leave you'll still belong to all of us just like Eve"

Is it arrogant to feel the pressure of an apologetic nature eating away at my soul telling me I made a mistake and urging me to tell you I am sorry for leaving and that my feeble attempts at return are run into the ground. Or is that the very fabric, the very fiber that must reworn to bring the remedied in our so discriminately destroyed existence. perhaps arrogance is a turn off, a turn away but enemies, devils they will be at my heels even if I don't join the show. In any way as I wait and fail to perform I am only putting myself at risk to fail the next time due to improper preparion of self. so to the BATMobile I will go and hate the dark night but still stay steady in my return to flight.

"Plain Thoughts And Common Sense"

As also is this too; while I await the great existence(and) I am seen as always it would seem in the eye of distant seeker of all that hidden knowledge that I speak

closer still look thee this I urge you upon your mind this idea I submerge you

deep within the blue-green earth of spaces unseen a season of creation attempts are in my mind

Are these the ideals perhaps the questions even if they may be solutions or just ways to defeat the execution of the misunderstandings and truth that I see to it receive their deserved life.

and it was my choice to make this decision

but...wait...look...

there...

words in a rhyming fashion no less but still chopped full of compassion

…defeat stress

Search right down to the last part of life that you know of to exist and realize that the meaning of all this…

It is deeper even than the ocean that sunk the Titanic but you, you will not fail nor drown I'll show you how to manage
panic cannot be surrounded by hate or cultivated by its destruction or have violence followed by no repentance

instead choose life in the midst of darkness
and you will begin your final process

putting together your own personal congress

make the laws but don't forget to abide by them
choose not to lie to yourself and hide behind them

but bring out the truth use it in your everyday life
enough thinking you know what's right
but what do you choose?

"Of judgemnt is destruction, Of security is determantion"
proverbs 19:11

Tuesday, Hot and Spicy... mmmm..good.

Recently, I learned that I was refferred to as a "nuiscance" via Alicia's Weblog but that was only because I had spent an enjoyable evening with her and her good friend Whitney, when in fact I was mistaken, I was actually refferred to as a "lame interruption" lol. Apparantly. at least according to Alicia, I am not nor have I ever been a nuisance, or a lame interruption. The persons referenced were not myself. regardless I believed I had a valid point and enjoyed keeping it up. Though Alicia did apologize for the mistake and I appreciated that.

Back to today, Tuesday, I woke up late for duty, called in and then hauled my late !@#$ in as fast as possible and have been running around like a chicken with my head cut off all day. There is so much to do around here it isn't funny, though I went for lunch today and had some extremely spicy food and that's going to keep me going at least the rest of the day. Tonight I will be at my favorite coffee shop, Alas this war is getting to me and I need to take a break, before I get sent down range again. Uncle Sam needs to be more forthcoming with the greenbacks, this working for free sucks, especially when I'm looking to buy a car. By the way let's take a quick poll: What kind of car/truck/suv do you see me in? I have my own ideas, but I'm interested in hearing yours.

In other news my friends at Bad Samaritan finally updated their site... go and read the word.

Plans are being made for Friday, details will be forthcoming.

Monday, Monday... The weekend was excellent, so much so that details of certain actions and reactions will be withheld to protect the not so innocent, namely me. haha.

"Everything you can imagine is real" - Pablo Picasso. Did you ever stop to think, and then forget to start again? what to put here? hmm... how about the fact that probably nobody, including myself, has any idea of what's going to come out of my mouth next, or what I'm going to type next let alone, do in public.

life is about living, hence the reason it's called life. "Life's a journey, not a destination, and I just can't tell just what tomorrow brings." -Steven Tyler

"I think we all go through heaven and hell every day, just accept that. To feel is to live. Life is made up of feeling all sorts of things. Every day's the same: there's some heaven and some hell. There's no complete joyful day.

There's better days, worse days, and I think every day contains both. It's like the Yin and the Yang or whatever you want to call it. It's both." - John Lennon.

what do you think? I'd like to know.

