Honeybrowne

May, 28 2006 at Big Texas (under 21)
19959 Holzwarth, Spring, TX 77388
Cost:

www.bigtexassaloon.com (281)353-8898

http://www.myspace.com/honeybrowne

http://www.honeybrowne.net

Chemical Reaction

When I hear your voice
a hormone that I can’t name
and that can’t be measured
by any scientific tool,
makes me feel
like I am in paradise.

It starts like a late night glass of wine
On a warm summer beach
caressed by the sound
of gentle waves
coming home

And it ends like
the sound of a symphony
on the 4th of July,
just after the fireworks
and imaginations
have exploded
in star studded sky.

When I look it you
it is like striking a match.
All my sensations flare
like the smell of sulfur
that singes my nostrils
and the sound
of that crisp sizzle and crack
before chemicals
spontaneously combust
into skin burning flame.

And when you touch me
it is even more volatile,
like nitro glycerin,
as my heart and such
seems ready to burst
at the thought
of you.

So I sit here waiting
for that reaction to begin
as everything starts
with you.

A few old pieces brought forth into the light once again, they were written for someone who never got the chance to read them. So I give them freely to you.

Springtime in August

One brilliant August evening,
just as sundown fades to night,
their gazes met, and for the first
time, shared each other's light.
Now, wondering how he came to this
most glorious of lives,
thoughts center on the origins
of love without disguise.

Love may be accidental or
meticulously planned
But that night, by some twist of fate,
the heavens took a stand
and called to him from up on high,
"Her heart is filled with light!"
And so began, then, you and I,
on that good August night.
---------------
Though distance separates us both,
the stars connect us now
Their fire yields to ours the way
'Till time and space allow
the bringing of our hearts to one,
the masterpiece complete
forever here, with you in arms
From which I shan't retreat.
---------------
you are my moonlight sonata,
and all the tangled lips we bind
are the whole notes that I find
encompass every bit of happiness
that's in this measure of my life.
---------------
This refrain of connection and
the presence of perfection in
a moment of the birth of something new
has got me feeling very blessed
because tonight I'd never guessed
connections made, the best refrain
would perfectly be you.

We can dance
Take a second chance
To fall
While listening to
One song
The pain of yesterday
Flowing through my
Tears today
A local legend
And his long time
Lucky charm
Walking through the
Memories
The go go
Voo doo
Mojo
Brewing
2 years ago
Thank you for loving me
Healing begins
Tonight
With just
You and me
ALWAYS
Smiles came easy
Because of you

Closure eyes
Look to the light
Today is a new day
Wipe the past away
The tears that fell
Tell the tale
Of 100 years
The story of
My life
You and me
Every word
Was a piece of me
Every song
Was a piece of you
I never felt so
At home
As I Do
With you
Healing is beginning
Endings are ending
The smiles,
The miles,
The memories
Being reborn
To return
For better
For worse
We have survived
The storm
This is what
Got us here
That long
Winding road
To hell and back
But heaven is in sight

if you ask me if i am a romantic, i would say yes, perhaps a bit too romantic at times though. my effinity to romance is only a secret i am really a pleaser when it comes to relationships. i give roses and chocolates, i send sweet little notes, i am always thoughtful and caring and i'm not ashamed to show it. i whisper sweet words before sleeping and plant kisses first thing in the morning. my partner thinks i'm the most romantic guy in the whole world. its not hard for me to show my partner that i care about them, that going through these motions is a recipe for a good relationship.

what i would admit is that i have biological, moral, and social needs; and in order to maintain that i will have to act accordingly. inside me is a heart that has more than enough space for romantic emotions, which is really the heart of this whole blog. now this is just a personal opinion and i'm putting it here for the concept of sharing. the truth is this is still an ongoing thought exercise that either needs a lot more refinement or would probably be thrown to the bin and into oblivion when the fog clears.

recently, i have been a confidant to a very dear friend. her problem is she fell in love with her boyfriend's best friend. their love triangle is not the topic here so i will leave her anonymous. what strikes me is the evident propensity of people to be attracted to the opposite sex in ways like only cupids arrow can do to make them instantly declare that they are in love. notwithstanding that they met only two weeks ago, they practically do not know anything about each other, there only time together were some phone calls, some messages, and some emails. how can you be in love?

is love a tingling sensation you feel for the person you want? you're bones become brittle and you're like melted butter floating in the clouds. doesn't it need reason at all? really? does love have to precede realationships or can love be born out of a relationship?

