Life can only be understood backwards, but must be lived forwards. - Soren Kierkegaard

It is not because things are difficult that we do not dare; it is because we do not dare that things are difficult. - Seneca

I have been reading a lot lately. look for an update on whats been going on in my life coming soon! Have a great one all!

I don't know if you still read this or not, if you're even wondering how I'm doing and what's going on in my life. I am a man of my word and I have done everything I can to show you how much I still love you and want you in my life. Sometimes I hear song lyrics and they express the words better than I can say them. Lately it's been both Keith Urban and Collin Raye that seem to say the words that I want to say to you. This is for you.

It's that feeling that someone
Is standing behind me
And I turn around and there's no one there
And it's the sensation
That someone just whispered
Yeah and I still hear your voice but you're not really here
Your memory is like a ghost
And my heart is it's host

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you

You said you'd love me forever
Then you said it's over
And left me without the missing link
I thought I'd forget you
But I guess I forgot to
And lately I've been too confused to think
When I reach for someone new
It's like I'm touching you

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you

In everything that moves
In everything I do

I can still feel you just as close as skin
Every now and then
All by myself, in a crowded room, or my empty bed
There's a place you've touched
With your love no one gets close to
I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you, I can still feel you
Oh I can still feel you

Ladies and Gentleman, Boys and Girls I love you all and I'm thankful for the great comments and e-mail I've received from everyone this year. You're the fuel to my fire! All the rumors of my demise are untrue. I have not yet begun to fight!

This is just beginning...

Oh and I expect to see all of you tomorrow morning, Thurs Nov 24th at 9am at Strack Middle School's Football field (Which is located in Spring, Texas on Kuykendahl just north of Louetta)for an Annual Thanksgiving Day Football game. You can come out and watch me get tossed around with a bunch of the guys. Be there.

EVERYONE has something special, something unique to give to the world. Something that is totally them, 100% who they are. I think that when you find this part of yourself, when you acknowledge what it is that lies in your heart then your life will begin to fall into place. Believe me when I say that whatever you have, someone out there will NEED. GIVE freely, without reservation for the greater whole, SHARE because you NEED to. YOU may be the light in someone else's dark place. You may point someone in the right direction, you may be giving them exactly what they need WHEN they need it. Or you may plant the seeds of knowledge so they can grow in their own time.

In a society that focuses on what we recieve take time out to think about what you give.

Nothing much to report tonight, The Army kicked my tail today and made more vague threats about remobilizing me. I just signed up for classes too, so it figures that they're going to try to take me away again. I'm tired though, the day took more out of me than I thought it did. A couple of Highlights, I got to see my brother and my niece cheyanne was over when I got home. She's such an angel it's amazing. She sat in my lap and chowed down on an apple while my brother and I watched TV together. He and I don't get to spend a lot of time together due to conflicting schedules and it was nice to see him. I treasure my family even though they get on my nerves at times I love them still. I need to get some sleep soon. I have to get up early again for the Army and who knows what they're going to have me doing on a Monday?! I'm just so tired of it all sometimes...

In my dreams...

It doesn’t hurt to see her eyes
Or feel her lips on mine… no longer
For once I thought she hurt my pride
And took what’s mine… surrender

It’s the dreams we could have had
That pains me most inside… forever
To feel her warmth, her breath, her mind
Took what’s left and set it side… remember

I’ve said goodbye to destiny twice…
Now I’m afraid… to find a new fate…

‘Coz here I stand… here at one corner…
Biding my time… trying to hide…
While clutching a wooden sword…

And there you are… there at one corner…
Biding your time… drinking your wine…
While clutching a wounded bird…

Through gray clouds I found a light
Brought me songs I thought had died… no longer
I wish I were… I wish I might…
Feel her arms in mine… surrender

So today I went to Huntsville to visit Sam Houston State University I wasn't sure of the directions and I got there a little late, but with enough time to check in and run up the stairs to my first group, which consisted of me and 2 other people. We toured the campus and facilities and generally got to know the lay of the land. It was rather short and rushed.