Friday, another week burnt out of existence. where have you been? There and back again. The remnants of this week are filled with the scents of caffeine, boot polish and sweat. the sights are many with a green, black and brown patterned splashed by sunspots. The temperature is rising, though the nights remain cool and windy. I'm reminded of Austin,

Of all I've left behind in the pursuit of duty. I have regrets and longings of which I will not take up your time and go into. I do miss the sun scattered patterns of a certain creek, where I could lay with friendly company in the water and forget the day away. I miss those crowded student filled streets, coffee houses and easy access books. swimming in Barton Springs. Riding the bike trails, breathing in that clean, dry hill-country air. The future seemed impossibly reachable there. I miss Austin fiercely.

Yet I digress, where have I been, Classified, that's where I've been. Though some of you see me around, here mostly. I'm thankful for internet cafe's, USO's and coffee houses. A little piece of home on the road. I believe If I did own stock in Starbucks, I would be able to fund my own empire based on the amount of caffeine I myself have consumed.

Caffeine, that wonderful stimulant. This brown, crushed, boiled bean is the only thing that's keeping me alive. I barely eat, sleep isn't an option, overworked, overstressed. I'm burning from the inside out, a bright blaze fueled only by this little bean turned liquid into so many wondrous forms, whether it's tea, coffee, hot chocolate or some frozen caffeine concoction, though lately it's been in the straight black variety, sometimes with a little sugar and cream. I like my coffee like I like my women: Hot, light, sweet, with a bitter aftertaste that lingers in my mouth... yes, Caffeine is a wonderful stimulant, though it's a harsh mistress... it gives you what you want and deserts you in your time of greatest need, making you hunger for it even more. I spend what little free time I have in an almost catatonic state when it leaves me. oh damn, my cup's empty again. Time to brew another pot... until next cup.

I'm not one to get angry, to raise my voice in frustration, I hold myself in check constantly attempting to retain a calm in the storm I feel inside. Though these times are trying and vaguely I'm attempting to describe what I cannot, but it doesn't seem to be working. Do you understand what I'm trying to say? I'm a good guy at heart though as all of us are I'm woefully unprepared, despite my preparations, to conduct business in this life. growing up I had excellent educational opportunities in my scholastic endeavors, the boy scouts, athletics, and life experiences. In thinking on this subject I must take some time, perhaps I am more prepared than I think I am. I shall think on this. I know that once I make a friend, I make a friend for life, almost regardless of how you feel towards me. See, the truth is, you could slit my throat and with one last gasping breath i'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt.

To begin again where I paused for a moment, this life is precious we only have a short time to explore the world in earnest, so explore I say. begin your beginning today, right now this very moment.

Today has been rough, I've had to deal harshly with fellow co-workers, subordinates, but I had to do it. I was left with no choice in the matter. now I have this sick feeling in my stomach, I dislike being mean, it makes me physically ill, but that doesn't mean I won't do it when the the time comes and I have.

When a job needs to be done, you should do it right then and not wait.

"How monotonously alike all the great tyrants and conquerors have been:how gloriously different the saints." -- C.S. Lewis

Am I to be the Tyrant? I'm not a Saint, this is well known, I simply try to do the best I can and yet they fail again and again to understand. The rules and regulations are pre-set there is nothing to question, but they fail me time and again so the Tyrant may come to the fore and business will be handled.

My generation is dying. Growing old in the days of the world, we are lacking in identity, in face, in personality. who are we these few who are unprepared for the world? Shall I ponder this event, this lack of responsibility from our forebears to guide us into capability or shall I not dwell on the past. Shall I use it to illustrate a point, then leave it behind. Nothing really matters except what you do now in this instant of time. From this moment onwards you can be an entirely different person. I remember you, do you remember me?

This isn’t the beginning, yet this is the beginning of this moment, this day in time this is where today’s story begins…

This morning I awoke in darkness, pure, still darkness. Soon, too soon the dawning awareness came and I arose to greet the day. In silence did I move to that end’s beginning. This day among days…
Prepared, I set forth to the call of duty, traveling concrete pathways on rubber and steel. Journeying to duties point with a swiftness.
Now, I stand my ground, man my post. The call of duty has been answered and I have arrived…

This isn’t the beginning, yet this is the beginning of this moment, this day in time this is where today’s story begins…

A man arrived at a point in time, this point in time. A whirlwind of activities ensues. a choice demands to be made. Plans are set in motion, activities occur and a choice demands to be made.
Yet, what is this choice? What is the demand? Where will we go from here? Where will we as a people go? More to the point where will I go? Information has been received, enlightenment has been found, plans need to be made and executed. Education is the goal. This tale shall abate for awhile, sustenance for body and soul is required, stand fast, don’t touch that dial, this story shall continue after a short while.

