I had an awesome past four days while in Austin and last night some people had to go an fuck it up, thanks a freaking lot for busting my natural high with all your crap, and you want to know what else is going on? this morning the shit keeps coming, what the fuck is wrong with you people is it crap on Hugh week or what? I'm seriously going to loose it sometime real soon and just beat the hell out of someone. damn I'm angry, and I don't get angry!! I keep a tight reign on my emotions, I hold them close inside. my usual existence is one of a zen mental calm but y'all seem to want to persist in trying to force me out of it.

I hate people who want to play games both figuratively and metaphorically, y'all want to stack the deck against your opponents so that you can shine and feel all good about yourselves. that's no challenge it's simply disgustingly disrespectful.

I had something good going and y'all fucked it up.

I live within a tight restraint of codes and ethics, you don't seem to realize this, yeah I laugh and I joke a lot, but I control myself. I place a restriction or I say I'm going to do something and I do it. I knew my time here was only temporary so I decided to not try to form a relationship with anyone and when I in the last few weeks of my being here I violate my own code and everything's going to shit and I've got too much to deal with to think about it.

You might see me for about five minutes before I leave again. I leave on friday Aug 1st and will return about the 15th and then I turn right back around and leave again on the 17th, but I should be back by the 23rd or possibly later. I have no idea where I'm going, but the pressure and the responsibilities are intensely enormous and it's crushing me, not to mention the fact that there's talk of me being released from Active Service after I return so I have to line up a job in this messed up civillian world, college is still up in the air, where I'm going to live is almost uncertain. How my family is going to be able to cope when I'm gone, if I even get the chance to go. I've got friends here that I'll have to leave behind, not to mention certain others who are close to my heart and yet everyone expects me to be Happy Ol'Hugh... well screw you!! life ain't pretty... DEAL WITH IT!

ARRGHRRR!!!! my head is going to explode with all of this... Fuck I'm gone...