It's Friday and where oh where am I? at the local college attempting to register for summer courses, which start on Monday and apparantly everyone else in town is trying to do the same thing, so here I sit in this computer lab freely using their internet while I wait for the line to go down.

All the news about me that's so not fit to print, but I'll put it here anyway...lol.

Recently, my parents van broke down again and yours truly had to go rescue them, I found them blocking traffic right outside the precint 4 building yelling and screaming at each other, then to make matters more jerry springerish, they began to slap at each other, all the while my Dad's on crutches with this huge cast, cars are piled up for miles and there's me in uniform trying to make someone see reason, let's just say that chaos reigns still.

I said something I should not have said to someone very close to me and now that someone isn't speaking to me like they used to, everything changes when you open your heart, be warned people.

Still shopping for a new/used car/truck, getting close to making a purchase, especially now that Uncle Sam is paying me. I'm thinking Truck or small SUV, we'll see how the game is played out.

Last night I spent an enjoyable evening with friends, though with the one previously mentioned I felt relations were strained. Alas it is a loss I will regret, perhaps it can be mended in time, though now it weighs heavily on my mind. I did play several enjoyable games of Skip-Bo while there and later at Denny's with other's that seemed to last long into the morning, then excusing myself I went home and stared for awhile at the ceiling, thinking thoughts I had put aside for awhile.

I have heard rumors that I'm to be released from Active duty status in a 90 day time period, so I need to get cracken on what I'm going to do for cash and how I'm going to occupy my time, whether I will return to Austin to attempt to attend UT again or what? I don't know, I wasn't expecting this and I have what feels like a very short time to prepare for it. life is funny sometimes...very funny.

"When we blindly adopt a religion, a political system, a literary dogma, we become automatons. We cease to grow."
-Anais Nin, The Diaries of Anaïs Nin

If you have any left, what are your thoughts? What are your own views, not the mindless regurgitation of a societies mass hypnosis. I need to know that there are others out there who think, really think about the choices, actions and consequences they make. Are you blind to the world, do you really know what's going on? Or am I here simply babbling to the world gone beyond mad into that semblance of life. You automaton! Yes You, break free from your chains, set yourself loose from the machine. Alas this is all beginning to sound very matrixesque so I'm going to end this transmission with a simple request...wake up.

I have returned unto this my blog. This past week and a half that I've been gone has been filled with challenges that have been met and conquered. prepare to face my newly charged mentality.

"Beware the fury of a patient man." - John Dryden

I'm patient...

This or That Tuesday May 27 2003: Personal Habits, Quirks, Routines, etc.
1. Do you prefer silence or do you like background sound (music, TV, etc)?
- music forms the background to my life, but there are times that silence is pure and sweet
2. Bathe/shower in morning or evening?
- shower, in the morning is preferred.
3. Sleeping in complete darkness, or with a nightlight on?
- complete and total darkness, though a little light doesn't bother me, I also prefer it cool.
4. Lay out clothes the night before, or just grab what's closest in the morning?
- both, lately there hasn't been much of a choice, it's my off work wear that takes time
5. Hang up/fold clothes neatly, or just toss them wherever?
- toss em or hang em depending on how I feel
6. Work out at a gym, or at home on your own (or do you not bother with exercise)?
- we have a gym here at work, home I've got my bike and other things to keep me busy
7. Talk on the phone, or via IM/e-mail?
- I always have my cel with me, though when I'm online it's AIM or email
8. Are you usually on time, or late?
- I think I have the family ability to be at least 10 minutes late
9. Spendthrift or frugal?
- frugal lately, though cashflow tends to be the main factor.
10. Thought-Provoking Question of the Week: You work with someone who is not in the habit of bathing regularly. The smell seems to be getting worse and worse! Would you: 1. try to do something about it, or 2. try to grin and bear it? If you said 1, what would you do?
- I'd give them a bar of soap and tell them to go home for the day and not to come back till clean.

"I believe -- anything that can love has a soul. Have you ever felt love?"
"I've learned -- that it's dangerous to love. It can drive you crazy."

"Then perhaps -- that's what tears are for."

- Andromeda "The Mathematics of Tears"

I love qoutes, little pieces of everyday wisdom and insight that have the ability to encompass an entire thought. what does the above qoute mean to you? what does it mean to me? I believe I have a soul, though it is locked away at times deep inside, I believe I have the capacity to love, but due to my own dysfunctional upbringing and the many failed relationships I've been in ( I say failed due to the fact that I am no longer with said person in the relationship) I believe I have the capacity to love, but that I have been scarred to the point where I don't recognize or even know what love is. Have I ever felt love? I'd like to believe so, to have known it just once would be a godsend. I do know that it is dangerous to love, you open yourself completely holding your arms wide fearing nothing for you are truly free and that is to be forever crazy. Sometimes love is unrequited, meaning not returned and that's ok as long as you keep control over your emotions, over who you are and can remain impartial. Yet there are times that try everyone's soul and emotions can run out of control and you try to hold them so tight inside to try to keep yourself together... perhaps then that is what tears are for, to help get everything out and cleanse the soul of the pain. perhaps...when was the last time you cried?

