Somehow I went out last night, I was tired and I almost got into a wreck. I wound up at a Christmas charity party at Starbucks (I hadn't been there in almost a week) with friends and they had a raffle for the charity and I won twice in a row, lucky me. haha. I ran into more people and it was just one more conversation after another.

Then I came home, talked to a friend on IM for a bit, tried to sleep... had some troubling dreams again and woke up and smacked my head into the wall. I'm not sleeping very well lately.I think I grind my teeth in my sleep too and my mouth frickin hurts when I wake up.

Duty calls and I have to be in my dress uniform tomorrow, I need to sleep, but I can't seem to get to sleep lately. The Army is messing with me again. They're talking about calling me back to active duty, but this time they're a little more serious about it. If so, then that makes my plans for college next semester void. The Army has been keeping me busy lately, I've had to work on my background for the last 15 years since my security clearance is coming up for review. I've had to go back and list tons of people on the damn thing and whoever they pick to interview, well lets just say that some of those people are going to get a little shock, but it can't be helped, I had to put their names down.

These past few weeks have been interesting, I've been trying to get out and hit different hangouts around town, not just with friends, but alone too. I've met some new and interesting people. I have been on dates with other girls, but for some reason something is always missing when I'm trying to get to know them. Usually I listen and can converse with almost anyone, but for some reason with these women I just can't focus or even get interested. I wind up wondering why I'm even there and then I'm honest with them and tell them they're really nice, but I'm just not feeling any kind of connection. Some have taken it better than others. I've even run into several of my ex's and we've talked and I've even gone out with a couple of them, but it's still the same. It's nice to see them and catch up, but thats about it. Some of them have wanted more from the meeting and well that's just not something I'm willing to do right now.

I've started trying to write again, my friend Aaron aka Morpheus has been a bit of an inspiration to me, he's writing and working on his music and that kind of gives me the drive and inspiration to pick up the pen again. What does that mean? well you'll probably see me with my customary black binder again, that is if you see me at all...

I've got to get some sleep, I have to be up in about 3 hours and dressed to impress, If you've got the time come by Starbucks on kuykendahl and louetta tomorrow evening, you'll get the chance to see me in my dress uniform.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving went well and that you're holidays are filled with everything that makes you happy.

And if you still read this... you know my feelings haven't changed.