This isn’t the beginning, yet this is the beginning of this moment, this day in time this is where today’s story begins…

Until then…

This is poetry, this is real, I am real, this is my story and it is real, though at times it is intermittent. A fragmented reality exploding softly upon this existence, my life exposed. shared for all to view with eyes unshadowed by the mists of propaganda. I am who I am, though I am changing who I am yet remaining the same. This life is as simple as it is complex. I face hardships now that I have never had to face before, though I am lucky to have friends to help carry me through. to all of you who know and read this I say simply "Thank you" for everything.

These past few weeks, have brought me more questions and few answers... I have so much that I want to know and too much time to think about things in my life that have gone both well and wrong. Mostly I dwell on the wrongs instead of the rights, but that is human nature and I accept that. I wonder who really reads this blog if anyone reads it at all.

my life, shared with those around me, my family is thankfully doing better, but has a long way to go. My friends, those staunch allies and supporters, They are there for me as I am for them. There is so much to say on them that I would be sitting here for days continuosly typing. As for the woman in my life, Alas currently there isn't one, though I have possibilities I haven't taken advantage of them. I tend to screw up relationships. I'm not sure why, perhaps I've been hurt too much in the past and so I habitually sabotage my relationship, ruining both a great relationship and a friendship. Now I hesitate to make that next step. So I don't and I miss out.

Any advice for this weary warrior?

Happy belated St. Patrick's Day everyone, I of course am still dressed in green, and black and brown. The active duty life has been good to me, I've got a full time job with full time pay and benefits. I have the opportunity to travel all over. I recently purchased a brand new laptop from Toshiba that's more like a portable desktop.

It's been an exciting month with lots of changes both physically and mentally. If you're still out there reading this send me some mail to let me know what's up with you. I can't explain the where or what I'm doing, but I'll try to update as much as I can, when I can. Thanks everyone for everything.

I'm leaving in a few minutes, just a few more things to pack, this computer I'm saving for last. In a few hours I'll be gone and in a few days I'll be in the middle of conflict, I'm going to war, what wil happen I don't know. what I do know is that I will miss you all greatly, Goodbye my friends, Goodbye Austin, I will return.

hugh.h.melrose@us.army.mil

This morning I received the official word, your's truly is going to the big show, what that means in a nutshell is that I'm being mobilized. yep OlHugh's going to be taking a trip. How do I feel about this you might wonder? I'm confused, a little in shock, it's still not real to me, I don't even know if it will be real when I step up onto that plane.

I knew this was coming, I didn't put my life on hold for it. In fact I'm spending this afternoon with a good friend and tonight with even more friends. I had a couple of job offers, but I'll have to decline them now. I've already started packing my stuff into boxes. there's only a few things left. I have some people coming to get it soon.

If you want to get ahold of me while I'm gone, the only way I have for you to reach me now is via my military account: hugh.h.melrose@us.army.mil

Thanks and goodbye...for now.

These past few days have been extremely interesting, The pace has picked up and I've received some news that I knew was coming, but I dreaded. I will probably not have the opportunity to post much more than a few times over the next few days and after that, I don't know.

I've spent the time I have with friends, we've been going all over town saying goodbye to everyone. I spent time tonight at Fry's and Wal-Mart getting last minute travel supplies. I picked up two books from Barnes & Noble, "FightClub" and "Choke" by Chuck Palhiniuk, I ate a Chipotle last night, but the food is just not as good, leave there with a sick feeling. It's odd I'm not going to eat there again, not like I'll get the opportunity for awhile anyway.

Tonight Jane ( from Thailand) and Alex ( from China ) cooked me a going away dinner, it was phenomenal, truly authentic cooking, it makes me long for Japan again even though I know the dishes weren't japanese. I can't even begin to describe the flavors and textures they crafted, but it was amazing. Later after running around all day with Dave, I wound up hanging with my buddy Daniel at Plucker's where they had $3 34oz mugs of shiner, I only had one, but it was good. We discussed everything from movies, sports, the military to the upcoming conflict. I won't put my views here.

I'm leaving soon and everything is going to be alright, I'll support my Commander in Chief to the best of my ability and hopefully he'll do the same. it is late and I have things that need to be resolved before I leave. Thank you one and all for patronizing my blog. have a great life.

