a friends words

A friend of mine, helped me form the words for this, without even realizing it he helped form the foundation for this.

I definitely fear success. That is one of the many things I've been noticing about myself. I tend to place the blame on outside factors at times, never considering the fact that its my own self that is shooting me in the foot.

I always thought I was bad at everything I did. when in actuality, I think I pick up almost everything fairly fast. And do so well that I get bored. when I get bored, I slack. when I slack, I don't do well at whatever it is. That's all I see, That I'm slacking or just going through the motions. Always trying something new. And always taking a little self hate with me because I think I sucked at something I was actually good at.

That is an example of how messed up it is in my head. It takes a lot of work just to see this stuff. Changing it takes time. I'm glad I've had good friends to help me along the way.

The thing is, now that I see it, I am moving to forward to do things I told myself I was going to do when I was younger. There are a lot of positive motivating factors in my life, yes I've had some setbacks, but I will keep moving forward.

I was afraid until now. I'm still afraid. but I think that's okay.

I will survive. I will thrive and go on to live again.