It's been a year since my grandfather passed away and the pain and loss still haunts me. I miss him and his laughter, his smiles, his purple suit. He was a success in life, he had a loving wife and family and he lived to help others. I still have some wooden toys that he made me as a child, nothing spectacular, a wooden train and a airplane, but they are special to me. I miss you grandpa.

I have one grandparent left now, my grandmother, his wife. I don't know how she has the strength to keep going, she's tough and has family beside her. I know it's hit her hard and all I or any of us can do is to support and love her.

I love my family very much, I hope they know this. I'm not always open with my feelings, I tend to hold things inside. Mostly from fear of being hurt and it's a big part of why I started writing, it's an outlet for me, it helps get my thoughts, feelings and emotions out into a jumbled mess, sometimes it doesn't read right or isn't very clear or make sense. It's all free flowed writing just as a form of release, sometimes its not even clear to me even days afterward. I wonder what was I thinking?

I need to get going, there are some appointments today that I can't miss.