These past few days have been interesting, more to follow later...

I am trying to return to school, yet being a member of the military seems to be a deterrant to scholastic admittance. I signed up for classes at the local community college, but then I got word from my commander that we're up for mobilization, so I'm like F*ck, and I go to the school and withdraw. In a few days I have to go to Houston, I'm in the Army Reserves and they've called me to come in for briefings. sometimes, it's a big hassle serving my country. It's the military, at any time they can call me up, I have to go and they do it a lot. tends to play hell with the academic calendar and a lot of professors and schools won't cut you any slack for it, which I'm having a big problem with UT about right now.

My transcripts suck due to the fact that I've been activated so many times in the middle of semesters, UT refuses to take into the account that I'm a veteran and has continuosly denied me admittance. This is crazy I was born in this State, I grew up in this State, I joined the Army in this State, Served a major portion of my duty in this State and yet I'm not allowed to attend a STATE University?!?! this thouroughly pisses me off. I dont understand that! This has been going on for awhile now and I'm ready to just go over there and kick some teeth in at the admissions office. All I want to do is go to school, get an education and I am denied this basic right. It's tough and frustrating, I try so hard and yet they simply smack me down with form letters stating there are more qualified applicants, how can there be more qualified applicants when on the UT application it asks if you're a veteran and seeking veterans preference for admittance to the university? what does a veterans preference mean if it's disregarded? does that mean all my years of service are disregarded too? I can't get an answer from anyone at the university, there isn't a veterans representative, just a secretary in the registrar's office that knows nothing! the ROTC people won't help me unless I'm accepted to the school, WTF! ALL I WANT IS AN EDUCATION!! there are kids at that school that don't know what they want, they're just there for parties, alchohol and whatever! I'm so pissed at this School it's not funny! I'd write more, but you get the idea...

Sometimes, I'm a bit forward and untactful when it comes to relationships. I don't say the right things in the right ways and the situation turns from good to not so good. but that's alright, I'm allowed to do that. right? I'm only Human. Nah I didn't think so either. Recently I asked a girl out, rather untactfully, she was cool enough to hold off embarassing me, though I hardly get embarassed, still she didn't know that. It wasn't until I asked again that I "forced" (I'm not sure that's the right word to use, but it's there) her to answer and she did, with a "no, she wouldn't like to go out with me." which is about as decent an answer as one can get. if you read this, Thanks. That's about all I can say on that subject, hopefully we can be friends or at least positively minded acquaintances. who knows? Only time will tell, though I have little of that left in the states. more to follow on that, in the mean time, the day is bright, I'm going out to enjoy it.

early morning posting again, still not asleep, it's been awhile and I don't feel tired at all, perhaps I'm simply fooling myself? I'll finish this and go lie down, close my eyes and see what happens. I began with a reason for posting this, but threw that out the window. I just wanted to note that my site may be moving soon, a friend of mine has offered to host me on his server. this will afford me more opportunities to develop this site and more. I've spent most of the night in conversation with my Housemates, they all want to know what's going to happen once I get my order's. honestly I don't know. I have an idea, but I can't really discuss it. enough said, I'm going to bed. later all.

you know what? you don't need a sense of moral decency to dance all night long. Tonight I learned this and I'm more than willing to share my education with you. I went out tonight, despite popular belief and a few setbacks/noncommitments and I had a good time. Life is crazy and beautiful and I needed tonight to remind me of that. I'd explain more, but that would get me into trouble, lol. oh one last thing before I go, if any of you know of any good comments code sites, please email me. have a great night all!

I went out walking today, how could I not? the day was absolutely beautiful. I had lunch at Texadelphia on the drag, hung out there for a bit with Daniel, a friend and neighbor from my building. We walked the drag, there was a book I was looking for at B&N we hung out there for a bit, but they were sold out. I love the free refills on iced tea there. afterwards we went cruising, wound up at the goodwill computer store and Fry's, watched LOTR there on their super surround sound system and 20k flatscreen TV, had to edit their setup to do that, too easy. wound up hitting a few other places and now I'm back for a bit, it's a cool Saturday night and I have no plans as of yet, what to do? any ideas email me, or send me an IM on AOL at: HughHudson3 Later!