I'm leaving in a few minutes, just a few more things to pack, this computer I'm saving for last. In a few hours I'll be gone and in a few days I'll be in the middle of conflict, I'm going to war, what wil happen I don't know. what I do know is that I will miss you all greatly, Goodbye my friends, Goodbye Austin, I will return.

hugh.h.melrose@us.army.mil

This morning I received the official word, your's truly is going to the big show, what that means in a nutshell is that I'm being mobilized. yep OlHugh's going to be taking a trip. How do I feel about this you might wonder? I'm confused, a little in shock, it's still not real to me, I don't even know if it will be real when I step up onto that plane.

I knew this was coming, I didn't put my life on hold for it. In fact I'm spending this afternoon with a good friend and tonight with even more friends. I had a couple of job offers, but I'll have to decline them now. I've already started packing my stuff into boxes. there's only a few things left. I have some people coming to get it soon.

If you want to get ahold of me while I'm gone, the only way I have for you to reach me now is via my military account: hugh.h.melrose@us.army.mil

Thanks and goodbye...for now.

These past few days have been extremely interesting, The pace has picked up and I've received some news that I knew was coming, but I dreaded. I will probably not have the opportunity to post much more than a few times over the next few days and after that, I don't know.

I've spent the time I have with friends, we've been going all over town saying goodbye to everyone. I spent time tonight at Fry's and Wal-Mart getting last minute travel supplies. I picked up two books from Barnes & Noble, "FightClub" and "Choke" by Chuck Palhiniuk, I ate a Chipotle last night, but the food is just not as good, leave there with a sick feeling. It's odd I'm not going to eat there again, not like I'll get the opportunity for awhile anyway.

Tonight Jane ( from Thailand) and Alex ( from China ) cooked me a going away dinner, it was phenomenal, truly authentic cooking, it makes me long for Japan again even though I know the dishes weren't japanese. I can't even begin to describe the flavors and textures they crafted, but it was amazing. Later after running around all day with Dave, I wound up hanging with my buddy Daniel at Plucker's where they had $3 34oz mugs of shiner, I only had one, but it was good. We discussed everything from movies, sports, the military to the upcoming conflict. I won't put my views here.

I'm leaving soon and everything is going to be alright, I'll support my Commander in Chief to the best of my ability and hopefully he'll do the same. it is late and I have things that need to be resolved before I leave. Thank you one and all for patronizing my blog. have a great life.

These past few days have been interesting, more to follow later...

I am trying to return to school, yet being a member of the military seems to be a deterrant to scholastic admittance. I signed up for classes at the local community college, but then I got word from my commander that we're up for mobilization, so I'm like F*ck, and I go to the school and withdraw. In a few days I have to go to Houston, I'm in the Army Reserves and they've called me to come in for briefings. sometimes, it's a big hassle serving my country. It's the military, at any time they can call me up, I have to go and they do it a lot. tends to play hell with the academic calendar and a lot of professors and schools won't cut you any slack for it, which I'm having a big problem with UT about right now.

My transcripts suck due to the fact that I've been activated so many times in the middle of semesters, UT refuses to take into the account that I'm a veteran and has continuosly denied me admittance. This is crazy I was born in this State, I grew up in this State, I joined the Army in this State, Served a major portion of my duty in this State and yet I'm not allowed to attend a STATE University?!?! this thouroughly pisses me off. I dont understand that! This has been going on for awhile now and I'm ready to just go over there and kick some teeth in at the admissions office. All I want to do is go to school, get an education and I am denied this basic right. It's tough and frustrating, I try so hard and yet they simply smack me down with form letters stating there are more qualified applicants, how can there be more qualified applicants when on the UT application it asks if you're a veteran and seeking veterans preference for admittance to the university? what does a veterans preference mean if it's disregarded? does that mean all my years of service are disregarded too? I can't get an answer from anyone at the university, there isn't a veterans representative, just a secretary in the registrar's office that knows nothing! the ROTC people won't help me unless I'm accepted to the school, WTF! ALL I WANT IS AN EDUCATION!! there are kids at that school that don't know what they want, they're just there for parties, alchohol and whatever! I'm so pissed at this School it's not funny! I'd write more, but you get the idea...