The drive up brought back a lot of memories, not only from the last trip up there, but also from when I went to Sam back in 1997. A lot has changed since then, not everything, though some things that were new then were either old or closed down now. After the Sam day I drove around looking for a place to eat and got a little lost, but that's okay, I found some things I had forgotten and visited some new places.

I came back to Spring and of course went to Starbucks to pour over all the accumulated crap and schwag that I had picked up on Campus. Most of it is useless paper mainly garnered towards freshman, but I'm a Nontraditional/Former/Transfer student, they weren't sure how to deal with me. I ran into an old friend at Starbucks, one I hadn't seen for a long time, She's doing well I hear, working on her Masters. We sat and talked for several hours, exchanged numbers and said we'd talk again. It was good to see her and to know she is doing well.

My niece Haley was in the Tomball Parade today, unfortunately I couldn't go, but I hear there are rolls of film waiting to be developed! My other niece, Cheyanne, and my sister, Vicky, went to Nacadoches today for a girl scout day at a camp up there. both of the girls, Haley and Cheyanne, are involved in girl scouting and I think it's a good program, though I wonder why they have to go so far away to participate in a Day Camp? Aren't there any programs closer to Houston?

What next? I have the Army for the next few days, though I need to go ahead an register for classes, thats a very important thing which I think I will get to now. So this is goodnight for now, here's wishing you all a Safe journey and a peaceful nights sleep.

You Lie Awake.

I sit here on familiar ground waiting to release, late again I find myself caressed by memories. Ancient slights and stains upon the frame works of my heart, I remember watching all my dreams devoured and torn apart. YEARS OF SILENCE finally gave me a voice, a choice to off load the hurts I thought I would take to my GRAVE. A curse upon my head. My bed is still un-made. But to ingrained memory I find myself a slave. INSIDE MYSELF I crave, you did not LAY ME DOWN to die. Now I remember and ingest all the SWEET LIES.

An artist is a creator, a maker. Someone who can inspire who can LIGHT a fire in a place thats dark. Even in a place inside your heart. An artist has power, the ability to mould and shape, to exorcise your SHADOWS and to take you BEYOND FAITH. To recognise THAT is a blessing but to ignore is just a waste. When you can taste the connection between two open minds, open souls, spirits whole, it unfolds a bold new idea. That the ability and knowledge to colour our lives has always been right HERE.

I've never been a fan of the PITY-ME party, of the shitty-me party but the Gritty-me party is where I normally am. HONESTY is just POLICY in an artists open hand. Life can deal you many blows, take you down dark roads, into black street shows that disclose all the holes in this corrupted state. But the blows you DEAL YOURSELF are the deciphers of your FATE. You can BREAK but be rebuilt in the image of your SELF, your wealth lies WITH YOU. I want to stay here forever and ever I can't control the way I feel and I don't know what to DO.

DON'T save me. I want this. A lesson learned in beauty, my pen my therapist. A twist in circumstance and a bitter wrist, a blood red fist, a dry lipped kiss. LICK MY LIPS. I know I'm missed. Experience is inevitable and pain a subtle fix. We let go of the EGO and we truly find our bliss.

You make

You create

Every day

You lie awake.

Nobody's awake.....there is only me....
So I write a letter....A letter for all to see.
You may or may not get this, but either way it's fine.
I just wanted to kiss you.....and touch you on your spine.

Caress you softly now on those tender lips.
I yearn for your affection....your cute little face I miss....
I'll lay down on my bed now, the sun is creeping near.
You're the last thing on my mind tonight....tonight I love you dear....

With Love,
Hugh

Many schools are accepting students who cannot attend their own schools because of Hurricane Katrina. If your school is serving students displaced by the hurricane and if you need books, clothes, or other supplies, please state what you need. The name of your school, its address, and what you need will be posted on the See what schools need page.

If you are a company, an organization, or an individual looking to send books, clothes, or other supplies to a school serving students displaced by Hurricane Katrina, please state what supplies you can provide. The supplies you can provide, along with your organization's name and contact information, will be posted on the See what organizations can give page.