i know a couple, they're of chinese descent, who were forced into marriage by their parents in their late teens. prior to their marriage they didn't even know the other exist. they're very old now, probably in their eigthies. there love is legendary in the whole neighborhood because they never separated even once. their respect and commitment to each other is unrivaled. eight children, all successful in their own professions. in a small town each family's life is an open book and their story is not so different than ours. they had their own share of tribulations but they stuck together no matter what. they're a picture of a happy family and a wonderful love story.

i know a guy, a very close friend. fell in love with his college classmate. they wed and had two children. it didn't work out well for them so they separated. only a few months later he fell in love with another girl and they decided to live together. they had two children of their own but they constantly clash all the time so they had to separate too. then came another girl, and guess what? he fell in love again. he's a love factory because he never seems to run out of it. i haven't heard from him in a long time. the last news i have of him is that he's got five children in his house and no wife.

i know a guy, who in college had this girlfriend for three years and he loved her. why? i do not know. probably because he missed her when she wasn't around. they enjoyed being together. shared each others dreams and aspirations. whatever the reason, he know he loved her, he just did. but that was a long time ago, he hasn't seen her and he wouldn't probably see her anymore. is he still in love with her? no. but he used to be. if you asked him now he doesn't even remember how it felt. time moved on and he didn't stay to linger. once upon a time they were so in love, and so he thought. but today it's all just memories, and very faint memories at that.

this brings me now to my postulate. I cannot speak in generalities concerning the process of falling in love in regards to how long it takes, nor what it takes. For me personally I fell in love with the snap of a finger. Realizing it was love was what took a bit longer. When I knew that living without that person, without her, was an impossibilty, thats when I knew I was in love. When I cannot imagine my future without her I know I am still in love with her. you see I think a relationship is what needs nurturing , not love itself. For me love is a feeling, either you have it or you don't. real love is a posteriori to a relationship and grows like a seed to a full and sturdy tree. it needs nurturing and caring. experiencing things together and always being there for each other. many memories of pain and wonderful moments. when you're both old and you can still say "I LOVE YOU" to each other, there's the love. Love is so many different thoughts, emotions and actions that I'm not able to contain into words but I know it takes patience, commitment and compromise to make it work.

I really don't know anything about anything. Especially when it comes to love. But I do have some beliefs....

"Of course, true love is exceptional- two or three times a century, more or less. The rest of the time there is vanity or boredom." - Camus

"Love is not love when alteration finds. Oh no, it is an ever fixed mark." - Billy S.

"I experienced a secret suffering, a sort of privation that made me emptier and allowed me, partly through obligation and partly out of curiosity, to make a few commitments. Inasmuch as I needed to love and be loved, I thought I was in love. In other words, I acted the fool." - Camus

For me personally, I feel love. I know it when I feel it. I don't wonder about it. I also don't do romantic or sweet things simply because I am obligated or someone has to tell me to do them, I do them because the thought of bringing a smile to the face of someone I love makes me happy. all i know is i love the small things, not necessarily gifts and candy, although they are included of course, but gestures. the small things, the details, those are what i enjoy, not as much for whomever but as much for how i feel afterwards.

Love is a decision to put someone else's needs and desires before your own. It is a decision to take care of someone so thoroughly, that you do what is right for them even when your anger breeds the desire to do otherwise. Love is an act, not some illusive feeling.

love is my secret weakness. I've been lucky (or unlucky) to find myself in love before. when i'm in love, i give 100% of myself to that person and try to show them how much I care with small gestures of appreciation, not so much material things as meaningful words or actions that might show that person that they are important to me. There is no real truth about love - every love has each own truth.. basicly it is about feelings - and there are different kinds of love. Love to your family, love to your children, love to your friends - and the love between lovers.. Often the word love is misused in my oppinion - I dont think many of us would believe a person that said that he or she loved us after having known us for 2 hours. Many people want to be sure about love - some to much. That is probably why the quote "follow your heart" is a cliché but very true. I adore love - and I dont think there is no need to explain every fragment of it... just feel it and enjoy it..

I'm tired and have had a rough day...


I'm tired and have had a rough day and no one to really talk to about it all, please forgive me for my poor attitude, I've got a lot on my mind.

