Ah, these days... these days that come before us and the days that follow after are often shrouded in shades of grey, often too often I find myself mirrored in the rain. the cloud filled skies seek to mirror the pain I hold within my heart.

this night, I shall not speak of what has brought me to so low a mood, rather I shall endeavor to speak of the more recent past and the happy times, the sunshine if you will on my cloudy days...

Beginning with my Birthday, the 23rd of June, I know I sent notices to you all and harrassed you for days on end and for that I apologize if only a bit. You see that was to be my day and mine alone, set aside for me. To those of you who couldn't be there to share it with me and yet still called or sent me your warm wishes I heartily give thanks to you, my friends you'll never truely know how much you mean to me.

It was a good night, not as many people showed as said they would, but still a good night with friends, low key and beginning at the Jackalope a local bar downtown that I like to skulk about in. Friends came and left, some stayed longer while others didn't. it was good, there was cake and drinks, a camera or two. then off to the Red Fez for more drinks, British Pop music and a meet and greet with some of Austins musical underground. Thank you Sarah, Rion, Mark for sharing the night with me. As I said I kept it low key. nothing spectacular, no wild and craziness, just me and some friends, that's all I've ever wished for.

The weekend forthcoming from my birthday, was filled with the promise of a bright future for two of my most deserving of friends, in fact they should have their own posting, but I am in a melancholy mood tonight, perhaps this is my idea of being dramatic, I'm not sure. I any case two of my good friends, people that I care about were to and now are married. Jason and Leslie, whom you'll find links to their blogs/journals on your left joined hands and lives in a beautiful ceremony on the 27 of June, a Sunday amid the storms of summer did they bind their lives together. I can't tell you how happy I am for them, it knows no bounds.

Add into this a girl, no a young woman, whom I had met before and was intrigued by, entranced by, amazed by almost a year previously. A friend of a friend met only briefly before, but still in those moments amazing. I had the great and good fortune to meet her again, to speak with her one on one. The night seemed to last forever and I did not want it to end. It has been so long since... well, I won't go into that here, but she was a beam of light in my darkness, perhaps a way out of this rain I dwell in greyness... my life a shadow of what it could be, but for those few days, the heavens opened up and sunshine, music, everything was beautiful, but it paled in comparison to her beauty, not just physical yet also emotional, intellectual, everything about this woman set my heart to racing, my mind was aflame with thoughts for her and it still is. but I know I must go slowly, though everything in me says to leap forward uncaring of the consequences. I must hold back, I don't want to lose her, to push her away. the things we spoke about, the realities, the imaginings, future plans our shadowed pasts everything about this woman sang to me like a thousandfold orchestral storm strumming my heart and my life with infinite splendor. I am dazzled by this woman. If she asks me for my heart it is hers. I know there is pain in both our pasts, she hasn't spoken to me of hers, but I can sense it, does she sense my own fears? I don't know. I want so much out of this life. I don't want to push her away, but I want to pull her close. I know I must give her space, time, no labels, I must show her I care, but in subtle ways. I must stop babbling before she thinks I'm a complete lunatic.

my cold and shattered heart was warmed in her prescence...

come to tonight, tonight was a good one up until a point, it is not over, but soon it will be and I will have to put my head down to bed. goodnight unto you my friends. thank you for reading these meager words.