Hurricane Help for Schools, U.S. Department of Education.

http://hurricanehelpforschools.gov/

Congratulations are in order! There is a new baby Dolphin in Chicago


http://www.nbc5.com/irresistible/5306108/detail.html?z=dp&dpswid=1260382&dppid=65193
UPDATED: 6:18 pm CST November 11, 2005 CHICAGO -- A new addition to Brookfield Zoo's dolphin family was announced Friday. Late in the afternoon on Nov. 3, Atlantic bottlenose dolphin Tapeko, 23, gave birth at the zoo to a healthy 30- to 35-pound, 3-foot-long female calf, a news release from the zoo said Friday. "We are cautiously optimistic," zoo marine mammal curator Melinda Pruett-Jones said in the release. While dolphin births are not considered successful until the calf is at least a year old, Pruett-Jones said the newborn has exhibited several behaviors considered positive, including regularly nursing following the birth. For about two weeks, zoo staff will observe the newborn calf and mother around the clock, according to the release. As the first year is critical to a newborn dolphin, the zoo staff will likely wait a month or two before naming the calf, zoo spokeswoman Sondra Katzen said. The newborn is Tapeko's third child and the first for the father, Hastings, according to Katzen. In addition to the newborn, Tapeko's other family members include daughters Kaylee, 12, and Noelani, 2, and grandson, Micco, 4, all at Brookfield Zoo, she said. Tapeko and her newborn will be available for public viewing at the zoo's Seven Seas underwater gallery beginning Saturday, the release stated.

Sunday was a good day. I continued to work on some projects I've had in the works, not just school, but other ones as well though I won't go into that right now. I've got a lot of stuff coming down the pipe for the Army. I don't know if I'll be around for the holidays, which sucks, I really enjoy being with family and friends for the holidays. Family is important to me, but unfortunately the Army has other plans for me. We'll just have to see how that goes.

I went to dinner with some good friends, Stan, Sally, Patrick and Andrew and while there I ran into an old friend Audry and we must have talked for something like 30 or more minutes just catching up on old times and what's been going on in our lives. It was good to see her again and I'm glad things are going well for her.

Tomorrow I've got things to get done, phone calls to make and people and places to go to, so goodnight to one and all, sweet dreams to you know who, I know I still dream of you.

In the last 24 Hrs have you...
1. Had sex: No
2. Bought Something: Yes
3. Gotten sick: No
4. Sang: Yes, in the car
5. Been kissed: No
6. Eaten something: Yes
7. Talked to an ex: Yes
8. Missed someone: Yes

Last person who...

1. Slept/Layed in your bed with you: She knows who she is, I don't need to tell the world. How I miss the way she feels next to me though
2. Saw you cry: It's a toss up between the girl above and my parents
3. Made you cry: I can't answer that right now.
4. Went to the movies with? Zach and my brother Charlie
5. You went to the mall with: Myself?

Have You Ever...

1. Said "I Love You" and meant it: Yes
2. Got in a fight with your pet: yes, if you mean wrestling for a chew toy
3. Been to New York: Yes
4. Been to Mexico: Yes
5. Been to Canada: no
6. Been to Europe: Maybe...
7. Been to South America: no

1. Do you have a crush on someone: Yes, I love someone very much
2. What book are you reading: Welcome to the Monkeyhouse by Kurt Vonnegut
3. Worst feeling in the world: Rejection
4. Future KIDS names: Unknown
5. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: Not anymore, I used to have a horse, still do.
6. What's under your bed: Shoes and I'm not sure.
7. Favorite sports to watch: Football, baseball, Hockey
8. Location: The Apartment
9. Piercing/Tattoos: Not going to happen.
10. Do you drink: Sometimes
11.Where do you want to get married: Someplace small, local with a few family and friends. You know the people that matter.
12. Who do u really hate: No one.
13. Do you have a job: Yes.
14. Do you like being around people: All the time
15. Have you ever liked someone you had no chance with? unfortunately, yes
16. Have you ever cried: Yes
17. Are you lonely right now? No, but I do miss someone
18. Song that's stuck in your head: None right now.
19. Played strip poker: Maybe...
20. Been drunk for more than 2 days straight?: constantly? No, but I have gotten drunk two nights in a row, It's not a big deal for me though
21. Done an all-nighter: Yes, several times
22. Been on radio/TV: TV Several times, an extra in the movies, Radio ticket giveaways, and have even called into morning radio shows a couple of times.
23. Been in a mosh-pit: yes
24. Do you have any gay/lesbian friends? Yes, I don't judge a person by who they chose to love, but by who they are as people.

