Life is odd sometimes, just when you seem to think you're moving forward you're blind sided on some idle Wednesday afternoon. This is what happened to me and the days that followed only served to get worse by the moment.

1) I recieved a letter from the Army that I may be involuntarily separated due to Army physical fitness failure, I had an opportunity to pass again and I failed. Was it due to stress? A resignation to my fate? Or was I simply not prepared for it?

2) I came into Houston that following weekend, tired, a little stressed from the letter and lack of sleep. I came in and the first thing my father tells me when I walk through the door was that my Grandfather had died and no one knew when or how. Also my Grandmother who has alzheimers is missing. No one knows where she is or even if she's okay. And apparrantly there are strangers living in my Grandparents house. the thing is that my Grandfather passed away in October of 2004 and nobody knew, no one talked about it, no one mentioned it and I daresay that he didn't get the funeral that he deserved. I don't know what to do, how to feel. I can't seem to cry and I feel so detached from it all.

3) I came back from Houston reluctantly with these weights upon my shoulders, with doubts in my mind and questions always questions, I figured if I threw myself into work that I could forget, but I cannot, will not forget and I think about it all the time, especially late at night when I can't sleep and the thoughts of the world weigh upon my mind.

4) I went in to work on Tuesday of the following week only to find out that someone had called in to the center and complained about me and some other people they had played against on xbox live, I work as a Tech Support agent for xbox live and so do many of my friends on live and some of them like to throw their weight around and threaten to voice ban or ban players for cheating or other offenses on the xbox live system, which we have rights to do. So since someone complained and used my gamertag or username on xbox live they tied me and other gamers/tech support agents to the account, but couldn't tell which of us did what. So they gave us all "Final Warnings" and told us that we could have lost our jobs for what had occurred.

5) there are other things going on in my life, I'll be 28 in June, can you believe that? There are so many things I want to do with my life and yet I feel like I'm not doing any of them and it's all just passing me by. It's frustrating and I know I sound like a broken record on here, but it's the truth.

6) I'm still single and yes there are women in my life that I would love to pursue a relationship with it just seems that at times things don't work out, or I'm too far removed from being able to connect with someone. Why is this? I have the capacity to love, to cherish a woman in my arms, to talk with her at length about life liberty and the pursuit of happiness or whatever. Why can't I be happy, why can't someone love me as easily as I love them?

7) I want to be in school again, I have the will, the intelligence, but it seems like my GI BILL paperwork from the Army is always messed up and I don't have the greatest love for paperwork in the first place. I just need to grab the bull by the horns and get into work.

I know I talk a lot of fluff at times and I have all these wishes, hopes and dreams for my life and hopefully for sharing that life with someone who cares about me as much as I care about her. I'm just overwhelmed a lot, it seems like I'm drowning, yet every now and then I can find a calm spot in the storm and rest for a bit and then the next big wave hits you and you go under again. I need to get some sleep, I have a long day tomorrow. Thanks for listening, Goodnight all