I know I barely write in here anymore and when I do it's few and far between. Don't think it's for not wanting to write or being unable to on the contrary I've been writing it's just been elsewhere. I don't know how to put my thoughts into words anymore and I don't know whom I'm sharing this with. Are you out there? Are you reading this? Do you still think of me as I think of you? I have so many unanswered questions.

I have this feeling inside of always being adrift. I have goals don't get me wrong and I know how to reach them, but I seem to be moving through molasses and fog, One step at a time and it seems there's always a stumble, something hidden that I can't comprehend. I want to live my life! I want to experience happiness again.

The University of Texas denied me again as I knew they would. I didn't tell anyone I was applying again, I didn't think I should or that those who would listen would even care. I can't seem to move forward.

There's been talk of going back to Active Duty for the Army, or of being recalled. but again there's a stumbling block. I found out that I need to pass my Physical Fitness test before being able to be called back to active duty. I have PFT this weekend, but I don't know how I'm going to do. I'm nervous and afraid that I'll fail it again. It's not the physical part that I have a problem with, it's the weight. According to the Army I need to weigh 190lbs and I'm at 210lbs. The Army tapes me to check my body fat percentage, but due to the fact that I have a skinny neck, well that messes up my count. So I'm screwed unless I can lose a significant amount of weight. Being unemployed right now seems to help.

Speaking of employment, I'm still working the temp job and will be paid Friday for the training I did last week, If I have to I'll buy a bus ticket Friday afternoon and come down. I'll see if I can stay with someone or at the unit. I'm not sure. I can always use help with money. It doesn't look like I'll be able to stay on with the temp job unfortunately. I'm having a great time with it though and I really enjoy the people I'm working with. Who knows though what tomorrow may bring?

The Army has me scheduled to come in this weekend, but I work through Friday and as for being able to come down Friday, you know I've said the truck is having problems and I haven't been driving it because of both money problems and the cold. If it's cold out I can't get the engine to turn over and I haven't tried driving it in awhile. So I may be coming in on greyhound and staying with someone from my unit and not my family.
How is everyone at home I often wonder? I miss my family and friends and I think of them often. Please keep me updated on everything, I'd really appreciate it. I miss you all very much. I love you all and hope to be able to see you sometime this weekend. I miss you!! I hope everythings going well for y'all. with love,Hugh