Just got in from a night that went particularly well, though interesting things had occurred. I was set to meet up with friends at starbucks, people I hadn't seen in awhile. Someone showed up that I didn't expect to see, it was good to see her and even better to talk with her. I just wish it could happen more often. The night progressed and we moved the festivities to Molly Maguires an Irish Pub right up the street from the kuykendahl and louetta starbucks, it's close to 1960. The Blaggers were playing and We shot darts, played Ping Pong and talked surfing, Politics, Society and Race relations, though I have little experience with surfing and it's been years since I've even tried. There's just something about being unable to control oneself in all that water. I just can't seem to handle deep water. Anyway, the night progressed, drinks were bought and drunk, though I maintained my composure. I have a very international group of friends and we've all got different views and perspectives based upon our upbringings and life experiences. I love learning and exploring new ideas and viewpoints. It was getting late and some of us were getting a bit hungry so we wound up at Denny's for another couple of hours and that was interesting, more conversation ensued. good times.

I need to try to sleep, However; I've had caffeine, spoke with a beautiful woman whose mere presence ignites a fire within me, Spent time with great friends, A few pints of Killians Red, Some Denny's late night food and more caffeine. so good luck to me for getting to sleep anytime soon.

Your Birthdate: June 23

You're not good at any one thing, and that's the problem. You're good at so much - you never know what to do. Change is in your blood, and you don't stick to much for long. You are destined for a life of travel and fun. Your strength: Your likeability Your weakness: You never feel satisfied Your power color: Bright yellow Your power symbol: Asterisk Your power month: May

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

The Alphabet of ME (Sort of)
[A is for age:] 28
[B is for booze of choice:] Ale
[C is for career:] Soldier/Student
[D is for your dog's name:]
[E is for essential items to bring to a party:] People, or a couple of good jokes.
[F is for favorite song at the moment:] There are a lot, but I like Nickelback's Photograph, or Rascal Flats Skin
[G is for favorite game:] Video game - Halo2, Cardgame - Blackjack/Poker
[H is for hometown:] Born in Dallas,Tx, but I grew up in Spring/Houston,Tx
[I is for instruments you play:] I've got mad kazoo skills and I can sing like a rockstar in the shower or the car
[J is for jam or jelly you like:] Grape or Strawberry
[K is for kids?] Someday
[L is for last kiss?] I'm not telling
[M is for mom's job:] Sales
[N is for name of your crush:] She knows who she is
[O is for overnight hospital stays:] Too many to remember
[P is for phobias:] I have this fear of success or is it being happy? So much so that I tend to ruin good things and push people away without even realizing what I'm doing.
[Q is for quotes you like:] "If you never ask the question, the answer is automatically No" or "Do or Do not, there is no try"
[R is for relationship that lasted the longest]: a family relationship = lifetime, Friends, something like 20+ years, and as for a love relationship 2 years
[S is for sexual preference:] Female,
[T is for time you wake up:] it depends on the day and what I've got planned.
[U is for underwear:] Clean, Boxers, some boxer briefs
[V is for vegetable you love:] edible?
[W is for worst habit:] I think too much at times, sometimes I just need to learn to let it all go.
[X is for x-rays you've had:] too many to remember them all
[Y is for yummy food you make:] I can cook almost anything, but I'm good at Italian and Mexican
[Z is for zodiac sign:] Cancer

Just got in, I'm not tired so I'm going to sit here and write. I haven't been able to sleep lately and when I do I have these vivid dreams and I toss and turn, I wind up waking myself up. anyway. enough of that nonsense.

