It's Thursday, late at night, actually more like early Friday morning and later this afternoon I think I'll be heading to Houston, I have to my duty calls to me. Sometimes my choice to join the military vexes me, it's terribly hard to maintain any kind of relationship with this kind of stress in my life, Though to be honest I can't blame it entirely on the military, my choice to serve was exactly that, my choice. It's just that I've lost so much to it even while gaining so much, sometimes it just sucks.

I haven't been happy for awhile now, there is someone who was in my life that meant a whole lot to me, more than she knew and I messed it up, sometimes I hold back, hell I know I hold back my emotions for fear of driving people away. I want so much to just let go and let everything flow. I remember in my youth that I used to be so open, so full of laughter and so free with my smiles. what happened to that little boy? He was so full of life and energy. Why am I the man I am now? What has occurred to make me so?

It is best not to dwell on these things. I've been saddened enough already by thoughts, the days here have turned cold, the nights get dark earlier, the city is full of the frigid chill, Winter is coming my friends, the cold winds herald it's coming with howls seeping into cracks, through crevaces and the pores of jackets and winter coats set to ward off the winter chill.

My hand still hurts like crazy. it still bleeds a little and it is all bruised. typing here is very difficult and filled with pain. Though I have to deal with it, I have to work through it. I have it tightly wrapped which is good, because it's like wearing a glove and that helps with the cold. I've dealt with worse, the cold reminds me if I forget, the chill seeps into my bones and they ache with each new day.

It's these cold nights that remind me more so of how I'm so alone, not forfriends I'll never be lonely for having so many friends, which I am so thankful for, but I am lonely for a significant other, you know a one and only, I thought I had found her, only to lose her so quickly and without being able to do anything about it. I long for someone to hold close in the night, to laugh with, to share my thoughts with, to hold closer than close. There is something pure and sweet in sharing your everything with someone you care deeply about and that returns that caring freely.

I will be in Houston this weekend, hopefully I will get to see my friends in my free time, but I don't know if that will be possible. If I will have any free time, between working for Uncle Sam aka the U.S. Army and my family, I hope I will have time to see my friends.

a story I developed about my hand, that's not true and that I've not told anyone other than my good friend Kyle, but I told him about the glass right afterwards:

Did you hear that I got stabbed in the hand? yeah it's true, I was walking home from school the other night and I heard this scream so yours truly went into action. rushed to this darkened alleyway and there was this girl being attacked by this homeless drag rat nasty, I grabbed him and threw him against the wall. he must have been high cause he came flying back at me screaming, I pushed the girl back but she grabbed my arm. I only had one free hand, that's when I noticed the knife in the dude's hand and I blocked with my free hand, shoved the girl harder away and brought my free arm around and nailed him right in the throat. brought my knee up into his groin, then dropped him hard, kicking him in the head a couple of times. he wasn't moving too well after that, the girl was screaming though then I noticed my hand was bleeding like crazy. What about the girl you ask, she was fine, her clothes were torn a bit, I think she might have had a few cuts and bruises, I tore a hunk off my shirt wadded it up and wrapped my hand in it to help prevent further bleeding, we called the cops and waited for them to come, then I went to the emergency room. I've got a two inch cut, with 8 stitches in it. It was a pretty nasty stab, just barely missed my flexor tendons and the nerves, I was lucky, though we'll see how lucky I am when I get the bill.

but honestly if you'll read the post below you'll find out that I was removing glass from a picture frame and the frame broke sending broken glass into my hand I did have to go to the emergency room though. Well it's getting late and I've got things to do later tomorrow err today, so I hope everyone is doing well and I look forward to seeing/hearing from you soon. Have a great one all!!