So I wrote a ton of stuff here for a really long Friday post, but I accidently tried to edit another post and lost everything I wrote. apparantly I'm not thinking too well right now, what's up with that?

Anyway here's the meat of it before I go:

My Dad's doing well from his eye surgery this past week, however; he's going in for his Pre-op for his foot surgery on Monday of next week. The same day I'm leaving to head to the field with the troops for a week long seriously intense training session. Your's truly is giving the class on explosive ordinance, much fun will be had, can I get a BOOM! Also previously this week, yesterday in fact I had my HUMVEE / Duce and a half Driver's recertification program, HOOAH! Let's just say that I got baked a nice rosey red doing donuts in the HUMVEE and no one, I repeat NO ONE can drive that machine better than me. I've got the certificate and a freaked out instructor to prove it. Anyway it's the weekend, friends from Austin will be down and we'll be hangin...out that is...I hear there is a movie or two playing that I might just go see or maybe we'll wind up trashing and bashing the city of Houston before I have to leave early monday morning. I should be back in about a week or two, who knows. maybe longer. Memorial day weekend is coming up and I have a four day weekend just waiting to be exploited. Have a great one all, I'm gone!

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To quote Led Zepplin, “Its been a long time…”

And, like the Zep , I am still rockin….It’s just in a comfy chair, not on top of a speaker.

What do you believe in? What's the most important thing in your life right now? Have you ever taken an inward look inside yourself to figure out who you are and what you stand for? As Socrates said all those years ago, "Know thy self". Don't be a sheep that just follows the herd, know what you stand for and take a stand. As for me I believe in...

Yesterday my Dad went in for surgery, I was lucky enough to be able to see him before he went in. He was kind of groggy, but he knew I was there. I've been in enough Hospitals and under the knife so many times that I've become comfortable with everything and I don't have a problem with hospitals or with surgery, but I still find it very hard to see someone I care about in the same situation. I was glad that I was there for my Dad when he was about to go in himself, it's something he has needed to do to help himself out for the future.

Follow up:
My Dad's surgery apparantly went well, I got to see him last night. He wasn't in pain, his face was all bandaged up, but he was doing well. He's going in for a follow-up this morning to see how everything really went. Next week Dad goes in for foot surgery and sometime later he's going to have hip surgery...man this is rough. More will more than likely follow later.

Thanks for listening me babble...

Another Monday begun in earnest, I wish I could say that I awoke to the dawning, but I was up well before dawn ever showed in the sky, the skies above me were a dark murky grey, thanks to the fires down in old Mexico. Thank you Mexico for giving me daily headaches.

Yesterday was Mother's Day, did you wish your mother a Happy Mother's day? I did and woah did it backfire on me... lol, Mom has a sort of green thumb thing going, so me being the loving son that I am I bought my Mom some orchids preplanted, loah did I know that this would precipitate a trip to Home Depot to purchase a book on Orchids, special orchid food, orchid potting soil, a larger pot for the orchids and some more potting soil for the other plants my Mom has. This brought me well up to the additional costs of Mother's day to around 150, not to include the other flowers, cards, breakfast, lunch, dinner and other miscellaneous items... ah..I love me Ma! Me Ma! ah think I'll buy her a caravan, perrywinkle blue...cause it's for me ma! so it was well worth it..

more to follow later ;o)

and now it is later and this is what followed, Mother's Day was great despite the usual antics. If I didn't see you on Mother's day I did try to call, or if your reading this now then Happy Mother's Day Thank you for all your hard work and effort.

In other news my father is going in for eye surgery tomorrow, this will put him out of commission for awhile. I don't like the idea of my Dad going under the knife and I can't really express my feelings on that subject right now so I'm going to end this post. Have a great day all!

Home, sweet friggin home, or at least 200 miles from home is still closer than I have been in a long time. Ah Houston, with it's smog and hundreds of miles of concrete and asphalt, how I missed thee, not really. I got in from KC last night and despite some mishaps at the airport, a stop at Zio's Restraunt with a buddy of mine and his family, to include his wife and their two sons Andrew and Patrick, Wherein I proceeded to warp the minds of the youth of America ( one of my favorite pastimes) The boys were great, soaked it up like a sponge and by the end of the night they were calling me their new best friend, what a deal. Eventually I wound up at Starbucks where I ran into Nicki, Jill and Steve, hung out there for a bit before my ride showed up and I went to my parents home here in North Houston. All in all a good night and an excellent trip, I began to unpack my gear and somewhere in the middle of it all I passed out on the floor only waking to the sound of the telephone ringing at about 4 am , time to get up and go to work.