I saw you tonight, I didn't mean to, I wasn't even looking for you and when I did, well lets just say I kept going. I'd like to be able to sit down and talk to you again, to see how things are going with you and to tell you how things are going with me. Just normal everyday stuff. It's your call though.

I went downtown tonight to Cafe Brasil's on Westheimer, it's a great coffee house similar to starbucks, yet they serve great food, alchohol and have live bands. The crowd there is older too so you don't have to mess with all of the kids running around. I went to hang out with my friend Aaron, Esteban, Timbo, Crystal and Beth among a few others who showed up unexpectedly. It was a great night, there was a jazz band playing who were friends with Aaron and they sounded pretty good. I made some new friends and generally had a great time. It's too bad the drive down there is so long or else I'd make it my new hang out. I don't think one should mix coffee and alchohol. I was tired on the drive home, but now I'm wide awake. I should get off of here and try to get some sleep.

Today is Veterans day, Thank you to all who have served, to those who have given up their freedoms to protect ours.

Freedom isn't free, a lot of men and women have paid for what you're enjoying. Take the time to thank a veteran and live your life well, don't waste it.

Today I went to my niece's school for their Veterans day presentation, it was great. Imagine if you will a bunch of 1st through 4th graders singing the national anthem and pledging their allegiance. Some of it was too cute for words. It made my day. I love those girls, they're the best niece's ever!

An update on the life situation, Since previously posting.

I am still looking for a job, but the type of job has taken on a different meaning, I'm going to focus more on the new degree plan, which oddly enough when I take a look at the past few years and what I have been doing as well as what I know about the world, well it just seemed to be the obvious choice, especially since several people as well as the Army have suggested it. Now all I've got to do is work towards it, There is someone in my life I can talk to about this, but we're in a non-talking phase right now. I hope this will end soon, I need her knowledge and experience. Though if I have to do without then I will deal with that.

Oddly enough I am actually closer to this degree with all the courses I've taken than I am to my previous one, English. I've come to the realization that I can write and I love to read, but I've always known I would never make a living at it. The one story I do have takes so much out of me to write that I tend to stay away from it for long periods of time.

Anyway, I've gotten a lot of paperwork together from tons of different sources, i.e. colleges, the army and I even had to go by my old high school. Funny enough they still remembered me there and it still smelled the same. weird.

I will be returning to Sam Houston State for a variety of reasons. The first being that I already have credits from there and the second being That North Harris has a joint admissions agreement with SHSU. This means I can be enrolled at Sam and still take classes at any of the North Harris colleges and they will count as Sam courses. Nifty eh? I thought so too.

I've taken the time to get some perspective, I know I cannot worry about things in life that I have no control over. So I shall endeavor to not worry and to just let things go as they will. Of course I want what I want, but thats another story.

In other news the Army is still being its naturally retiscient self. My family life is just like everyone else's (dysfunctional). My friends are great and I regret not having enough time for them. So to end this, it is what it is. goodnight and hears wishing you all the best in life.