Sometimes, I'm a bit forward and untactful when it comes to relationships. I don't say the right things in the right ways and the situation turns from good to not so good. but that's alright, I'm allowed to do that. right? I'm only Human. Nah I didn't think so either. Recently I asked a girl out, rather untactfully, she was cool enough to hold off embarassing me, though I hardly get embarassed, still she didn't know that. It wasn't until I asked again that I "forced" (I'm not sure that's the right word to use, but it's there) her to answer and she did, with a "no, she wouldn't like to go out with me." which is about as decent an answer as one can get. if you read this, Thanks. That's about all I can say on that subject, hopefully we can be friends or at least positively minded acquaintances. who knows? Only time will tell, though I have little of that left in the states. more to follow on that, in the mean time, the day is bright, I'm going out to enjoy it.

early morning posting again, still not asleep, it's been awhile and I don't feel tired at all, perhaps I'm simply fooling myself? I'll finish this and go lie down, close my eyes and see what happens. I began with a reason for posting this, but threw that out the window. I just wanted to note that my site may be moving soon, a friend of mine has offered to host me on his server. this will afford me more opportunities to develop this site and more. I've spent most of the night in conversation with my Housemates, they all want to know what's going to happen once I get my order's. honestly I don't know. I have an idea, but I can't really discuss it. enough said, I'm going to bed. later all.

you know what? you don't need a sense of moral decency to dance all night long. Tonight I learned this and I'm more than willing to share my education with you. I went out tonight, despite popular belief and a few setbacks/noncommitments and I had a good time. Life is crazy and beautiful and I needed tonight to remind me of that. I'd explain more, but that would get me into trouble, lol. oh one last thing before I go, if any of you know of any good comments code sites, please email me. have a great night all!

I went out walking today, how could I not? the day was absolutely beautiful. I had lunch at Texadelphia on the drag, hung out there for a bit with Daniel, a friend and neighbor from my building. We walked the drag, there was a book I was looking for at B&N we hung out there for a bit, but they were sold out. I love the free refills on iced tea there. afterwards we went cruising, wound up at the goodwill computer store and Fry's, watched LOTR there on their super surround sound system and 20k flatscreen TV, had to edit their setup to do that, too easy. wound up hitting a few other places and now I'm back for a bit, it's a cool Saturday night and I have no plans as of yet, what to do? any ideas email me, or send me an IM on AOL at: HughHudson3 Later!

Afternoon all, just dropping in here to post a few minutes. Check out this pic my buddy Kylow tossed my way. I still haven't gotten any sleep, I wonder why that is? I don't feel tired at all. Either way the day outside is looking beautiful.. later!

goodmorning, it's 3 amyou wouldn't believe how cold it is outside and the amount of activity going on outside the building, every couple of minutes someone walks by. I guess that's what I get for having a first floor apt facing a busy street. it's late and I can't sleep. Too much caffeine I guess. You know what? "Barista" is just a euphemism for yuppie drug dealer, serving up caffeineted crack. I think my blood type registers breakfast blend. Dang, I need to get some sleep.

It's another Friday night here in Austin and I'm sitting down to compose this my message to you, those happy, happy few out there in cyberspace and reality who might happen across this site. I've been reading over at Mel's and have quite the discussion going, it seems I've lost points with her mom, more to follow as I find out how. My cousin Yoshi has changed up his layout, lookin good as always! Still working on the code for my comments, should be up soon, but we'll see. The night has turned dark and cold, the temperature has dropped, I'm not a big fan of cold so I'm suffering a bit, being inside now helps. I went by Tower records today and checked out the availability of the LOTR expanded pack set, grabbed a good cup of tea at CC's and hung out at Barnes & Noble for awhile. I came home early and grabbed some chow, left overs rock, I opened my window for a bit this afternoon and for some odd reason a bird alighted on my window sill and started chirping in a very disney like manner... surreal. with that I'll leave you for now as I go roaming the net in search of new reads.

Ah, the day is beautiful outside! so cold, yet crisp and bright. I stayed up late again last night and watched the sky with my blue lights on and ambient luxe playing. it was very chill. I thought of my friends and my family, of those who I could not be with. I've come to the realization that I'm not as communicative as I should be with those I care about and I'm resolving to attempt to become more available. To reveal my inner thoughts and turmoils. There are things paramount, foremost in my mind, I am a soldier and I know I will be called for duty, I know not when, but I know the call will come. I have started a life here in Austin and I will have to leave it all behind for my country, but that is a sacrifice a soldier is willing to make for his country. I readily give of myself for you, my fellow countrymen, because I love this country and the freedoms that we all have must be defended. I don't always agree with the policies that those above me endorse, but I will support my nation. enough said about that, I'm still working on the comments, please feel free to continue to email me until further notice.

working on the comments code, please bear with me...thanks I new you would.

I was at home, chilling in my apartment, the radio was on and the windows were wide open, outside it's a bright, cool sun shiny day. there's even birds singing...haha. So I'm going to go out and walk the streets of West Campus here in Austin, the day is calling me..and I'm answering, later.

it's the middle of the day and I'm a boy dangling on cut strings, hanging out there for everyone to see. A sad little puppet set free to wander and wonder what will be. This hazy grey landscape amazes me, I pass slowly through the flood of ashy flavored fog. far away lights transfix my hollow eyed gaze. where am I what has become of me, what will I do, where to go from here...

