It's Tuesday morning, early and I'm awake as I am most often these days, I can't seem to sleep at night I have so much on my mind it keeps me awake as I toss and turn, having a hand sensitive to pain doesn't help much either.

Today is Veteran's Day, I know some of us would appreciate a 'Thank you' or whatever, but I've never really thought of myself as having earned the right to call myself a veteran. Yes, I have been in situations and have served my country to the best of my abilities even through irksome tasks and weighty responsibilities, but I don't consider what I've done to be equal to what others have given. The military hasn't always been a voluntary organization, it is only recently such. So those who came before, some went unwillingly, leaving behind friends and families to go somewhere to fight and maybe die or to return from a conflict they didn't wholly understand. It's the same and not the same for everyone who participates in such endeavors and they are changed because of it. Freedom isn't Free seems to be a popular slogan these days and while this is true, people generally think of the fiscal cost of it all and not the human or the emotional side. I joined the Army in January of 1996, I didn't have any high ideals about Duty, Honor or Freedom, not to say that I didn't have these ideals, they just weren't a foundation for my deciding to join. I needed help to go to college, my parents didn't prepare well, but that's okay, sometimes it's better if you have to make your own way. I thought long and hard about the branch of service that I wanted to join and I finally decided on the Army due to familial reasons, my grandfather, whom I am named after also served in the Army, he was part of the D-day invasion and he didn't make it through. My other Grandfather was at Pearl Harbor on the Arizona, luckily a buddy of his made one last check and pulled him out to safety. I have cousins who have served in both Korea and Vietnam, others in more recent conflicts and when I think of Veterans I think of these men and women, Some gave a little and some gave all. I still wonder what my contribution will be and will it be able to even begin to equal the service of others? So if you can, Thank a Veteran today, you'll see them proudly wearing their flags and pins, They know what it means to serve, they understand things like the meaning of the pledge of allegiance, why we have a nation and why we must protect it. You might think I'm an advocate of War or conflict, but I'm not. I think it's one of the worst things Humanity has ever created, but sometimes it's necessary.

This weekend I went to Houston, Duty called and I went to serve regardless of my hand and how it felt I went. While in Houston some things occurred, Life happens my friends and sometimes it's not always for the good or the bad, it just simply happens. I ran into someone I wanted to talk to, but apparantly they didn't want to talk to me, so I made a singular attempt and though I was denied once, I care for this person enough to not harrass them and to respect their privacy. I regret the events that led up to it, I wish I could change things, but they are what they are and I didn't try to hide them, I was open and honest, maybe too honest, sometimes I regret my decision to tell them about what happened, but I know it was the right thing to do because not to do so would have torn me up inside and it would be living a lie and having a relationship tied together by a lie and that I will not do. I know how fragile relationships can be, In the past I have been in situations where others have either lied to me, withheld information or even worse and I will not have a relationship like that. So I will be open and honest about what goes on in my life and if I screw up, then I will freely admit to my wrongdoings, not to hurt the other person, but because they deserve to know.

I posted about them here a while back, Yes I probably sugar coated them and at times, most times I sound a bit melodramatic, but that's the way I write. The reason for sugarcoating or being vague or whatever is not only to respect the privacy of the persons involved ( You'll notice I rarely post names of anyone I'm in a relationship/conflict with ). This is my personal blog, not a public forum, I post here for my own sake and if it is read and liked/hated that's all well and good. I appreciate the comments, that are made and the emails that I receive and I respect the opinions of others.

Some of you may like it, some of you may hate it and others could care less about it, This is my blog, there are many like it and many not like it, but this one is mine, you will learn to either love it like your own or not, but remember this one is mine. Thank you for reading it.