I've recently had several friends get into accidents, car accidents, one is recovering, but he was in a coma for a long time, its going to take longer for him and he may never be 100%. Another friend of mine was also in a car wreck and almost died, his car flipped and went off a steep embankment. Today, I learned a friend of mine in Florida is in the hospital because of a car wreck.

I've had my share of wrecks and my friends know this and I've talked to them about stretching themselves thin, burning the candles at both ends you know and then trying to drive, but people get careless.

I had the day off today, but no one to really talk to, so I just went and thought about it all day. I ran my errands, got my oil changed, a hair cut and went by the grocery store. All the while my friend is still in the hospital fighting for his life, we've got mutual friends and I'm just waiting on the word about him. I tried calling his Dad, but I didnt get a response. I hope he's okay.

Its all of that, plus a whole lot of other things that I'm dealing with, everythings wrapped up in my head and I'm just trying to find a constructive way of dealing with it. Trying to remain positive in the face of it all, smile in the face of it all.

Then I came home this evening to find my parents in the kitchen talking to an insurance salesman about life insurance policies, mortality, life expectancy and all that mess. that was the icing on my cake for the day.

I dont like thinking about that, but I know I should, its something that should be planned for and taken care of well in advance. I know I'm covered, but I never really thought about my parents. You don't think about them in those terms. you know what I'm saying? I have my brother to think about too, how will he be taken care of if my parents pass, I'm sure my sister would take him in, but that would be an added burden on her again. There are so many things to think about, to factor in, none of us know how much time we have on this earth, we should all make the best of it.

A good friend of mine's mother recently passed. She's older, my friend, and her mother was battling cancer so in a way this, as she said, was for the best, but I know how its affecting her. I know she's not holding up well and there's not a whole lot I can do to help her.


there is more going on, a lot more, but I've already dumped a load on you and I know its getting late. I'm sorry I shouldnt have done that, I appreciate you all, I really do. The people in my life, my friends, family and others, they all mean a lot to me, they are my strength. They are who and why I've sacrificed so much for and when they hurt, I hurt. I love you all deeply.

a friends words

A friend of mine, helped me form the words for this, without even realizing it he helped form the foundation for this.

I definitely fear success. That is one of the many things I've been noticing about myself. I tend to place the blame on outside factors at times, never considering the fact that its my own self that is shooting me in the foot.

I always thought I was bad at everything I did. when in actuality, I think I pick up almost everything fairly fast. And do so well that I get bored. when I get bored, I slack. when I slack, I don't do well at whatever it is. That's all I see, That I'm slacking or just going through the motions. Always trying something new. And always taking a little self hate with me because I think I sucked at something I was actually good at.

That is an example of how messed up it is in my head. It takes a lot of work just to see this stuff. Changing it takes time. I'm glad I've had good friends to help me along the way.

The thing is, now that I see it, I am moving to forward to do things I told myself I was going to do when I was younger. There are a lot of positive motivating factors in my life, yes I've had some setbacks, but I will keep moving forward.

I was afraid until now. I'm still afraid. but I think that's okay.

I will survive. I will thrive and go on to live again.

I have a lot to give and I give it to you freely.

I ain't first class and I ain't white trash, that's who I am, and who I'm not, I mean, I'm a Son, a Brother, an Uncle, A friend, A Soldier, an extremely hard worker, a true believer and an eternal optimist. I believe in people, that we're here to love each other & ourselves. We're here to share everything: ourselves, talents, ideas, truths, knowledge lives.

I have a lot to give and I give it to you freely.

A friend has this on their profile and I like to read it for inspiration.

"Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission"

Cause it makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter

Mark Twain said it.

The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.
- Mark Twain (Samuel Clemens)

Violence isn't the answer, but sometimes it feels so good to let go. I've got some stuff building up in me and it needs a release.

I've got a lot going on in my life right now, just like everyone else, but this is mine and so it affects me more than others. I'm attempting to face the world with a smile on my face and to be as I often tell my friends, "like a duck in the rain or a penguin on the ice and just let it slide" I'm a rock in a raging river and I'm standing fast, but time will wear me down and I dont know if I can stand that test.

I'm surviving.

Thats not the best answer, if you take a minute or longer to think about it you'll understand that there is more meaning in that simple statement than I am letting on to.

It's not living.

It's surviving. it's crawling forward, taking one more breath, its going without sleep, but waking up tired, its emotionally tearing me apart and there isnt anything else I can do about it. It's holding myslef together while standing in the face of the storm. It's all I can focus on.

I will survive, I will go on.