Man, I have literally been up for over a full day now. Though it was necessary, I'm tired out...this is it for the posting right now. Peace to everyone, talk with ya later or something like that. I'm going to bed.

Running on Empty
January 13, 2003

Running on 24hrs of no sleep,
Feeling like my head is light and my soul is floating,
Calling me to join it in that land where it resides,
While I hang in the balance of life and death,
That in-between called sleep.

But the bug has gotten a hold of me.

You know what bug I’m talking about,
That writing one,
That fills your brain in the late now hours,
That compels you to write and write and write,
Even though you can barely think straight.
That bug that pulls the soul back in and makes it,
Power the body despite the fact,
You faculties are shutting down,
And your brain has become a haven,
For illicitness and empty thoughts.
Still it pushes, it pokes, it prods, it digs and burrows,
Finding some meat still laced to your bones,
Picking them clean and then cracking them open,
Making you dig into the marrow of your existence,
For some profound word to share or thing to say,
That will lure or impress others to your view,
Or simply cause you to feel justified,
That it’s finally out.
You can’t rid yourself of this vibe, this flow,
That this thing causes, because you’re poetry,
Every part of you is speaking constantly,
Words fill your head upon command,
And you must write!
Until finally, you can find nothing to write about,
And everything is gone; you are dry and diminished,
A light with out electricity,
Finally making it to exhaustion,
After running on empty.

I post again, it has been two nights since my last post and events have transpired as they are wont to do. I have continued my journey in this so called life, traversing this path laid before me. Along the way I have lost a friend, perhaps it is for the best though I have regrets, but only time will tell the ending of this tale. I'm planning another trip, but will not be leaving for awhile. I have to set my house in order before my departure. I'm not sure of what to add so I shall stop here and plan to post later.

I've danced in the rain tonight, well more like I walked in the rain. I'm not a big fan of the cold, nor the wet, but I have a lot on my mind and I needed to get out and just walk and think. I did that and I noticed several things while walking, yet I won't bore you with the details. Now I sit here and wonder, a cup of hot tea warming my chilled hands and I plan for the future. I shall write more later.

So, I'm back from out of this place, I just arrived in a few hours ago and I have much to tell, but so much more that I cannot tell. There are things afoot in my life that I want/need to talk to someone about, but I am here, alone, and this prevents me from saying the things I need/want to say. This weekend was spent in preparation for a future conflict that I don't wholly agree with. I cannot say more because I have been sworn to silence and I take my duties very seriously. I know I write ambiguosly and for that I apologize. This voice inside me tends to speak this way when I type out my inner thoughts. My time spent was good and productive, I was glad to have the chance to spend time with friends and family of which the time I do spend is never enough. There are those that I care about that I do not get to spend time with and this I regret. To those of you that I don't spend enough time with know that I do think of you. I need to walk outside for awhile, I know it's cold, but it helps me think... I shall return.

I take my leave of you now, for the briefest of periods I must away with myself. Yet know that I shall return. I will not be silenced!

Sometimes, Sometimes I feel like a motherless child a long, long way from my home. Today is a Friday and I'm preparing to leave again. Where I'm going I cannot say, sometimes I don't even know where I will end up, but I must go, my duty calls to me. The afternoon sunlight is bright through the windows of my apartment. The breeze outside is strong and brings with it a coolness that wasn't present yesterday and I pack for a tomorrow that is unknown. It is on a day like this that I miss those who are/were closest to me. where are you now?

I've been away for awhile and I can't say where I've been, Traveling in real time is sometimes a necessity for me so at times I will be away. I've accomplished my mission at least as far as I knew what my mission was and now I return. To this "home" I've created for myself here in Austin. I've returned to my semblance of life and my very real friends. I regret though that I will be leaving again soon. work is like that, always there waiting to be done and so I will go and hope that I return to continue this my story unfolding.

So it's a new year, Happy New Year all, and I have this blog. I started it on a whim and long standing desire to actually start one, so I begin. This is the third post I've made and I'm not sure of what I have to say, Do I really have anything to say at all, of course I do. I have everything to say, but what to say? that is the question. I could update you on my life so far. I'm in a new city, having moved here last July, I have met and know a few people here. I'm making friends as I go. I moved here for a couple of reasons, if your intelligent and I know you are you've probably already guessed a girl was involved, isn't there always? So I moved here for a girl and the possibility of a job, being that I had lost my job right before christmas this past year, 2001 not 2002. This girl and I used to be great together, things changed as they often do. I won't bore you with the details, but I had to find another place to live, which is how I wound up where I am now. I had a job, it wasn't great, but it paid my bills and left me with some money to play with, I also won't bore you with the details of what happened with this, but let's just say that I no longer have either the job or the girl and I live in a strange city. I do, however, have friends, few but my circle is growing. So now I sit here in my one room apartment in West Campus and I've started a blog to detail my experiences in this, my new city. Hello Austin, I'm here.