1. What is your middle name? Hudson
2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Camo boxers, I like to call it my own way of going Commando
3. What are you listening to right now? a Suzuki commercial and the hum of my laptop
4. What are the last 2 digits in your phone number? 01
5. What was the last thing you ate? Enchilada's
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Blue
7. How is the weather right now? Muggy and Humid, not very Novemberish.
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My friend Sally
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? Height, eyes, the way they carry themselves, confidence is key.
10. Favorite type of food? Mexican, I could eat it everyday
11. Do you drink? On occasion.
12. Do you smoke? No
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Yes, but all events have been reported to have been positive
14. Hair color? light brown
15. Eye color? brown
16. Do you wear contacts? I have before, glasses now, considering contacts again.
17. Favorite Holiday? All of them?
18. Favorite Month? Yes.
19. Have you ever cried for no reason? yes.
20. What was the last movie you watched? Some late night flick starring nobody.
21. Favorite Day of the Year? Tuesday, haha.
22. Are u too shy to ask someone out? Sometimes, it all depends on the mood and the moment, but if I see someone I like and I click with them, then I'm not shy at all.
23. Do you wish someone would ask you out? Sometimes.
24. hugs or kisses? Yes.
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Sometimes both.
26. Do you want your friends to respond? Sure. It couldn't hurt
27. Who is most likely to respond? Someone completely random
28. Who is least likely to respond? Aaron, Zach or Drew, those guys are never online
29. What books are you reading? I've just finished three, 'The Last Samurai' (not the movie), 'Memoirs of a Geisha' and 'Death in Midsummer' right now I'm reading course catalogs and prepping for next semester as well as brushing up on some Army Manuals for a class I have to teach.
30. Piercings? none.
31. Favorite Movie? Way too many to name.
32. Favorite baseball Team? This is a difficult choice, I used to not follow Baseball, but over the years I've been checking out several teams, I'd like to reserve my answer for a later date.
33.What were you doing before this?? Reviewing degree plans and drinking tea at my local starbucks.
34. Any pets? not since my dog died.
35. aim? Sometimes, other times I just lay down some good suppressive fire.
36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? I like to keep my options open, so plain, salted and sometimes buttered
37. Dogs or cats? either
38. Favorite Flower? Ones I can give to the people that matter most in my life.
39.Have you ever been caught doing something you werent supposed to?? Yes, plenty of times.
What happened to question 40?
41.Have you ever loved someone? Yes.
42. Who would you like to see right now?? Kathryn
43. Are you still friends with your ex?? I would like to think so.
44. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes.
45. Do you like to travel by plane? I love to travel.
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right
47. If you could be with someone right now, who would it be??
In what way? I don't think I can answer this question right now without upseting someone, so I'm going to take a raincheck
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3, I need something to hold onto at night
49. Are you missing someone? Yes.
50. Do you have a Tattoo? No.
51. Whats your favorite Game? Board or Video? there are so many choices. It all depends on who I'm playing with.
52. Whats Your full name? Thats Classified Soldier.
53. What color are your toe nails? All Natural, No additives or preservatives.
54. Favorite Chips? Baked Lays or Pringles, I'm not much of a chip person
55. Favorite Candy? Cinnamon flavored gum
56. Favorite Soda? Dr. Pepper
57. Most Desirable Thing about the opposite sex? The ability to communicate
58. mexican food or chinese? I could eat Mexican every day.
59. 3 top people you think of all the time?
1. Kathryn
2. My family
3. My friends
60. What do you want to be when you grow up? Happy, If I'm happy then everything else is in its place.
61. Cheetoes Or Doritoes? Doritos
62. Mc Donalds Or Burger King? If I have to choose, McDonalds, but I'm not one for fast food.
63. Swimming or Running? Both, though I've always had this thing about water, there have been several times that I've had some close calls with water and drowning.
64. Etnies or Vans? Vans, there shoes right?
65. Straight, Gay , or Bi- Sexual? This Cowboy is a straight shooter, damn that was corny.
66. Last Question.. MTV or VH1? Does it really matter? they're both corporate music television stations, so they show the same stuff.

I've been revamping my priorities. I'm going to focus more on completing my degree than heading towards a career. To that end, I have contacted several professors and advisors at multiple institutions and have visited the Tomball Campus to begin talking to an advisor. I have considered returning to Sam Houston State since that is where I started my collegiate career.

I just hope the Army doesn't interfere with my new degree plan, though they have helped show me where I want to focus my studies. I had wanted to talk to a friend of mine about it, I don't want there to be any confusion with my choice. The Army is going to be sending me to some classes that aren't available to civilians so this new focus is going to put me into an advantage that others don't have, too bad it's top secret right now so I can't talk about it.