In other News/Thoughts: Happy Cinco De Mayo! Like we need another excuse to have a party?

Which society do you believe functions in the best interests of everyone?
---------------------
A society based on individualism (with a basic set of ground rules) or A society based on a collective group of beings, like many older civilizations (and if you want to use the example, aliens)?
This could be considered a trick question, depending on your perspective on the question. From my persective, this question could relate to capitolism vs. socialism. Capitolism is a system for the individual, holding the individual wo/man as the highest being in the system. Thus, we compete and grow, but we don't work for others, we work for ourselves. In true capitolism one would never hurt others, as this would damage the person's resources. If you kill the baker you won't have any bread tomorrow.

Socialism is based on the principle of the greatest good for the majority (all of these are various Social Contract concepts), thus all of the people are working for the good of the system and the social group as a whole.

The system based on the individual is easily the best one (or maybe I'm just a brainwashed American). We can look at systems that are group-based and see that they look like a scene from 1920's America. They use archaic machinery and there is little happiness.

The individual likes no thing more than him/herself. Thus, we, as individuals, are always going to work for things that benefit ourselves. We will compete and advance society. As in any social contract, there are groudn rules - prohibiting murder and whatnot- so we can get along in our ego-driven lives. Thus, working for the small developes the whole; working for the whole just makes us miserable.

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Still in KC, bout to head back to Houston in a few hours, this mission rocked the rock! field exercises and everything was up and hot, the skies here at night was wide open for what seemed like hundreds of miles, the stars were clear and bright and I just laid back on a hilltop and stared forever... ah sweet bliss. Now I have to go catch a plane and head home, where I'll end up after that, who knows!

So it's Thursday night and I'm in Kansas City, Kansas posting live to you from the road. A few days ago I left Houston, Texas and while in the airport was practically violated, had 5 things of mine confiscated by TSA and almost missed my flight, I was in Tulsa, Oklahoma and my brief stay there was uneventful at best, perhaps the most exciting thing was sharing the back 6 seats of a plane with a couple of attractive flight attendants, even though all that occurred was casual conversation, still it was an envious position to be in. Having arrived in Kansas City, Missouri I quickly grabbed the rental car, a nifty Dodge intrepid ( it's silver )and lead footed it over to the Kansas side of the city as fast as I could, Seeing as how I have business interests just to the north of the city. now I'm sitting here in the living room of my suite at the beautiful former prison administration offices that are now affectionately called the Riverside Apartments, building 427 here at lovely Fort Leavenworth, Kansas. I can't really explain what my job is here, but it's a doozy, very high profile. The Thunderstorms have been exceptionally show stopping, and the scenery/greenery around here is a welcome change from the local shrubbery around North Houston. Being near the river reminds me a lot of Austin and that brings back other memories. Yet I digress, The little town of leavenworth just outside of the Fort boasts a beautiful Downtown, including the High Noon Saloon/Brewery where I've been taking most of my meals in the evenings. It's an excellent restraunt and I reccomend it to everyone who might come here.

In other news there is a chapter of Team Army Cycling here that I'm involved with and while I haven't yet been able to contact any of the people here, I have seen them racing around post, it seems to me this post was designed for cycling. Regretfully my bike is still in storage in Spring, Texas. Due to my activation and work schedule I don't get enough time to ride anymore. Lately I've just been burnt out on everything. I meant it in my earlier posts that caffeine was the only thing keeping me alive.

where will I end up next? perhaps Houston by the fourth of May, in the evening sometime. I currently have no plans except work for Cinco De Mayo, but it could be arranged. Here's a reminder: 11 MAY 2003 equals Mother's Day. Plan accordingly.

I'm currently finishing off a half-gallon of Helfelweisen a German beer imported and sold at the High Noon Saloon, apparantly you can purchase a 64oz. bottle to go, what a restraunt. Tonights special was all you can eat ribs for 11.99 and a few plates later I was ready to proclaim these "The best ribs outside of the state of Texas." So tonight I sit here after having worked to the point of exhaustion for the past few days and I write to you oh reader of mine, to let you know what's going on in my fevered mind. FYI: I have been able to post over at Alicia's in her comments so feel free to peruse and make your own. To end I shall wish you all a goodnight and whatever makes you happy.