Tonight I saw Star Wars episode III at a friends place and let me tell you, I could have figured out a better way to spend almost 3 hours, rather than watching a movie at a strange girls place. I don't get Lucas, he could have done a better job, the first three prequals are too much of a love story for my tastes and don't even come close to the original three which are now the middle three. Anyway, they're just movies. The night was okay, but it wasn't where I wanted to be so now I'm home and I've got a lot on my mind. There's someone in my life that I care about deeply, yet I can't tell her how I feel, even though she already knows. I miss you.

Today was fun, I spent it with family and with others. My nieces continue to amaze me, despite all the adversity in their young lives, the constant moving around and uncertainty they are both beautiful and highly intelligent young ladies. My niece Haley's lowest grade on her report card was a 92?! Amazing and Cheyanne is doing equally as well in her classes. I just hope they don't get too bored with school, they're teachers don't send any homework with them? Thats crazy, whats going to happen when they get older and are faced with homework and other take home assignments? I want so much for them to succeed. I know there are online resources, such as Discovery.com and the various homeschool sites, but I'm going to also look into picking up some books I've seen at walmart and other places for them to do at home. I think this will help them, but I'm going to give the stuff to my sister and let her take control from there.

I love her with everything I have and despite everything thats happened I still love her. I will always love her and no one else. she doesn't know how much these past few years have torn me apart by being away from her. I tried to let her know how I felt. I have loved her all this time.

It's so hard for me to give you what you want, but I will because I do care about you. Tonight you sat across from me and I didn't say anything because I told you I wouldn't. You don't know how hard it was for me. I want to hear your voice, I want to know you're okay. I want you in my life, but I can't tell you these things because I made a promise to you.

I still love you.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Charles Schultz Philosophy, The following is the philosophy of Charles Schultz, the creator of the "Peanuts" comic strip. You don't have to actually answer the questions. Just read the e-mail straight through, and you'll get the point.

1. Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2. Name the last five Heisman trophy winners.
3. Name the last five winners of the Miss America.
4. Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5. Name the last half dozen Academy Award winner for best actor and actress.
6. Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Acheivements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:

1. List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2. Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3. Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4. Think of a few people who have made you feel appreciated and special.
5. Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.

Easier?! The lesson: The people who make a difference in your life are not the ones with the most credentials, the most money, or the most awards. They are the ones that care. Pass this on to those people who have made a difference in your life. "Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia."(Charles Schultz)

These past couple of days have been long ones for me. I have been helping a friends family out, He was called away suddenly to Fort Hood and his wife is very sick, so I've been helping out by clearing limbs from the yard, moved furniture and painted the living room (They have new furniture being delivered tomorrow, made dinner then cleaned up, helped with the kids (he's got two great boys, Halloween was a bit wet, but still fun).

On the way home however, I stopped at a starbucks and ran into the friend that I had previously posted the apology too, I didn't know they would be there, I wasn't looking for them to be there, I was just tired and on my way home and thought a little caffeine might help with the long drive. I just said hi, when I should have just turned and walked away. I wasn't going to stay. I had made a promise and was going to stick to it. I didn't get the opportunity.

If you read this, I'm sorry. I didn't know you would be there. You don't have to worry about me showing up there again. I won't ever go to that starbucks again.

It's been a year since my grandfather passed away and the pain and loss still haunts me. I miss him and his laughter, his smiles, his purple suit. He was a success in life, he had a loving wife and family and he lived to help others. I still have some wooden toys that he made me as a child, nothing spectacular, a wooden train and a airplane, but they are special to me. I miss you grandpa.

I have one grandparent left now, my grandmother, his wife. I don't know how she has the strength to keep going, she's tough and has family beside her. I know it's hit her hard and all I or any of us can do is to support and love her.

I love my family very much, I hope they know this. I'm not always open with my feelings, I tend to hold things inside. Mostly from fear of being hurt and it's a big part of why I started writing, it's an outlet for me, it helps get my thoughts, feelings and emotions out into a jumbled mess, sometimes it doesn't read right or isn't very clear or make sense. It's all free flowed writing just as a form of release, sometimes its not even clear to me even days afterward. I wonder what was I thinking?

I need to get going, there are some appointments today that I can't miss.